Join the Revolution of Self-Writing to Freedom.

I have decided to write daily, now it has been going rather well. Writing is pretty cool way to self express. So why write? I write to share my desteni process of birthing myself as LIFE. I write to expose the abuses in this world that which we blindly accept and allow as normal. I write because of the pain of surviving is so heavy, so to release that frustration.

Also in writing I bring about an awareness about any specific topic, its sharing therefore caring. As more people read and write on issues that matters to us all, an awareness is created about it, as problems and solutions are discussed via writing.

Yet writing is not really about convincing anyone, rather simply placing common sense facts and points about any given issue. There are tons of points one could write about it. In the coming years, as many people go online now, there is a wider audience that is willing to share and learn about this world we live in. As abuses and destructions continue, must write about all those points.

Obviously, writing is also about share the tools of self forgiveness and self honesty with other humans. Giving others a chance to rebirth themselves as life. I can imagine 10 years from now, with all the blogging and vlogging going on for 'Equal for All', the degree of awareness about such issues would have widely spread. Its all thanks to taking the time to write daily.

Magically, in that writing process, self-writing to freedom happens, writing is always self writing, as a destonians, my writing also takes me to self freedom.

So Join us: at www.desteni.co.za learn and join the revolution of self writing.

Its a form of self-birthing.

I denounce my former guru Sri Sri Ravi Shankar of Art of Living.

I hereby denounce my former guru or affectionately known as guruji, his holiness Sri Sri Ravi Shankar. Yes "His Holiness" is how spiritual masters are officially addressed. Yes bit of a sad moment, because I do have some nice memories of been part of AOL and been very affectionate towards guruji. But now the time has come to denounce the guru of joy officially.


I have been with many spiritual organizations and for sure I will rank AOL and Sri Sri as one of the best, but unfortunately behind all that niceness lies the darkness of 'love and light'. Meaning, I along with millions of others went to AOL seeking self-happiness and ended up been a guru lover. Many are madly in love with the guru, myself for sure, I had his pictures all over the house, even in my wallet. I wanted his Blessing all over me. Hence I was in love with the guru of joy from India. I was following and became a CULT follower of Sri Sri.


In terms of his teachings, things were pretty cool. The Sudharshan Kriya or Regulated breathing, was a nice feel good experience, so was all that singing and dancing for holy music was cool too. Millions are drawn to him. I rank him as one of the best because of the breathing techniques that was taught as part of the AOL courses. Eventually of course the guru became a GOD himself, i began to see him as the avatar of Shiva or Krishna depends which one was suggested. Actually even that was pretty cool. And all the social work AOL does year around in various countries is pretty impressive also.


So then, what are my exact reasons to dump my former guru? If you simply look only within the AOL you may never find a reason to dump the master, for that I have to come out of the box. After having met www.desteni.co.za and start using their tools, namely Self-Forgiveness and Self-Honesty, my whole perspective on guru adoration changed completely. I began to become myself, establishing in myself as self- honesty and self-trust. That's when I realized I have been duped by all the masters before. Though none were of ill intent nor crooks, but in not assisting me to stand as myself they duped me into blind guru worship, which I totally accepted and allowed. So really I cannot blame the masters, it just I went along with the masses.


So my first reason to dump the guru of joy is, I have found myself with self-forgiveness and self-honesty, thanks to desteni.co.za ,which no master before could suggest or teach. Birthing self as life through the physical is a serious self process. Its not about the darkness of love and light. Its not about bliss and joy, rather it is about serious self-digging-out of shit in total self honesty. Try it you will know, and it doesn't cost you anything.


My second reason to dump my guruji of joy is understanding the purpose of 'Equal Money System'. In this world, there are 3 billion humans living under 2$ a day, and nearly 22,000 humans die a day due to hunger or related problems. At desteni.co.za they have solution for such massive problems, namely Equal Money System, whereas the Guru of Joy Sri Sri Ravi Shankar got no global solution to end the poverty forever more. AoL is all about love and light, joy and bliss while millions suffer and thousands die a day.


With AOL, I was stuck in love and light, joy and bliss, without ever taking self-responsibility for myself or for my world as myself. With desteni, I am standing as one vote for Equal Money System to end poverty forever more. I am becoming self-responsible, and moreover I am no longer a guru lover, I am self standing as me. Therefore I have all the reasons to dump my former guru Sri Sri Ravi Shankar forevermore.


As a token of friendship, before we depart, I would like to gift the tool of self-forgiveness to Sri Sri and to all of his devotees, let's see if they are ready to become self honest. May be they will, may be they will give up the love and light and become self honest beings by applying self forgiveness. For that Sri Sri has to embrace self forgiveness and apply to himself and then teach his devotees. Lets hope for the best.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek love and light, joy and bliss for myself while millions suffer and thousands die each day.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the delusion of guru adoration.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to surrender myself to a guru in total self abdication.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to surrender myself to sri sri.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worship sri sri.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and pretend as if sri sri is GOD.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to adore sri sri as my master and god.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe sri sri to be the master of the universe.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think sri sri to be the god of gods.






I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid investigating cult patterns of AOL, of which i was part of.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into cults.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never take self responsibility for myself and for this world as myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear leaving the AOL group.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear leaving the guru of joy.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear questioning the guru of joy.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear sri sri.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be loved my guruji.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to call sri sri as guruji because i thought it will bring special love to me from him.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a slave to sri sri.


I stop guru adoration here now as i am the breath of life. I stand equal and one to all, no masters no slaves.
I am here.


Join us at www.desteni.co.za or www.equalmoney.org

Is YouTube in bed with Islamic Fanatics?

YouTube shutdown my recent video titled 'Islamic Fanaticism Must be Exposed'. The reasons given was violation of community guidelines, how nice.

In my blog I simply pointed out some fanatical comments made by a well known Indian Islamic preacher Dr. Zakir Naik. You can investigate for yourself the depth of madness this man speaks, of course he doesn't promote violence or anything like that, but fanaticism about Islam been the ONLY TRUTH etc, is very obvious. It is fanatic.

I suppose my video was 'flagged' by some humans who didn't like the points I wrote about the learned professor, so YouTube blindly decided to disable my video which had received about 3000 views within 2 days after been uploaded. The video has touched the raw nerve of some brainwashed humans causing them to fake flag it.

But I am disappointed with YouTube for not allowing the so called freedom of expression, freedom of free speech. I was not hating the professor, rather only pointing out his madness. Is youtube in bed with Islamic Fanatics and/or with their money? I wonder.

Investigate desteni.co.za

Investigate how to make a new world with Equal Money System. See: www.equalmoney.org

From your deathbed, cast your vote for Equal Money System.

Equal Money System is about supporting "my-needs" of everyone; equally means making sure every human's "my-needs" are met. Equality is not about quota systems. Equality is not about Communism or Socialism, it is simply about taking care of everyone's "my-needs", via Equal Money System.

Here please read the word "money" phonetically, meaning hear the sound of the word "money", then you will hear it as "my needs". Equal Money is to take care of everyone's "my needs" as said before, there is nothing communist about it. There is nothing RED about is it, its all green, lol.

Now, for all those who oppose Equal Money Systems for various self-convincing reasons, we could debate each point by point, but lets get to the ultimate point: Your Death.

You're going to die anyways, so might as well, support a system that will care for every human everywhere. Might as well, support a system that will bring a practical heaven on earth. Might as well, do something that will benefit human race for generations to come. Might as well, stop the abusive capitalistic system of money forever more. You're going to die anyways, so might as well, cast your vote to bring about a new world that is best for all. And if you don't like Equal Money, so what, you're not going to see it anyways, as you're going to die.

All we are trying to do is support every human being through a democratically elected government system, not welfare, not communism, not socialism, but a system that is good for all. we as humanity will design it, implement it, and maintain it. The details of EMS will be published later via EMS books by the Equal Life Foundation. But do take a moment to consider your last final action, your last voting action, before you die, please make that vote for Equal Money System. At least just before your last breath, cast that vote.

Because your vote from your deathbed will inspire many millions to study EMS way before they reach their deathbeds, realize you're that much powerful even in your deathbed.

Investigate us: www.equalmoney.org

Why on Earth, are you on Earth ?

That is a good question to ask, why on earth are you on earth? I mean you got to investigate the whole the notion of self-mission, why do you even exist on this earth? Do you have a mission, a purpose, an objective?

Generally looking around,  it is safe to assume many have some kind of a mission to be alive and exist on this earth: some want to have a family life, or to be a famous person, or to discover cure for cancer, or to be a political head of state, or to be a priest or nun, or to be writer or to contribute as a scholar, or to invent the next great tech toy, or some exist just to have a good life, to be a decent human being, have a happy time then die away.

Any of the above self-missions is OK, i mean whats wrong in wanting to be a great writer or this or that? Or in wanting to have a nice happy family life? The problem lies in the impact of your self-mission: even if a single human being die out of hunger or hunger related diseases, then all of the above cool self-missions are immediately invalidated. but what?

Regardless of how great you become as a scientist or doctor or lawyer or writer or singer, or businessman, or this or that, if your greatness cannot end the starvation of 1 billion humans each day, and prevent the deaths of 22,000 humans each day, then the greatness of your self-mission is rather useless and selfish. If your existence on earth cannot bring an end to the massive starvation and hunger, then your very existence is rather useless, when your time is up, you will be dead and gone, insignificant to say the least. Because, you never helped to create a practical heaven on earth where no human being starve or die out of hunger, where no human being is homeless, or sick without medicine or unable to see a doctor, where no human being is thirsty without access to fresh water. If you cannot assist to bring a practical heaven on earth, then your very existence is useless along with all your cool self-missions.

On the other hand, along with your personal self-missions, whatever it may be, if you can and able to participate in bringing Equal Money System to end all abuses everywhere, then, your very existence and your self-mission is of praise worthy. I mean after all you cared to end the starvation of 1 billion humans, and help prevent the deaths of 22,000 humans each day. Now that is a serious on the side self-mission anyone can take on, making difference to the whole world. And that's a pretty serious one too, for sure you will agree with me, if your kids are the ones starving to death each night.

So why on earth, am I on earth? As a self-mission, my purpose is to self-purify me with self-forgiveness and rebirth myself as LIFE, that is my immediate self-mission. Then, to bring about Equal Money System is my next self-mission, both are equally important to me. Even if I reach absolute self-perfection, but humans are still dying out of hunger and starvation, then, my self-perfection is rather useless, however, if i can use my self-perfection to bring an end to all starvation, then, my self-missions are of significant value.

I am going to die anyways, so might as well, create a practical heaven on earth before I die. Ultimately, that is my self-mission, to leave this planet as a practical heaven for all to live in dignity without ever fearing to survive.

Investigate, why on earth, are you on earth? Join us: at www.desteni.co.za

Saudi women can now vote: Shame on you Allah.

Saudi King Abullah has given 'permission' for women in his kingdom to cast their votes in the up coming elections, wow, what a major giant step for women(kind) in that country. While women may call this as a celebration at last for them to speak up, but I see this as a shame brought upon by the Islamic male theology.

For ages they have oppressed women from speaking up and casting their votes because the almighty Allah the God for some male ego reasons believed that half of His creation to be not worthy enough to speak up. Allah somehow has believed that voice of men to be more than ample to make world decisions.

I wonder who this Allah is, is He a Man, or is He a Woman? Certainly Allah cannot be a woman, if that was the case Allah would have allowed her human female creations to cast their votes along with Her male creations. But, that was not the case, therefore we can safely assume the great almighty Allah to be a MAN GOD made in the likeness and image of earthly man himself, always ready to put his male ego before everyone.

So Sham on you ALLAH, you never taught in your holy fucking books to place women in equal position to men and thereby let each cast his/her vote equally at all times. So I say, Allah, you need some serious study in gender equality dude, your male ego is way out of date.

At desteni, we see all LIFE as equal, hence man, woman, children, animals, nature, all are equal in worthiness as all are LIFE. Yes functional expressions are different hence an animal cannot be functionally equal to a human, but hey, at least among humans we all are equals, which cannot be denied, unless you have fucking holy book that teaches otherwise.

Shame on you ALLAH, it look your male devotees till 2011 to recognize a simple fact. What have you been teaching in you holy books, Allah, may i ask?

Investigate us at www.desteni.co.za

Islamic Fanaticism must be Exposed.

Listening to Dr. Zakir Naik has made me realize the degree of fanaticism that exist within Islamic religious scholars and peers. What exactly makes or defines a religious fanatic ? The following simple statement is the most dangerous and fanatic: "We know absolutely that our religion is the ONLY truth and all other religions are false therefore they must not be tolerated or allowed to be preached in Islamic countries". Now if such thing was stated by the Almighty Allah himself, we could forgive the learned professor, but the sad thing is such delusional conclusions are reached by men alone and propagated by men alone. Meaning religious fanaticism is how man's ego interprets religious doctrine and makes it so dangerous for humanity. Such ego based religious doctrines at worse could lead to war, and at best could cause irritations between communities of various religions.

It is insane what some of the religious scholars and preachers go on to say these days, therefore I write this as an invitation for all common-sense minded humans to expose (not explore) any religious fanaticism you see on the internet, bring the fuckers out and expose them, make videos and write blogs about them, at least it will give them a chance to rethink their detrimental theology. Certainly to say "I know the whole truth and nothing but the truth therefore everyone is just following their false Gods" is pretty dangerous theology.

Now terrorism and Islamic fanaticism are two different things, here i am not talking about Islamic terrorism, leave that to the authorities to figure that out. Our job is to expose the fanatic fools of the religious kind. Now this is not exclusive to Islam, mind you, any religious fucker with a fanatic touch, expose the bastard so that all may know what he/she stands for.  I am sure any common sensible Muslim may find Dr. Naik to be bit of a fanatic.

I will certainly mark Dr. Zakir Naik as a religious fanatic fool whose lectures are a potential danger to society.

I invite all to consider common sense of human living: need for water, food, shelter, education, housing, healthcare, etc are the daily struggles for every human being, instead of boiling in religious fanaticism, lets focus on the human problems we all face, so investigate Equal Money System and Equal Life Foundation. We have real solutions for real human problems, there is nothing fanatic about wanting to prevent 22,000 deaths per day via Equal Money System.

Thanks. see www.desteni.co.za

Self-Forgiving and Releasing Childhood Issues. - God

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to goto church out of obligation as a child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear god as a child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear god and priests as a child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be an obedient child and therefore goto church etc.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a devout christian as a child because i blindly believed in god.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i am a born catholic and see myself as a generational catholic and take pride in that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take pride in calling myself as a generational catholic.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take pride in going to catholic school and church.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i am special b'c i am born catholic.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel somewhat special because i am born catholic.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel high class because i am born catholic.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel superior to other religions and people who 

follow lesser gods.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suck up religious people and priest in wanting their 

friendship and attention.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to a friend of the priers and religious people just to be in their good books

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pretend like a religious person and show off been religious so that people will like me more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wanting and desiring to be liked and loved.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be liked and loved.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to goto chuch to avoid home hell.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with my parents when they dont goto church as i did.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to be angry with my parents because they didn't 

goto church as i did during my childhood. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see them as evil because they didnt' goto church as i did as a child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as religious during my childhood and waste my life as a religious person. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste my childhood in anger and hatred. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret that i wasted my childhood in loathing in anger and hate. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spend my childhood in fear and anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spend my childhood in fear and hate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spend my childhood days in fear and anger. i was some kind of a slave to my mind and gave into others and their words instead standing up as me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear standing up as myself then and now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear been myself as life as breath here. always wanting to escape to mind bullshit and live there and exists there.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into my mind.

Will morning moodiness destroy my life?

As far as I can remember, getting up in the mornings was never a pleasant experience for me, as I often found myself in a bad mood. This morning moodiness perhaps caused by stomach conditions (or whatever) often puts me in war with others. I mean here I am all moody and cranky minutes after waking up, and I am like a vampire looking for blood, on the look for trouble waters, either i will carry on all day with that moodiness or dump it on other via a fight.

Looking back now, i can see this is exactly how I screwed up all my relationships, be it romantic or otherwise. Perhaps physical conditions of my stomach is such that there is a degree of discomfort in the mornings, until I release myself, so perhaps I have a bit of a physical disadvantage compare to most happy go lucky morning birds, but it doesn't mean I have an open license to declare war against everyone around me just because I woke up with a bad mood. Of course had I taken any liquor the night before then the next day is a whole different story, it will be nuclear war of words and abuse.

Today lying on bed, I can see the so-called nasty moodiness has been activated as usual, my thoughts started to run its story, which is always the case, my moods are always followed by a story in my head which only compounds my emotional state, from been a normal devil I slowly become a blood hungry demon. I need a fight. So as I woke up today like any other day, I was feeling that moodiness, stories are running, all the bullshit I can think of in relation to my current life situation and past etc, I am building up a case against everyone,  as if I am seeking victory against everyone. What total madness, I am allowing my mind state to create hell for me and others just because my thoughts feelings and emotions say so. And I have done that a lot of times.

Now as things are compounding I cannot allow such moodiness to take me over, I mean either I become totally self responsible to contain my morning moodiness or I allow demon possessions takeover. The point is no matter what I feel, what moodiness goes on within me, no matter what stomach/body conditions caused mind moodiness, I am always self-responsible for how I handle my moodiness. I cannot ever say 'hey my moodiness made me do it', yes perhaps i could say 'the devil made me do it', but cannot blame it on my moods.

The bottom line is, I am 100% self responsible for what I feel and experience within me. I cannot ask for others to fan out my moods, I cannot ask others to speak words of solace to fan out my moods. I mean who is going to put up with my moods, who is going to take crap from me and still willing to fan out my moods? I have been always blaming others and demanding others to fan out my morning blues. Its not working, it never worked in the past, it is not working the present, and certainly won't work in the future.

I alone am responsible for what i feel and experience within me, no other human being is ever responsible for what goes inside my little head. But i have blamed the world for it. I have blamed everyone for what goes inside my grey matter. Perhaps there is nothing much i can medically do to fix the stomach issues, perhaps there is, I have to investigate some sort of bridge-help to assist to contain my stomach discomfort in the mornings, drink a lot more water perhaps? But no matter what, I am responsible for what goes within my mind. I cannot demand others to cure my body nor my mind. I am here with the power of breath this very moment, and that is my only point of power to find calmness for myself, this breath here now. Until i find that eye of the needle, within my breath here, and take total self-responsibility for myself here, my morning blues will continue to destroy my life.

And i have allowed it, nobody else.

with desteni process, i am learning to take self responsibility for myself, even for things like thoughts, emotions and feelings that runs inside the mind creating self hell.  The good news is its never too late, i am still here alive, i am not dead yet, i am here, i am breathing, so i have a chance to live my life here in peace. To rest in peace after my death is useless, i want to rest in peace here now within this breath while i am still alive. thanks to desteni process, i am making progress. breath by breath, not allowing any falls to be THE fall, but simply standing up, again and again.

Amazing, i am breathing again.  

Is Dr. Zakir Naik an Islamic Fanatic like any Christian Fanatic?

I was listening/watching an Indian Muslim preacher and scholar Dr. Zakir Naik on youtube, rather mind blogging 10 minutes of bullshit one could ever listen on religious arguments. He went on to say, "we Muslims know our religion to be the only truth, and therefore we don't encourage the preaching any other religions". Rather bold for him claim that his religion as the only absolute truth just because that is what Dr. Naik has come to believe within himself.

Dr. Naik has totally and utterly convinced himself that Islam is the only true religion there is, and therefore any other form of religion must not allowed to be preached or practiced in Islamic countries. (I think he corrected himself by saying you can practice your other religions only within your homes, but dare not to preach it to anyone in Islamic countries.)

Likewise if a christian believe and convince himself that "Christianity is the ONLY true religion therefore no other religions should be allowed to be practiced or preached in Christian nations", I am sure many will call him/her a christian religious fanatic, and rightfully so.

Believe in whatever you want to believe, but to claim you got the absolute truth and nothing but the absolute truth just because you happened to believe it so, is rather mind blogging madness.

Such is the danger of religious fanaticism, it can lead you to do any crazy mad thing destroying self and others.

So I say ban all fucking religions forever more, and please start with Islam.

I don't believe in any religions, but I apply the tool of self-forgiveness to become a responsible human being so that i can take self-responsibility for myself and for all things in this world. All these Islamic and Christian fanatics, do they ever speak about the 3 billion humans who are living under 2$ a day? Do they every propose a solution to end global poverty and hunger forever more?

Dr. Zakir Naik, what have you got say about Equal Money System? Other than your Islamic religious rhetoric have you got any proposal to solve world hunger and starvation?  

Investigate www.desteni.co.za

Self-Forgiving and Releasing Childhood Stuff - School

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i had an isolated childhood.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i have a lonely childhood.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my childhood was very difficult and painful.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define and label my childhood as abusive and difficult.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a shy kid during my childhood days.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as a shy child who is afraid to meet other etc.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide myself during my childhood.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i was a loaner during my childhood days.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i had a petty bad childhood therefore i am show how special due to having a tough childhood.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see my life as a difficult journey because i see my childhood as tough one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i lacked support and care during my childhood and therefore blame my parents for it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my parents all my life for apparent lacks in my childhood.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in form as parents that harmed and tortured a child, and also i forgive myself for allowing myself as the child to experience abuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see my childhood as filled with horror and terror.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to recall my childhood with horror.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my childhood was so bad therefore i have all reasons to blame my parents for it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a blamer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a blamer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as a blamer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into blaming.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bring up the past so that i can blame my parents for it. not realizing i exist in all forms, there are no good guys or bad guys in my story. i as all forms
responsible for what has happened. therefore no blame simply take responsible so that i will  not become like the generations before me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear going to school.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear been part of the school because i believe i was targeted at school for been a minority kid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience fear within school as a child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience hate and anger at school for been targeted as a minority kid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience rage and anger at school.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as a minority kid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as a weak kid at school.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as lacking because i was a minority kid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as lacking in self worth because i was a minority kid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing other kids who were from non-minority groups.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel less than those kids from other groups.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel unworthy by comparing myself to to other kids in school.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel unworthy because my parents never came to school to greet and meet my teachers. i forgive myself for blaming my parents for not showing up for teacher
meetings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a parent form that neglected attending a child's school affairs because i saw such meetings as not required or not needed. And i also forgive myself as the child for allowing feelings of hurt and neglect to be entertained.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience lack in school by believing that i lack.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel and experience lack because that is what i entertained within my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel lack because that is what i entertained within me as a kid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as a kid who lack this or that. and therefore unworthy of friends at school.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have few a friends at school because i fear i may lose them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a unfortunate kid at school because i allowed myself to see myself as lacking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in form as a parent that neglected and avoided my children because i saw that a burden to care for my children. and i also forgive myself as the child that i allowed myself to experience lack and neediness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others which is NEVER the way to self healing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always blame my parents for my childhood issues.

All blames stop here. till here no further, i do not accept and allow myself to blame anyone for what i experience within me. i am here as the breath of life.

Did Jesus Christ teach how to Masturbate ?

Porn addiction and masturbation addiction requires some serious investigation regardless of which religion or culture you belong or part of. With over a billion people going online, participation in online porn has gone through the roof. Obviously along with porn addiction, masturbation is the natural next addiction. Am i saying masturbation is wrong? no not all, but masturbation with pictures, images, thoughts, stories, fantasies in the head is the troubling point.

At desteni we understand that masturbation with pictures and images as an energetic game which indirectly contributes to the world's problems in sex areas such a child sex, rape, prostitution etc. I can understand the common sense of such teachings, though i cannot readily verify that me masturbating in my bedroom will somehow contribute to some rape scene in China for example. All is linked and connected, via the so called consciousness field, as our minds are one via the consciousness field, so participating in picture based masturbation can lead energetically for another to do some crazy shit.

Then how should one must masturbate? No pictures, no images, no thoughts, no stories in the head, just as breathing, as breath, here, you simply jerk yourself and enjoy the release, while the whole time make sure there is not a single thought, image, or picture is running in the theater of your mind. That is to disconnect from the Consciousness field while you masturbate as the body physical here. And certainly no energy rushes to masturbate. You are here as breath of life, just breathing and just masturbating, and enjoying the release.

Your God Jesus, why didn't he teach masturbation? I wonder. Did Allah, or Krishna, or Buddha, or any God for that matter, teach how to masturbate? I mean masturbation being a such human trait, I wonder why these major religions have overlooked this serious subject and not given any direction on how to effectively participate in masturbation? Obviously porn addiction is a whole different story, at desteni we simply say NO to porn, there is no middle ground for porn addiction.

see investigate www.desteni.co.za

Self-Forgiving and Releasing Childhood Issues - Dad

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wanting to be liked by my parents.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be needed and liked by my parents.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always want their approval and liking to whatever i do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel hurt when they avoid me or reject me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid my parents thinking its too much to hang out with them. not realizing i was avoiding only the feelings and thoughts i experienced within myself. basically i was avoiding myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide away from my parents because i saw them as evil and nasty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid my dad because i see him as nasty and evil.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid talking to my dad because i cannot stand his voice. which i see as cranky voice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid my dad's company because i cannot stand his manner of speech or hist voice tonality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to label my dad's voice as a blaming.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to label my dad's voice as cranky.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to label my dad's voice as fault find tone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate my dad's voice tone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate my dad's voice and his manner of speaking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to conclude my dad's manner of speak as judgemental and rude.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my dad saying that he is rude and mean.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate my dad because i label him as rude and nasty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate my dad because i cannot stand his meanness and rudeness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate how he speak to others which i conclude as mean and rude.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to label my dad as mean and rude.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to label my dad and nasty and rude.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to label my dad as a blamer whom i cannot stand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never take his points and see how those same points show within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate my dad's obnoxious attitude.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate my dad and his ways of doing things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate my dad for neglecting me and hurting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate my dad for putting me down.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate my dad for not giving me any task to do because he thinks that i am stupid and unable to do any task.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate my dad for assuming that i am stupid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate my dad for assuming that i am unable to do anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate my dad for treating me less than my other siblings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate my dad for considering me to be less than
other siblings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate my dad for seen me as less than my two brothers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate my dad whenever he dismisses what i have to say while outright listens to what my brothers have to say. as if my words have no worth at all for him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate my dad for dismissing my ideas and words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate my dad for thinking that i am an eternal loser because i dont' subscribe to his ways and means of doing things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate my dad for making me feel less than my brothers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate my dad for treating me like a loser.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate my dad for been angry with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate my dad for seen my life as a useless and my only purpose is to serve them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate my dad for seen me as less than others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate my had for for everything just because i think i cannot stand him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate my dad for not been a kind and sensitive person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate my dad for drinking and making painful comments.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate my dad for taking drinks because i know afterwards there is always a war which i lose often.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate my dad for throwing me out of the house so many times.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate my dad for showing me his ego power by throwing me outside the house.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate my dad for making me homeless just to me his ego/money power.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate my dad for showing me his ego power by through me out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate my dad for speaking like a big fucking ego just to give me pain.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate my dad for making me feel helpless and
hopeless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate my dad for giving me a such awful childhood with him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate my dad for ruining my childhood by always fighting with me for this or that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate my dad whenever he interrupts me from speaking to my mom.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate the idea that my dad doesn't approve me speaking to my mom. as if he forbids it. WTF.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate my dad for causing interruptions while i speak with my mom. he deliberately stops me from talking to her, wft.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate my dad all throughout his existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish if dad was dead because i believe it will give me total peace and freedom.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to see my dad disappear from home.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy his absence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy him going to work so that i can be free and happy at home without his obnoxious comments and bickering.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate myself today because i have become an exact copy of him. i do say exactly what i hate about him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate myself for been the son of  my father whom i despise so much.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate myself so much for been a carbon copy of my dad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with myself for been a copy of my dad.

i stop this madness. when and as i see myself to hating my dad, or hate myself i just stop here as the breath of life. because i realize that he is a mind as MCS and he doesn't know what he is doing. i cannot hate him, because he has no clue what he does. whereas i know exactly what i speak and think and act, therefore i have a wider responsibility to not to be a copy cat of him, rather be the life here as breath.

i stop i am here as breath.

Self-Forgiving and Releasing Childhood Issues.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear when my parents leave me with others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear been without my parents.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear whenever they travel during which time i start to get fearful thinking now they are going to ditch me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anxiety whenever my parents leave the house thinking they may never return.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cry so much in pain whenever they leave the house together during which i would experience fear and anxiety.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience fear whenever my parents leave the house.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear been alone without my parents around.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience fear within myself whenever my
parents leave the house.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my parents so much.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my parents had power over me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my mom.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my dad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear when my mom would complaint to my dad about me, which usually ends up me getting punished.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience fear whenever my parents talk to each other, because then i conclude that they are complaining and talking about me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my mom's anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear whenever my mom gets angry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear whenever my dad gets angry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my parents judgments about me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my parents never looked at me with fairness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my parents always put me down and judge me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my parents never gave me a chance, as i am always evil in their eyes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how my parents perceive me, because almost always is a judgement or condemnation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being condemned by my parents.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience been in like a prison when my parents are around because i believe they are talking and complaining about me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience discomfort to be around my parents.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience discomfort when they talk to each other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience the look on my dad's face whenever he is angry because he will start to blame me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my dad's blame personality as when he starts to blame he will never stop.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my dad is a blamer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear been blamed by my dad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear been continuously blamed by my dad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my dad's accusations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear been labeled by my dad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my mom will find something wrong with me just around the time my dad return from work. something spicy to tell him about me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be in fear when my dad return from work, because that is the time my mom will complain about me, give the full list of wrongs i have done all day. now its his time to punish me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear been hit by my dad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear been physically abused by my mom.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear been tortured by my mom.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my mom's rage and anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my mom because when she gets angry at me, all hell will break lose, there will be blood.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my mom so much and her anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate my mom.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to seek revenge for all the physical abuse she inflict upon me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to seek revenge even now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to see her suffer so that she will know what it is suffer physically.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience severe pain while she beats me up.

know what she was doing. its her mad mind. she is responsible but i realize i cannot hold rage against her. she just didn't know what she was doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate my mother so much, and desire my mother's demise because of apparent abuse she inflict within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my mother's judgments about me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience sadness for how she treated me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my mom never gave me a compliment or acknowledgement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my mom never appreciated me nor acknowledged me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my mom always put me down.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe i was a like throw-able junk for her. she never appreciated me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame her for not appreciating me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame and be angry with her for not appreciating me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate my mom for not recognizing me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate my mom for not paying attention to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate my mom for apparently neglecting me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate my mom for avoiding me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate my mom for putting others before me. i came always next to others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate my mom for placing me as a second class human. as others are more important than me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my mom and hate my mom.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize she didn't know what she was doing. yet here i am as the breath of life, i have the choice to let go of the past, and be here as the breath.

When and as i see myself blaming my parents for the past shit, i simply stop myself and be here as breath. because i realize that my parents simply didnt' know what they were doing. they went along with their mind/ego, they did the uttermost to protect their minds and egos. so no point in hating them or wanting revenge. so when and as i see myself going into past pain and hate, i simply stop here, realizing that past is past. i am here as the breath of life. because if i do allow the past to run its story, there will be no end but mental hell and hate. so i stop at the very first thought that blames my parents. there is only one way to end the past miseries, that is to stop the past stories from the mind, just be here as breath of life. here. breathing.

I am Faithful 99.99999% of the time.

A 23 year old girl from Bangladesh started a chat with me today on FB. At least based on her photos, she appears very beautiful. Soon into the chat, she says, "you are so hot", at that very moment I could sense a rush of energy within me, an excitement, short of breath etc. Clearly that statement got me all excited and wanting more. In the olden days before desteni, i would let it unroll, and ended up in a heated online sex chat and who knows where that will lead. But today, I had the good fortune of self-honesty which immediately kicked in to save my ass. Within that moment, as i feel the rush of excitement, I calm myself down, i breathed, i slow down a bit, in all self-honesty i look at the situation then i realize i am touching the group of utter self-dishonesty, cheating, and betrayal  etc, if i were to continue the chat in that direction. I told her, "lets not talk such", and she immediately apologies and the exciting energy vanished, moments later all was normal, no more energy, no more excitement. the energy of her beautiful sensual picture vanished too. i was to able to continue chatting without the 'excitement'.

All in all, it was a moment to flirt, a moment to get a sexual high, a moment for online masturbation and flirtation. the fact that i am married is a secondary point, so am i saying if were single today would i have continued with the 23 year old ? I suppose i must have been open to such sexual chats.

Been in a relationship implies commitment, that goes without saying. Online chats, flirts of any sensual or sexual nature is clearly violation of trust. Obviously we cannot avoid such moments arriving at our doorsteps, they will come, then there is self-honesty within the breath to avoid any consequential acts of self-betrayal.

First of all, i allowed the chat to start, why did i even allowed that chat to start? Is it because i knew her photos to be sweet and sensual ? In accepting the first step, i allowed a later moment of flirting to occur. I am not totally free from cheating here, though i stopped it at a later point, but i did allowed the possibility at all by agreeing to chat in the very first place.

This point requires further self investigation.

In relationships, its either ALL or NOTHING, when it comes to trust and integrity. Can't be faithful just 99.9999% of the time.  

Amma, the "Hugging Saint", is her group a CULT?

Amritanandamayi Devi, also known as Amma, or the hugging saint, leads a vast spiritual organization in India and around the world. On the surface of it, her teachings are simple and likable for the religious minded folks, and who wouldn't like a hug from a saint after all, apparently that is the nearest you can come to getting a hug from God. Since God him/herself  cannot down to hug you, might as well settle with this hugging saint, AMMA.  

Is her organization a CULT ? 

Does she have a CULT-ish like following ? Do the devotees of Amma simply following their master? Are they taught to take Self-Responsibility and therefore stand as Self-Standing Self-Responsible human beings without ever needing a master or saint? Do the devotees of Amma, taught how to eradicate emotions and feelings that are arising like storms within humans these days without ever needing to worship their saint? Do the devotees learn about Self-Writing to Self Freedom? Do they know or have applied Self-Forgiveness to rebirth themselves as LIFE through the physical? Are the devotees of Amma, aware of themselves as LIFE without ever needing a master or guru? Do they realize guru worship as mind control and it enslaves them? Do they realize that all the so-called charity work done by Amma's organization is just that charity, which only widens the gap between the haves and have-nots. As charity is a feel good thing, it never really solves the problem.

Has Amma ever mentioned the principle of "What is Best for All" ? Has she ever discussed what is an Equal Money System, or Equal Labor System, or Equal Housing System, or Equal Education System or Equal Healthcare Systems are all about ? Does Amma understand what is 'Equality for All' mean? 

Amma, the hugging saint, will she stand as One Vote for Equal Money System and therefore to bring a practical heaven on earth for all ? 

Does she know guru worship and adoration is self-dishonest and self-deceitful ?

Does she know what a CULT is ? Look no further, simple devotee attachment and adoration to the guru implies a CULT like spiritual nonsense. 

Investigate www.desteni.co.za to find how to set yourself free from your accepted and allowed guru nonsense. Its never too late, be yourself, be the LIFE that you're.

Is one drop of Beer too much?

Since coming to desteni, i have entirely gave up my taste to drink anything alcohol. even within desteni materials drinking alcohol is not suggested, the harm it can do to the body and mind has been well documented. I was never a heavy drinker, but I will never refuse to have a drink at parties etc. At home i hardly purchased beer or anything for personal consumption. if i recall correct, it was the boxing day 2004 i last got drunk. i remember that day very well because of the South Asian Tsunami which took nearly 275,000 lives within seconds. Though never got drunk since, but i continue have occational beer every now and then. a social drinker is the term.

Reading desteni materials, it became very clear to me that drinking serves no purpose at all, it only builds up the Mind Conscious System (MCS). The problem was not just about drinking, its about how the MCS builds up, and how enslavement becomes stronger and stronger. Water purifies the body, self-forgiveness stills the water in the body, whereas alcohol does something harmful to the body and it is not in alignment with what self-forgiveness does to the body. Alcohol is detrimental to the outcome of self-forgiveness.

Taking alcohol is self-dishonest. At some point i argue about the quantity of alcohol one takes, is small glass too much? is one drop of beer too much? well on the surface of it, taking a small glass seems rather harmless. I mean few sips are not going to kill you. But going deeper into desteni materials one realizes even taking a sip of beer is just too much, because the issue is not in the amount, its about what a drop can do to build up the Mind Conscious System. The system build up that goes on within the body thanks to alcohol is very detrimental.

Tonight I was at a social party, visiting an extended family after few years of distance. I have been rather disconnected to them for last 3-4 years now, other day i got invited by them to attend some special event party at their place. So, tonight i went, i was very nervous, old memories and thoughts running in mind, old emotions of our long gone association came to my mind. Thought it was very nice of them to invite me to this occation, i would have preferrred if they had chosen to close the door totally. Anyways, it turned out i had a nice time.

The sad part is i had to take few sips of beer. As i entered the host invited me to have a drink, out of nervousness and self-embarassment, perhaps bit of shyness to meet all that people after years of distance, i said yes to a drink. i was served a cold beer in a tall glass. i took a sip, then another, then another, about 4-5 in total, i was starting to feel a bit drunk already, my head was kind of spinning, i was feeling uncomfortable. Now, no man of in his 40s will show signs of drunkenness after 4 sips of beer, unless you're totally allegeric to beer, which i am not. so my conclusion is having avoided alcohol for few years now, even taking a few sips of beer show its effort in the body very fast. I have done a self-detrimental act by taking those few sips of beer. Amount doesn't matter, i have put alcohol into my body, so its building up my MCS even more. A serious time loop will ensure.

The point of doing self-forgiveness is to get rid of the MCS, whereas taking beer will do just the opposite, that's exactly how i felt today at the party.

It was no party for me, as i have abused myself my body by taking few sips of beer. moreover i gave into nervousness and shyness, and fear, so i justified having the drinks to calm me down. yes it did clam me down, i became relax at the party, but i missed the whole point of transecendence. The only good news is by the 4th of 5th sip, i put the glass away, took a glass of soda instead. oh well, too late now, could have done that with the very first sip. But i didn't because i allowed and accepted myself to enjoy the beer, i allowed it to clam me down, and of course i allowed it to build up my MCS, only time will tell its consequences.

What a fool. ok let this be the final lesson. never again, not even a drop. this regret to is just too much to bear.

'Till here no further, i will never take any more sips of alcohol ever again. I realize the point is not about how many sips i take, its about saying absolute and unconditional NO to alcohol, forever more.

Life or Ego, what is that you see in another?

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see the LIFE in the humans.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to just see only the mind and ego in the humans.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to only look at what i want to see in humans and thereby deny the very LIFE that exist within humans.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself only to look at the ego and mind in the humans, that is because my ego loves to see only the ego in others.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to limit humans to egos and minds.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to like seen humans as egos and minds and nothing else.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to see humans as embodiments of LIFE, therefore worthy of respect and honor just like how i liked to be respected and honored.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to ignore the LIFE portion within the humans so that i can make all kids of judgement about them.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see only what i want to see in humans, which is their egos and minds.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to only see the egos in humans so that i can judge them as fucking bastards which implies that i am perfect.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to never ask the question why is that i only look at the ego in the humans, why is that i look their limited minds and their MCS ? knowing very well each  human is a MCS, i still judge them and limit them and deny them the honor and respect they deserve as LIFE.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately ignore the LIFE thingy within the humans and just see only their egos and minds.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to only see what i like to see which allows me to make war with them and against them. had i taken a moment to see the LIFE in the vilan, i would have understood him/her to be equal and one as myself, but no, i only want to see their egos and minds which is nothing but their MCS. 


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not realize humans are MCS, and embodiment of LIFE, therefore if i only see their MCS i will only see their MCS, and hence all my judgements about them will be justified. after all we all know about MCS, and its very nature. 


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself blame humans and judge humans for been MCS. 


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame humans for been egoistic. in this i don't realize that everyone is an ego, everyone is a MCS, everyone is controlled and preprogrammed, therefore there is nothing to blame about, simply see and understand it and not judge them for been MCS. it is what it is. 


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge humans for not applying self forgiveness. 


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge humans for been self dishonest. then i can hide my own self dishonesty.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself blame others for been dishonest, in that i can hide my own bullshit.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for been MCS/Egos, so in  that i can hide my own MCS and ego which i cannot stand anymore.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to declare war against other egos and in that destroy the LIFE that is embodied within them. basically whenever i declare war against any EGO, i am declaring war against LIFE too.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge egos and MCS.


when and as i see myself judging another for been an ego or MCS, i simply stop myself realising that it is what it is. if they had the chance to apply self forgiveness like me, they might have a chance at least to over come their egos. but no, they haven't got hold of SF yet, so i cannot blame them or hurt them for been EGOs, as that is the nature of all humans. so am i going to war with each because they are EGOs?


when and as i see myself going to war with another ego, i simply stop it, knowing that it is my own ego seeking a war, to fuel and feed itself. 
when and as i see myself ignoring the LIFE in another and see only their EGO, i stop myself realising that i am now been spiteful because i deliberately look only at their EGOs, because i want war. so i stop myself from looking at their EGOic patterns, because i know the more i look at their egos the more wars will turn out. therefore i simply breath, and remain here physical. i know the other is ego is just me as well, it is another as me.


really, who the fuck am i? i am here as breath, as breath of life. and i know everyone else is LIFE too for sure, it just their are MCS and egos as well. so i will not focus on their egos to declare war. 

I am a master at self-sabotage.

my urge to self destroy is getting stronger these days. I suppose these are the days of self-sabotage, its a phase within the process each is walking now. For me, i have always been a master at self-sabotage. I am driven by emotions to self-destroy, more than anything. When I feel certain painful feelings I will justify to myself that, yes I must quit, I must end. I have resigned a few jobs in the past within the first 2-3 years into the job, when the going  get tough I will simply call it a day. Or when a relationship becomes a bit painful, I will walk myself out of it. Not realizing the emotions that i feel is something i must transcend without running away from the issue. Ok how many times am i going to resigned a job, how many times am i going to quit a relationship, how many times am i going to move out this town?

when and as i see myself justifying myself to 'quit' something, i will hold myself there, not allow myself to follow through on it. because i know, once i give into the process of quitting, its a matter of time, the quitting will manifest, i have been there many times, i have quieted many times, i left relationships many times. so when and as i see myself preparing to leave, i will simply breathe here, as i know one day i will be a deadman, will be buried 6 foot under, so no point really quitting this job or relationship, better to work it out, better to speak/talk and reach an agreement. yes, without ever giving into the emotions of wanting to end, i can leave a situation if it is the last resort, but it is certainly not the first resort. so when and as i see myself wanting to end  something, like a job or relationship, i simply return to breath, i am breathing, i am alone here, as in life and death everyone is alone, so why bother to runaway just because i feel a bit of emotions called 'pain'. it just emotions, energy. tomorrow, i will not even know what is this pain i feel today is like, for sure, i cannot remember any emotions/pain/hurts i felt yesterday or yesteryear, yet i have often ran away from many situations because i just could not bear the pain of the moment. so i have been there, i see how in futile to running away is. i am breathing. so when and as i see myself wanting to end, i simply breath, as i know, i should be here now, not within the process of thinking about how to end, at which, i am a master. so remain here.

oh god, how many times have i ran away? how many times will i threaten people that i will ran away? i am breath i am here.

Join the desteni-i-process to learn the tools of self forgiveness , self honesty and self correction to change to what is best for all, and what is best for self.

To die like a fly on the windscreen

Just one life to live, my death is a sure certainty.

So the question to ask is, what the HELL am I going to do before I die ? Dying as a hero is out of the question, I am no hero. Dying as a famous singer is out of the question. Dying as a famous personality is out of the question, or dying as a sought-after scientist is beyond me, dying as a rich man is useless. Or dying as a political head is beyond me too. Or even dying as an artist or writer is rather late now. Very likely I will die as a normal person who lived a normal life. At the end of the day, my life is rather an uneventful journey, nothing significant to talk about, nor to remember about.

Basically like a fly on the windscreen I will die someday. Perhaps a decent funeral, because I know my brother is a kind of a guy who will do such bullshit, so I may get a decent family funeral. So that is all about my life in a summary. So I better find a really damn good mission to do before I die, to make my life a useful one. Otherwise, my life would be forgotten like a dead fly on the windscreen.

Within the desteni process, self-forgiveness, self honesty, and equal money system, I found all meaning to my life and therefore to my death. Till I die and beyond I will stand for Equal Money System, this is to bring about a practical heaven on earth, so that every human being can live in dignity and die in dignity. I didn’t live in dignity , and surely I will not die in dignity, as I lived my whole life in fear of survival and self-deceit. Because to survive I had to lie, to cheat, to be dishonest etc, while 25,000 humans die tonight in hunger or related causes, I am here enjoying blogging and vlogging. I have the privilege to sit in the comfort of home in luxury. Yet many die in hunger tonight, which I accept and allow as normal.

Therefore as long as I live, I want to scream and shout about the world conditions, about the hunger of many, as they don’t have a voice to scream and shout. So I will shout on their behalf. I will scream on their behalf. Those 25,000 may die tonight, as I am still here, I will shout and scream on their behalf so a new world will be born, and starvation/hunger will be seen ever again. Obviously I too will die one day, so still have time to shout and scream to end the starvation and madness of this world. But I am not going to waste my time in useless shouting and screaming, I will do it smartly, as a group, with the principle of one man one vote, seeking votes to bring about a new set of laws to end all abuses everywhere. Therefore to implement equal money system is the first immediate goal, worldwide.

Even then, I may still die like a fly on the windscreen, but at least I will leave a world with Equal Money System for all to live in dignity. Who knows, if I were to return, at least this planet will be a place of support and assistance. I will not have to worry and fear about paychecks, rent, housing, healthcare bills, water, food, education, layoffs, etc.

Can you imagine how this earth will be in the next 10,000 years ? At desteni, we propose a practical heaven on earth though Equality for All.  

Join us: www.equalmoney.org

The Global Democratic Political Movement: Equal Life Party.

Equal Life Party of Afghanistan

Equal Life Party of Albania

Equal Life Party of Algeria

Equal Life Party of Andorra

Equal Life Party of Angola

Equal Life Party of Antigua & Deps

Equal Life Party of Argentina

Equal Life Party of Armenia

Equal Life Party of Australia

Equal Life Party of Austria

Equal Life Party of Azerbaijan

Equal Life Party of Bahamas

Equal Life Party of Bahrain

Equal Life Party of Bangladesh

Equal Life Party of Barbados

Equal Life Party of Belarus

Equal Life Party of Belgium

Equal Life Party of Belize

Equal Life Party of Benin

Equal Life Party of Bhutan

Equal Life Party of Bolivia

Equal Life Party of Bosnia Herzegovina

Equal Life Party of Botswana

Equal Life Party of Brazil

Equal Life Party of Brunei

Equal Life Party of Bulgaria

Equal Life Party of Burkina

Equal Life Party of Burundi

Equal Life Party of Cambodia

Equal Life Party of Cameroon

Equal Life Party of Canada

Equal Life Party of Cape Verde

Equal Life Party of Central African Rep

Equal Life Party of Chad

Equal Life Party of Chile

Equal Life Party of China

Equal Life Party of Colombia

Equal Life Party of Comoros

Equal Life Party of Congo

Equal Life Party of Congo {Democratic Rep}

Equal Life Party of Costa Rica

Equal Life Party of Croatia

Equal Life Party of Cuba

Equal Life Party of Cyprus

Equal Life Party of Czech Republic

Equal Life Party of Denmark

Equal Life Party of Djibouti

Equal Life Party of Dominica

Equal Life Party of Dominican Republic

Equal Life Party of East Timor

Equal Life Party of Ecuador

Equal Life Party of Egypt

Equal Life Party of El Salvador

Equal Life Party of Equatorial Guinea

Equal Life Party of Eritrea

Equal Life Party of Estonia

Equal Life Party of Ethiopia

Equal Life Party of Fiji

Equal Life Party of Finland

Equal Life Party of France

Equal Life Party of Gabon

Equal Life Party of Gambia

Equal Life Party of Georgia

Equal Life Party of Germany

Equal Life Party of Ghana

Equal Life Party of Greece

Equal Life Party of Grenada

Equal Life Party of Guatemala

Equal Life Party of Guinea

Equal Life Party of Guinea-Bissau

Equal Life Party of Guyana

Equal Life Party of Haiti

Equal Life Party of Honduras

Equal Life Party of Hungary

Equal Life Party of Iceland

Equal Life Party of India

Equal Life Party of Indonesia

Equal Life Party of Iran

Equal Life Party of Iraq

Equal Life Party of Ireland

Equal Life Party of Israel

Equal Life Party of Italy

Equal Life Party of Ivory Coast

Equal Life Party of Jamaica

Equal Life Party of Japan

Equal Life Party of Jordan

Equal Life Party of Kazakhstan

Equal Life Party of Kenya

Equal Life Party of Kiribati

Equal Life Party of Korea North

Equal Life Party of Korea South

Equal Life Party of Kosovo

Equal Life Party of Kuwait

Equal Life Party of Kyrgyzstan

Equal Life Party of Laos

Equal Life Party of Latvia

Equal Life Party of Lebanon

Equal Life Party of Lesotho

Equal Life Party of Liberia

Equal Life Party of Libya

Equal Life Party of Liechtenstein

Equal Life Party of Lithuania

Equal Life Party of Luxembourg

Equal Life Party of Macedonia

Equal Life Party of Madagascar

Equal Life Party of Malawi

Equal Life Party of Malaysia

Equal Life Party of Maldives

Equal Life Party of Mali

Equal Life Party of Malta

Equal Life Party of Montenegro

Equal Life Party of Marshall Islands

Equal Life Party of Mauritania

Equal Life Party of Mauritius

Equal Life Party of Mexico

Equal Life Party of Micronesia

Equal Life Party of Moldova

Equal Life Party of Monaco

Equal Life Party of Mongolia

Equal Life Party of Morocco

Equal Life Party of Mozambique

Equal Life Party of Myanmar

Equal Life Party of Namibia

Equal Life Party of Nauru

Equal Life Party of Nepal

Equal Life Party of Netherlands

Equal Life Party of New Zealand

Equal Life Party of Nicaragua

Equal Life Party of Niger

Equal Life Party of Nigeria

Equal Life Party of Norway

Equal Life Party of Oman

Equal Life Party of Pakistan

Equal Life Party of Palau

Equal Life Party of Panama

Equal Life Party of Papua New Guinea

Equal Life Party of Paraguay

Equal Life Party of Peru

Equal Life Party of Philippines

Equal Life Party of Poland

Equal Life Party of Portugal

Equal Life Party of Qatar

Equal Life Party of Romania

Equal Life Party of Russian Federation

Equal Life Party of Rwanda

Equal Life Party of St Kitts & Nevis

Equal Life Party of St Lucia

Equal Life Party of Saint Vincent & the Grenadines

Equal Life Party of Samoa

Equal Life Party of San Marino

Equal Life Party of Sao Tome & Principe

Equal Life Party of Saudi Arabia

Equal Life Party of Senegal

Equal Life Party of Serbia

Equal Life Party of Seychelles

Equal Life Party of Sierra Leone

Equal Life Party of Singapore

Equal Life Party of Slovakia

Equal Life Party of Slovenia

Equal Life Party of Solomon Islands

Equal Life Party of Somalia

Equal Life Party of South Africa

Equal Life Party of Spain

Equal Life Party of Sri Lanka

Equal Life Party of Sudan

Equal Life Party of Suriname

Equal Life Party of Swaziland

Equal Life Party of Sweden

Equal Life Party of Switzerland

Equal Life Party of Syria

Equal Life Party of Taiwan

Equal Life Party of Tajikistan

Equal Life Party of Tanzania

Equal Life Party of Thailand

Equal Life Party of Togo

Equal Life Party of Tonga

Equal Life Party of Trinidad & Tobago

Equal Life Party of Tunisia

Equal Life Party of Turkey

Equal Life Party of Turkmenistan

Equal Life Party of Tuvalu

Equal Life Party of Uganda

Equal Life Party of Ukraine

Equal Life Party of United Arab Emirates

Equal Life Party of United Kingdom

Equal Life Party of United States

Equal Life Party of Uruguay

Equal Life Party of Uzbekistan

Equal Life Party of Vanuatu

Equal Life Party of Vatican City

Equal Life Party of Venezuela

Equal Life Party of Vietnam

Equal Life Party of Yemen

Equal Life Party of Zambia

Equal Life Party of Zimbabwe