Why hanging onto old photos?

With FB, i am connecting with old friends and memories. seen photos from school days some 30 years back is very cool indeed. but the question is, why hang onto those memories, or such nostalgic feelings ? looking for familiarity? looking to reactive old memories? when i first made contact with my old school friends, i was very excited to reconnect and rechat with them, but soon after that, there was really nothing to talk about. you can only talk so much about old school days. with time, we have all grown up, 25-30 years is a long time.

if anything, old photos should remind us how quickly life passes away. i mean, 25-30 years are gone, some innocent looking kids back then are now pretty much grown up and looking rather old too. seen the passing of time via old photos is a moment for self-reflection.

what have i done with my life? in all that 25-30 years, what have i achieved? what have i contributed to this world ? nothing really, more of the same worries and anxieties. and then one fine day, passing of time will stop, no more breaths left. photography will end with one last photo of resting in the coffin.

many of my former school teachers and masters in the old photos are now dead, they were once the pillars of my world. the math teacher, the science teacher, the principal, you name it, they are all gone now. dead. just an old photo or two remains. thanks to FB, we get to walk that memory lane again, just for a moment.

looking at my life thru photos sucks. looking at life thru pictures and memories is rather sad actually. i would rather look at my life via what is here now. what have i contributed, what i have brought about for this world?

hence, i want equal money system to be here implemented, then i can see it here and feel good about it. equality for all is the real achievement to be happy about. ending the poverty for good is the real deal. at the end of my time, i like to see this world as is, and i want to be proud of that world i will be leaving behind.

i dont' need old photos to hang onto, to give me a sense of belonging or a feeling. the world here as-it-is, is the real evidence of what i will leave behind. and for that, i will be relentlessly speaking for world equality, for nothing else really matters.

Happiness is a decision.

cannot live like this. a decision must be made on how i am going to live the rest of my life. right now, i am basically a robot, totally controlled by anything and anyone. i rely on others to make me feel good, i want others to give me total attention, everything about me atm requires the other. when the other is not so forthcoming, i resort to blame, with a nasty sharp tongue i go on blaming. in other words, i am not living a self responsible life that is good for me and good for others. so i can see until i take total self responsibility things aren't going to look pretty. in fact, things are really going to get bad, worse in fact.

apparently May-21-2011 the so called preprogrammed life of mine is over, now either i must stand up as a responsible human or just perish. well just dying away is a useless option, so might as well really consider what it means to be a living human being.

i have to decide what am i going to allow and not allow. all kinds of emotional bullshits are running my life now, i let any little thing become a big hill. i let any little challenge turn into a big fear, well a long list of bullshits i have accepted and allowed within me as me, and i live that shit.

so this is the decision i must make: at every breath, am i willing to breathe with awareness, become here, be here, then consider what is best for all, in that not giving into the momentum of the ego. this decision doesn't mean i am a saint over night, nor transcended all points over night, no not at all. the decision simple means that i am willing myself to live one breath at a time. yes focusing on the small picture, the breath by breath picture, and then make it effective. while at the same time, relentlessly participating in Equal Money.

a decision to give up the old ways must be made. a decision to give up the fears must be made, a decision to give up the old patterns must be made. the core of this decision is to live as breath, NO MATTER WHAT.

so tonight, it is my decision, i embark myself on this great journey of life, to rebirth myself as life, by simply making a decision to live as breath. here. i cannot let anything to enter my inner space, no motion, no motion, no lose motion, no judgement, no fear no thoughts, no egos, no history, no past, no anxiety, no abuse, no hate, no anger, no rage, no hate, no personality, no 'I', all there is simply the breath here, and then directing self to do what is best for all.

Rebirthing self as life through the physical is a decision. Like they say in spiritual new age bullshit circles, 'Happiness is a decision'. And that decision is to live as breath no matter what.

Breath is a Lifetime. This breath here is life.

again and again i have heard this line, 'breath by breath' live breath by breath. surely not doing so lead us to death, yes breath by breath. i mean you're going to die anyways, breathing or not breathing, you're going to die, the point is to live within the awareness of each breath. each breath is precious, could it be one breath is more important than the next breath ? each breath is equally important, teaching a lesson in equality, the equality of breaths. yet the quality of each breath is not equally recognized as awareness is not here, got stuck in the mind. hence, I hardly noticed even breathing, seems to happen so automatically.

No wonder i am a such an automatic finite state machine, very predictable, very programmable controllable, very untrustworthy, etc etc. all to do with not living as breath by breath, getting stuck in the mind, its delusions and illusions, emotions feelings and thoughts, ideas and beliefs, all put together to make one deadly nasty human robot, you never know what disaster is awaiting. of course, with money and sex anything can be shifted.

human is untrustworthy, that is the bottomline. anger rage, violence, bitterness, laziness, spite, revenge, gossip, backstabbing, procrastinating, blaming, debating, neglecting, uncaring, cruel, mean, nasty, jealous, vicious, lustful, cheating, lying, fear, pain, panic attacks, anxiety, nervousness, guilt, shame, regret, remorse, victimization, rape, irresponsible, filth, greedy, giving up, quiting, murderous, judgmental, wasteful, wow jesus that is a long list of human qualities. all thanks to not living as breath by breath.

in living each breath, i am giving myself the chance to transcend such qualities, that i have accepted and allowed within me as me. yes, i am the anger in me. i am the jealousy in me. i am equal and one to all such bullshit that exist within me. i mean, how can i be separate from them, they are within me after all.

self-forgiveness is the key to eradicate them, to see them for what they are, with total self honesty. so i must return to self-forgiveness, i have been lagging behind not applying self-forgiveness thinking and hoping that i am all ok. hoping self to be ok is another trap of ego, so yes time for a serious decision to apply self forgiveness for every point that i have been putting off.

i am here, breathing, breath by breath, self forgiving myself, giving myself to myself. i forgive me. i am here, i breathe. all this can be done in this breath, after all, one breath is a lifetime, life is one breath. so either live or die, all in just one breath, this breath, here now. this breath here is life.

My backchats must be written down.

backchatting continues. quick to blame, quick to find faults, quick to label, quick to judge, all that shit is backchatting. quick to attach value to an experience, quick to recall the fire from the memories are nothing but backchatts. another word for backchatting is monologues, dialouge inside the mind. you know the shit that goes inside the mind. it says it knows everything, it knows what even others think. 'i know' i know everything that is a backchat.

i want to really get down to business with my backchat, i want to catch the fucker on paper. well i am that fucker who is always thinking about some wicked plan about others. yes it is their fault, they did that to me, they said that to me, they are planning against me, of course, they are ganging up against me. gosh, wtf, the moment i think i am risking landing on a backchat. not acceptable. so i breathe, i am here. lets get the full details on backchat on paper.

gosh before i put my backchats into physical actions, i better stop this asap.

thats it for tonight.

www.equalmoney.org

Avoiding self-forgiveness is nasty to self.

i haven't done any self forgiveness for a week or so now. Much resistance. this is not cool. no matter what self forgiveness must be written or spoken. i mean the core of this process is self forgiveness, the rest follows. for a week or more now, i am not directing myself to do any self forgiveness, i have listened to a lot of videos by Bernard, but not much self forgiveness. this is compounding i can see. its allowing me go into the mind, be nasty etc, to construct mind hell etc. however i continue with daily blogging which is cool, but neglecting SF is not cool. so here i direct myself to self forgive me. i have been a nasty fucker lately.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to ignore myself by avoiding self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to neglecting me and go into the mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live within the mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to listen to my mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to avoid self forgiving me b'c then i can go and exist in the mind

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live as my mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want listen to my mind and make
hell for everyone.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist as the mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to think and think and think.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to trust my thoughts.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to trust my mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to trust my feelings.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist as my mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not stop my mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not listen to myself rather exist
within and as the mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist as the mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live as the mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to trust the mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist as the mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to allow thoughts emotions and
feelings to drive me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live as desires.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist as desires and fears.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be addicted to desires.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live as desires.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live as neediness.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist as neediness.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live as want and needs.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to crave for sex.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire and crave for sex.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to always put sex first.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give in to the mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give in to the desires of the mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give in to the emotional patterns within the mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give into thinking its emotions.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to trust my mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to avoiding forgiving me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear doing SF b'c then i have to live it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel comfortable being just the
mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to like been  just the mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy been the mind then i have no
responsibility. just think and feel all day.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live as robotic zombie in the few day even physically appearing like a emotional mophy kind of a sad dude.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live as sadness.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist as sadness.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live and exist as sadness.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist as sadness.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live as sadness and depression.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give into the mind of sadness.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to punish.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be spiteful.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to hurt and harm otehrs.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to abuse others not realising all shit i give to others is what i am doing to me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to abuse others.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to self abuse me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear doing self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to postpone self forgiveness and
fallback into the mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that today i gave into
the mind. listening to the mind is just shitty thing to do. b'c the mind will never give up, it will try to destroy. but i must stand up. i must walk . i must stop the patterns.

i am here.

When I die, all my shit will die with me.

obsessed by a series of thoughts, the more i think the more they compound. so have to breath get into the physical, in all this self honesty is vital. otherwise i could be breathing just avoid the real issues here. i cannot avoid anything, breathing is not about avoiding anything, rather, been here, and facing all points here as me. everything is here as myself. i cannot run, i cannot avoid, i cannot escape, i cannot hide, i can't even die, because in the afterlife i will have to face myself.

so what is my point? i have tons of shit i am not facing within me. i am avoiding, clearly i am not willing to discuss them here either. so that is a point of self dishonesty. if this writing is self writing then why am i not discussing my hidden issues here? i feel bit of shame that i still carry shit within me. well that is the whole point, to undo inner shit piece by piece until nothing remains. either that or simply die with full of shit, then vanish anyways.

when i die of course, all my shit dies with me, nothing will be left here. as long as i live i can carry my shit within me, talk about them, hide them, react from them, make a big mountain out of them, all that drama, till i die. then, all is over.

Or in one breath, i can simply remain here, not allowing to be directed by my mind at all, simply be here. the mind will tell all kinds of stories and dramas, whereas the physical has no stories, only the mind got dramas, physical is simply here. the breath is simply here. mind is the breaker of things, the frag-mentor, while the physical is the defragmentor, like the old DOS defrag program, which reassembles fragmented physical memory into nice wholesome piece.

so what does it mean then? simply never allow to go into the mind. at every breath, just be here as the breath, within the principle that all things here are equal and one as life. every being here is equal and one as life. every plant animal here is equal one as life. understanding those principles just be here as the breath of life. i mean, if all here is life, then, why bother 'think' through a plan of defense? if all is life here, then why bother to be self protective ? if all is life here, then why bother to be selfish ?

clearly for the mind, not all things here are life, for the mind only the thoughts and feelings are life. As mind is regenerated with thoughts/emotions/feelings.

god, i want to try this, can i just for a day, live as breath, just for a day, or at least few hours, just as breath, not allowing single thought to be taken over. just for few hours, can i just be the breath of life? can i live as breath of life for just few hours? no thoughts, no thinking, for few hours. i want to prove to myself that i will not die by stopping my mind for few hours.

i am going to try this, just live as breath for few hours, will see how it goes. wonder what will happen to all my shit when i stop the mind/thinking for few hours. for sure, when i die my shit will die with me, so when i stop the mind, my shit will stop with it, until i start thinking again.

lets try that.

My way or the highway.

I am here.

Its my way or the high way. This is another bullying pattern I have. I cannot tolerate so many compromises, so I am always ready to speak in ultimatum tones. Either my way or high way. I mean WTF, who am I trying to deceive, I know very well most of the time I issued such ultimatums I end up being the loser. Ultimatums are not the way to go, but that is an energy possession that wants to be nasty and mean at others by offering ultimatums. Its bit like saying, I want to punish you and hurt you. I get into such mode of ultimatums when I am in need of energy. The more needy I feel the more demanding and brutal I become. As if, the world will collapse if I don’t get that energy boost.

350 billion years human mind was at slavery, no wonder, not a single time I have been able to overcome my need for energy boost especially at night time. Like a cry baby, I get into that needy mode.  So moment by moment 350 billion years of enslavement to energy has happened, and I can believe it. Because I have not been able to overcome , not even a single time, so do the math, it’s a matter of adding upto 350 billon years.

My way or the high way, is nothing but total expression of self anger. Its me being angry with me but dumping unto others in a brutal spiteful way.  Either that or I just want to run the fuck out here into a free land, where I am not responsible for anyone, just me headed for myself.  I am so stuck in my own energy push and pull, one day I push, next day I pull, or other way around. I am always want to run away.  They all connected being free and irresponsible. But I have always able to justify my escapes. God.  After 350 billion years, here I have a chance to undo my bullshit patterns, will I do it or will I continue. 

Freedom after 350 billion years of mind enslavement ?

I am here.

Who am I?

A good question to ask indeed. Let me see how to self define myself as is right now.

I am a blamer, I love to blame, and have been a blamer for a long time now. As if from the time I wake up in the morning, my radar is on to find faults . of course with family members I have done this extensively. I realize that I am responsible for everyone and everything, meaning, even to what other people do/say, I am responsible for . In principle I understand that, blame cannot exist, I cannot blame anyone for anything, as it/he/she exist within me as me, so I am responsible for even what others do.

Individually I have to stop that within me, and perhaps be an example for others to follow. Nobody likes to listens to a preacher, they will follow examples, living examples. Blamers are hated. I have seen that mostly in my dad, how he blames, even when he has a valid point, I find it near impossible to ‘listen’ to him, simply because he is operating in that mode of blaming.

Instead of simply looking at a point here, in common sense, he goes on and on about it, blaming. It’s a difficult presence to be in, while that blaming is going on. I am a duplicate copy of my dad, I blame just like him, only the subject matters differ. I used to hate his presence, now I breathe and breathe not allowing my judgments of him to get carried away.  He can test me every moment, even how he drinks his tea used to bother me, the sipping sound he makes, that annoying sound he makes while chewing, as if he is deliberately trying to annoy me. Now I realize, I have conditioned myself to react in annoyance to my dad. It is my own conditioned behavior, nothing else.
I am a robot. I have conditioned myself to behave in certain ways in certain situations. Some are known most are unknown, surprises waiting to happen. Yet it’s all within me, exist as conditioned pre programmes, how I react, how I speak, how I look, how I stare, how I blame, how I eat, how I wear cloths, how I smile, how I laugh, how I feel, how I think, how I value things, how I like/dislike things, are all preprogrammed. By who? Well, I programmed myself into this robot that I am here now.

Is there a way out of this robot existence? Yes, live as breath here every breath here, missing a single breath means I allow myself to be a robot, living as every breath means, now I have a chance to be a non-robot.
It is such freedom to not to carry all that past, worry, concerns, anxiety, memories, what-ifs, doubts, fears, blames, feelings, emotions, addictions, highs and lows, depressions, etc etc etc.

It’s nice to be here for a change. So no matter how I try to answer the question, ‘who am I’, I come to the same conclusion, and I am a fucking robot, enslaved to my own mind. Not a pretty picture isn’t it. 

“What is 70 years or 7 years with regards to 350 billion years we have been ‘lost and enslaved’ within this existence?” – Portal writings by www.desteni.co.za

i am here, breathing.

Live as Breath, or Perish.

I am here, Feb 04, 2011. My daily blogging continues.


The other day, in one of Bernard Poolman's recent videos, I heard him say "Talk about the pattern, not the person", something to that effect. What that means to me is, I can observe and study patterns in a person, specially mind patterns and behavioural patterns, but indeed I must avoid judging the person as such patterns. For example, when hearing a person gossiping, I simply note the "pattern of gossiping", not label the being as a gossiper. Or worse yet, hold a judgement about him/her as an eternal gossiper, which is what I usually do.

So tonight, we went for a drive, some issue about money came up, which eventually led a disagreement about the money point. She got upset, for the next 2-3 hours, she went on and on about stuff, she pulled everything from the last 2 years and went on and on how nasty I am etc etc. Of course, I saw the pattern, but I couldn't just only see the pattern, I also want to run away from this situation. Meaning, I want to end agreement and run away so that i don't' have to deal with this pattern of hers.

But the strange thing is, I have the exact same pattern to blame non stop when a certain emotional energy is activated. So in this specific pattern, we are identical. So me wanting to quit and run away is just spitefulness on my part, again a deep rooted pattern of mine to escape, to run at the sight of a fight.

So, to see the pattern and not the person is a very tough task indeed. Again, i failed to just only see the pattern and not harm or hurt the person in return. But i did return a few nasty responses, obviously I mistook the person for the pattern.

Why did that happened to me tonight? because i didn't live as breath, i didn't exist as breath, each time she said something, i went into my mind for a deep introspection and came out with a verbal dagger. Had i just remained within the breath, her pattern would have eventually cooled down, and she would have returned to her normal self. But I knocked the person along with the pattern, now more consequences will come my way.

So in this, what I realise is there is really no relationship, none whatsoever, because for a relationship to exist, the mind must exist. If I had remained just as breath, yes I would have been very lonely, meaning, nothing to think about it, I would have been emotionless, meaning, there is no specific emotion to chew on, none to feel, yet I would have been at my best expression, as the breath of life.

Really, one must give up life to have life. I think some wise dude said something like that before. Give it up all, to have it all. some shit like that, what he meant was, give up the mind, be the breath, in that you are everything. i mean for any 'thing' to exist the mind exist, otherwise you are simply one and equal all.

So even to see the pattern and not the person, there is deep pre-requirement, that is one must live and exist as the breath non-stop. The moment I am out of the breath, i am fucked.

As I said in a previous blog, hell is always a breath away. When I live as breath, no one can hurt me, no one can insult me, no one can blame me, no one can torture me, no one can accuse me, no one can nag me, no one can trigger my emotions, no one can excite me, no one can arouse me, no one can cause me suffering, no mind pattern can bother me, or invite me for a war, because I am simply here as the breath of life.

I am along the cause and the reason for my inner state.

Tonight, I could have remained as breath, and went for the drive, allowing her pattern to slow down and perhaps later talk about it. But no, i took it head on, and made a mess out of it. Living as breath is not just a responsible thing for the self, it is also a support gesture for others, while they go through their own bullshit patterns. Trying to flee at the sight of a pattern is the worse thing to do, instead live as breath.

Things are indeed getting tougher. Everyday, something here or there happens reminding me to live as breath, every breath in fact.

A decision must be soon made, either to live as breath, or perish.

How to Chase a Demon

I am here, today is Feb 2, 1011, my daily blogging continues.

Just listened to Bernard Poolman's recent vlog about his first encounter with a demon. And its fascinating, how Bernard asked the possessed person simply to repeat this self-forgiveness line:

"I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so angry with LIFE".

And the demon possessed person, very reluctantly tried to repeat after Bernard, but could not, eventually after much drama, the person was able to speak the self-forgiveness words out. In that every moment, Bernard says, whatever that thing was possessing left the person.

How fascinating and powerful this self-forgiveness tool is? It is just amazing, so tonight, I am repeating Bernard's suggested self-forgiveness line, as I am too a possessed entity as angry-demon has been visiting me a lot lately.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so angry with life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so hateful towards life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to be angry with others and in this i am been angry with life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to direct my anger towards life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to direct my anger towards this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to direct my anger towards my family.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with everyone and everything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with nature.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with animals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with things around the House.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with co workers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with friends.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with strangers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with parents.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with priests.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with the church.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with gods that does not exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with demons.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with angels and demons.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with nature and its climatic changes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with all that i can see and perceive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with the creators of this existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with desteni.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as anger

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as self anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live as anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to direct my anger towards anyone and anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my anger as valid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the anger of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify the anger of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with the political systems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with the money systems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with the banks.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with the capitalists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with world systems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with everything in fact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live and breathe in anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wake up in anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go to sleep in anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think angry thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak angry words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act in anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame in anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to shout in anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to scream in anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to demise others because i am angry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify the hate within me because i am angry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in self hate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate everything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate life in all forms and shapes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate god that does not exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate every one that i ever knew.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate strangers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate myself.

i am here. i stop the anger within me as me. i stop the hate within me as me.

i am here. i breathe.