2011 World cup cricket winner is already fixed: Its all about MONEY.

cricket is a fucking money printing machine. now with the world cup, millions if not billions will be made. even betting on the game outcomes is a huge bloody business. so you never know may be the final outcome of this saturday's world cup final game is already fixed. we the ignorant spectators will shout and scream for our teams, while the big boys will cash in big time.

few years back a South African cricket captain admitted to match fixing. the guy even had a tattoo on his arm, WWJD, What Would Judas Do, opps sorry, What Would Jesus Do. And he did exactly that, follow judas. the fucking father of christianity.

so this saturday, don't get all hyped up, the game is already decided by the money movers and shakers. such is life in this capitalistic world of ours, everything is decided by money. who lives, who dies, who eats, who starves, yes decided by the supreme godhead, the MONEY.

fucked up shit, so join us, investigate the Equal Money System. lets bring a new world where money doesn't rule us humans. it is simply tool to exchange. Study investigate Equal Money System.

Make your fucking life a useful one

Cheering to Indian cricket team doesn't make you a proud Indian.

Apparently the two entire nations came to a standstill during the semi finals world cup cricket match between India and Pakistan. in Pakistan, the government declared a half-day to allow civil servants to enjoy the match.

watching bits and pieces on a cricket website, you can see the emotional highs and lows on the spectators. so over 1 billion humans were glued to their idiot boxes hoping their boys will win it. god, cricket in india and pakistan is worse than praying to a non existent god.  those guys go crazy during the game between the these two nations. their hidden nuclear arms comes to surface thru the cricket bat and ball, allowing the feelings of patriotism and nationalism to run wild. what a fucked up reality is this. a game, a match is taking the attention of 1 billion+ humans. Indian TV channels made a killing today.

India won, so what is the big fucking deal? all those spectators i guess had a good reason to party for the night then go home. Upon arriving home, they sill have to worry about survival, food, shelter, medicine, education, bill payments etc. i suppose the game is an emotional escape from the burden of living in those countries. for a day they felt great to be an indian. because otherwise it sucks to be an indian in india, in that poor country.  oppression corruption slavery all sorts of other bullshit to put up with, who cares, cricket solves all problems in india.

what a fucked up mindcontrolled bunch of monkeys we have become.

what about all those starving poor indians in india ? have their reality changed ? has cricket changed their reality ? fucked up shit.

you stupid fucking fanatic indian cricket fans, investigate Equal Money System to bring dignity of life to every Indian, if you dare to care.

cheering to your cricket team doesn't make you a proud indian, help bring Equal Money System to all indians, surely you will have done a great service.

Don't be so sorry you sorry ass motherfucker. Instead self-forgive yourself.

back in 1982-83, in all boys school in sri lanka, i have some memories of being bullied by a classmate of my age. very strange this guy picked on me and at times physically attempted to harm me. for sure, words of filth were ample. today some 30 years later, the fucker comes to facebook and offering a very condescending 'sorry' with a smile. And the fucker is a Jesus cocksucker now. WTF.

all i can say is, don't be so sorry you sorry as motherfucker.

instead self-forgive yourself.

Daily means everyday.

i am telling myself no blog tonight because its already past midnight. true, but it doesn't take that long to write few lines. the point of self-writing daily is to write daily, not to miss even a single day. i just noticed i have submitted 70 blog entries since i started daily blogging, about 3 months back.

i have been rather regular about my daily blogging. i know, if i miss just one day, i will notice a difference, this daily blogging thing has really become a part of day to day living. i must write everyday, even if it is past midnight.

perhaps there is self joy in self writing. well let me not go there, the point i want to make is, just write, even few lines, it is sufficient. remember, this is called daily writing to freedom. so i cannot even miss a single day.

of course daily means everyday.

that's all i have to say tonight, and for that i got a small blog entry tonight.

Join us, join this self blogging revolution, take small steps. write few lines, but do it daily.

Today I took a day off from work just to 'think'.

it just unbelievable how emotionally possessed i become. i mean it really sucks. sometimes for a whole day i can stay stuck in a doze of emotions without any relief from it for hours and hours. i need to get physical meaning i lack physical movements, workouts, some kind of a sport, or even house cleaning, lack of physical movement coupled with 'sit down and think' has made me a bag of emotions. it sucks,

i see so many happy people but somehow i seem often taken over by some emotions. today monday by the time i got ready to goto work, i was overloaded by certain line of thinking and emotions, i felt so way too much. i called a day off. i spend the day alone, self time. coffee time, walking time, even then what do i do, i just think and think. all day i did nothing useful, went to see a car at dealer, that's about it, mostly spend sitting for tea and just thinking. here get physical means get the hell out of the mind, get out of that chair and move the butt to do some physical activity. even walking for god sake would take me out of my mind. nope i just sat with tea and did a day full of thinking. i guess i have a lot of think these days.

i am sure at the hour of my death, i will regret wasting this day. why did i waste so much of my life just thinking and doing nothing. get physical , get physical, do some cleaning, go for a walk, clean the tables, clean the toilets, do something, even fucking masturbate if you have to, just to get out of that thinking chair and stop god damn thinking.

so i am going to buy myself a little voice recorder, so when i hit that thinking chair with my tea next time, i am going to hit record button, at least i will have a few vids done, a view into my demonic secret mind. a view into my nasty fucking backchat. i am going to just talk the shit out of my mind and record the shit. its ok, it is my process, my shit i will gladly share with all. perhaps some may see their shit in my shit too

Meeting of Destonians in Ottawa/Canada.

Tonight i met fellow destonians in ottawa/canada, it was very cool. we spoke with one voice. we shared views and our desteni experiences with one voice. this one voice was made possible thanks to the self forgiveness process each one has been walking for sometime. it is amazing to see how determined each person is in their commitment to self change and to change this world. i mean so much refreshing than speaking to so-called 'normal bunch of people'.

tonight each destonian is a witness that the desteni process is the solution to self change and world change. i am my own proof and each is their own proof, yet in coming together each becomes a point of support to others. while the desteni process is a solo process, the group support is ample and amazing. talking to any destonian is a refreshing experience. i mean there is no bullshit. even if there is some bullshit it is quickly made visible. yeah looking back i made few comments that are full of bullshit. and that is ok because self-introspection, self-reflection, self-forgiveness, self-correction is what i am walking until i undo my bullshit completely.

1000s may reject the mission of equality, but to meet just 1 person who stands for equality is a joy.  when you hear the voice of that one who is speaking for equality, you know, you're hearing the truth, the real stuff. so it was really cool a meeting. we are not same, but we are equal we are one.

tonight it become very clear to me: the mother of all problems in our world is lack of equality. every problem boils down to that. so when equality for all is here, there will be a new earth, a new heaven for all, us humans, animals, and nature.

I am glad i am walking this desteni process. and I am not alone.

Watching 2011 World Cup Cricket is an Addiction, its Mental Masturbation.

WTF. I am still crazy about this game called cricket. grew up watching it, playing it, and now the world cup 2011 cricket is going on, i am like glued to scores, thank god i don't get the games on TV here, so at work every few minutes i will be checking the scores on games going on in south east asia right now. its a shame, how much i am mindprogrammed and controlled to watch bullshit game. and how much i react emotionally to the games ups and downs. specially for my team, i have strong attachment. this is a total mindfuck. no other word to describe the bullshit of attachment to sports.

As child i was into cricket, then into adulthood very much into watching and playing the game too. but now i hardly play it, just watching and reading about it like a religion almost. fucking bullshit. so what is that i am really 'getting' when my team is playing well ?

excitement, thrill, energy rush, belonging, victorious, group identification, kind of heard mentality by following a team, nationalism, etc. so all those are basically self definitions which i enhance through the national team. perhaps it has nothing to do with the game itself, its enhancement of self definitions i get by following the game. i mean, suppose if i am here just as breath, no such game following would be required.

i may have dumped all the gods and religions, but hell no i have not given up the god of spots and energy excitement. so i am back to square one again.

Tomorrow my team, sri lanka is playing against england in quarter finals. i am getting all excited to follow it online. watching the clip online etc. what a madness. what a waste of time, what a waste of life,

my time here on earth, is not about wasting on mundane religious bullshit like watching games or following them online. if anything,i should go out in the fields and play the game, get physical etc. just watching it like going to church is just pure bullshit.

the excitement to see my team win is a such big fucking deal. the desire to win, which is what creating hell on earth. the root of capitalism is also the desire to win. so participating and following sports is just like supporting capitalism. i mean sports is all about money anyways.

yeah so the world cup cricket is going on, while millions starving and dying in hunger and thirst. and i just want to get high in energy rush by seen my team winning. what a fucking bullshit. for sure it would be very painful to see my team lose. sure sign of attachment to bullshit.

so much fucking bullshits in our lives.

well return to breath, be here, be physical, consider what is best for all. speak for equality, stand for equality, self-forgive, be self honest. and stop participating in social bullshit like watching a fucking world cup game.

i am here. i breathe. i stand for what is best for all. my life here is not about entertainment, its about bringing equality for all, its about standing up for what is real.

Car Insurance costing too much ?

I am hunting for a car these days, i learned my car insurance could cost about 60-70% of my monthly car payments. so in 10 years, i would have paid about $13,000 in just insurance payments. very fascinating this insurance business.

I recall in the olden days back in Sri Lanka the village farmers had something similar to insurance concept. the idea is simple and above all, its best for all. this is how it worked:

Lets say there are 20 farmers in this little village, every month each farmer would put a monthly contribution to the collective cash pot, and the pot is given to one farmer each month. in this way, each farmer gets the pot once. this is very similar to insurance payments, from the perspective of monthly payments, where each farmer must make his payments for every month for 20 months. So every farmer gets the cash pot once. every farmer gets to have one big month. and there is no concept of profit here, no concept of money-managers, no concept of administrative fee, its all collected by the farmers, and shared by the farmers.

Whereas now, every driver is paying monthly payments, say there are 10 million drivers in canada, and each driver is paying nearly 100$ a month, that is a whopping 1000 million dollars collected as monthly car insurance payments by the large insurance companies. that is 1 billion dollars btw. now, don't tell me all that 1 billion$ is going back to the community of drivers. no not at all. small part of it goes to pay for car accidents and payouts as they call them. but large part of it is pocketed by the collectors in this case the large insurance companies.

so for 1 month, a whopping 1 billion dollars and for 1 year, 10 billion $$$$$. well, you do the math, all in the name of covering each driver for safety from accidents and injuries. A really good way to suck billions of dollars using fear,

that is what insurance is all about, making money out of fear.

whereas in the olden village collection was for the collective good of all farmers. its good for each farmer, its good for all farmers. very simple pooling of money for the good of all.

now within the equality systems of things, we are not returning to the village style of insurance,we go beyond and above that formula. we simply cover and protect every human being. that is precisely what equal money system is all about. supporting covering, protecting every human being with full support. no need for profit based insurance giants to protect us. they are not protecting us, they are making money in the name of protecting us.

so for now, i will have to get a car and pay the fucking insurance premium, there is no other choice. we have to live in the system now. though i am very fed up with this fucking system of profit making in every juncture of one's life here. this is the madness we have created for ourselves.

So its urgent, we bring a new world of equality for all to live in dignity. for this, i am unconditionally a voice and a vote for world equality.

please join us. thanks.

Watch out for next 10 years

A letter to a friend:

Hi Vasantha,

yes please visit www.desteni.co.za and learn about the self-supporting tools then as you develop in self-trust you can start speaking about equal life party stuff. but first self, meaning, you have to become utterly self-honest, for which you have to self-walk a process of 2-3 years of self-forgiveness etc.

so see the site get involved for yourself. then as inner so outer, you will naturally take part in changing this world for what is best for all. of course equal money system, equal labor, equal education, equal housing will all make sense to you. we are so mind preprogrammed even to question capitalism is so hard for some, they think its been evil to question the capitalism etc.

so yes we are becoming the new politicians and new economists of the world first by becoming self-honest human beings. again only in 10-15 years we will register the equal life party in every country, so by the time we bring equal life systems that supports all life equally, we estimate good 20-25 years. but it must be done, and it will be done.

much chaos and calamities are on the table as you can see in increased in natural warnings for humanity. even the birds are dying to tell us something. you must have heard birds, bats, fishes, honey bees, have vanished in sudden vast numbers in last few years. at the same time democracy is arising, even in unimaginable places like libya etc, and it must, its all assisting to bring a new world.

so watch-out for next 10 years as humanity get ready to self create a new world. this is a universal process, time has come to end man's brutal ego towards himself and nature. And don't count on afterlife promises, we only worry about how to create a practical heaven on earth. that's all, no heavens no hells, all is here. and you by self-forgiving and becoming self-honest to yourself, you will assist in the creation of heaven on earth, along with others who are walking this process.

i know you stood for justice in many points in your life, now stand for equality for all humans. its a whole new journey. so i invite you visit desteni.co.za and start your self-forgiveness process. one breath at a time. though the project is massive, but all starts with you, just one breath at a time.

thanks

Anton

I joke too much, seeking to get attention.

yeah i found myself to be making too many jokes, as if i want others to have a laugh. this a long standing personality trait of mine. i am very quick to crack a joke in the company of others, also when children are around like to crack a joke or two, i like to make the kids laugh. actually i become a bit of a clown when kids are around. with adults around, yeah i am quick throw 'funny comments' of course not at the expense of another getting hurt or anything. no, just deliberately throwing in 'funny' comments. sometimes i even plan my jokes.

i have to stop this funny guy mentality or personality. trying to throw funny comments is just a way to draw the attention of others towards me. obviously. i want others to pay attention to me, listen to what i have to say etc. this again goes back to living with the breath, where there is absolutely no need for any jokes or funny comments. as breath i am simply here.

trying to impress others with 'advance thought' is another bullshit i do, all this is to get attention for myself. sometimes i will crack a profound comment about society etc, clearly to show that i have a strong understanding about how fucked up the world is. my actual comment may be valid, but it is done with the starting point of wanting attention to myself, now that sucks.

so only way to stop being a funny clown is stop cracking jokes and stop being a fucking clown in front of others. this is so hard for me as this personality trait has become so much of myself, i can't even see that it is a personality trait. at this very moment my backchat is saying, "my funny side is my self expression' which is valid" etc. so clearly i can see i have so much become my personality of funny guy. i can't even see the possibility that i have become my personality. but the backchat says "hey its only your self expression, whats so wrong been humorous and funny " etc.

well whats wrong is i am trying to be funny to get attention from others, wanting others to pay attention to me, because without my funny comments i am kind of dull and boring perhaps. without my funny comments, i really don't' have anything to share with others in my social world. i would just have to sit quietly without having anything to say useful. so to cover up my 'boredom' self, i throw in the cracks of jokes to make feel important in the company of others. with kids to i want them to like me, so i go around to be a fake clown so that kids will like me. this bullshit must stop.

 instead i self accept me as the breath of life, i don't need others approval of my jokes and funny comments. i am simply here, no need to plan jokes and throw them out with timely precision so that punch line lands perfectly. a perfect joke, every one laughs, i get the the attention.

hahahah, anton is a such funny guy. what fucking bullshit. instead i am self acceptance, i accept me, i am here as breath of life, i am breathing this breath. i am physical here as breath. breath by breath i can surely undo this madness to be a funny guy.

i am here breathing.

Converting to Islam ?

this is funny. i am invited by a 'friend' to have lunch this week, and the underline purpose of the meeting is a possible conversation of myself into his religion, which is islam. well with all due respect to my friend, i must say, that isn't going to happen ever ever ever. you couldn't possibly convert me into any religions let alone muslim.

i have nothing against any religions, it just i can't stand to be brainwashed. i mean yeah i am brainwashed to some degree by other social bullshits like TV etc, how i wear cloth, what types of cloths i wear, what type of food i eat, the type of women i like to look at etc, all fucking complete brainwashing or mind programming. i mean everything i do is kind of preprogrammed. so if at least one bloody thing i can avoid been programmed and that is religion, i will gladly kick religion in its' holy ass. i don't' need a fucking religion to tell me how to live my life.

everything is fucking preprogrammed, God can you imagine, what a slave way to live life, everything, even the eye movements are preprogrammed to some degree. how my eyes move here and there, is preprogrammed. how i talked others is preprogrammed, how i smile is preprogrammed, how and what books i read is preprogrammed. how i think certainly is preprogrammed. what patterns of thoughts and ideas i entertain is preprogrammed. i mean every fucking thing i do all day is preprogrammed. how i get aroused is preprogrammed. how i have sex i preprogrammed. how i touch or not touch is preprogrammed.

this 'preprogrammed thing' i noticed even before desteni. when getting into public buses in canada, i noticed that picking a seat is a preprogrammed decision. meaning which seat should i sit? next to whom should i sit? certainly not going to sit next to a 'homeless' looking bum ? certainly not going to sit next to a black guy who looks like he just came out of jail or something? or surely not going to sit next a fat ugly looking woman? of course a sweet looking gal who looks hot and attractive is a perfect candidate to sit next to.

been a 'minority brown guy' myself i have noticed how people would just look to avoid sitting next to me. its all fucking preprogrammed. some people are automatically dismissed as possible seatmates. no way on hell they will be desirable candidates to sit next to. all that shit is preprogrammed. i wondered how instantly we arrive at the decision on which seat to take on a public bus?

Racism is preprogrammed, sexism is preprogrammed, ageism is preprogrammed, regionalism is preprogrammed. cast-ism is preprogrammed. all kinds of group devotion is preprogrammed.

of all such bullshit preprogramms, for sure, accepting a religion is the most obvious yet so hard to see it. so this 'friend' of mine is islam because from the day one of his life, he was surrounded by muslims in an 99.99999% muslim environment, he didn't know anything else. all is knew was the book, that one fucking holy book, the koran. so viola, he is a devotee of islam.

now will he understand his devotion as a preprogrammed mind conditioned acceptance ? will see over lunch, i will openly present some common sense points. its not all that easy to see beyond one' preprogrammed bullshit. but i am sure he will turn the tables and charge me as a preprogrammed destonian.

hahahha. what a fucking bullshit. yes he can argue such, but i know where i stand. i stand as me. i am a self standing destonian. i stand as my own self honesty. i am my own self honesty. i have no judge or teacher to tell me how to live. i am my own teacher. i stand on my own two feet. i have no holy book. i have no prophet. i have not even a group to guide me or seek solace. the desteni group as a group yes very supportive, yet in that i seek no group-ism. for political activism yes group work is invaluable. i don't' go desteni to seek belonging or validation. or approval. i stand on my own two feet, yes thanks to desteni i am able to stand on my own two feet.

it will be an interesting lunch, but mark my words, even if hell freezes over, i ain't going to be converted to islam or any other fucking religion. thanks, but no thanks. and you can keep all your virgins for yourself that you supposedly will receive in heaven.

walking a self honest path is more than enough for me, no need for any religions, certainly don't need Islam.

i am open to enjoy a good lunch

Deadman Walking: peaceful way to live.

road bullying is a well know thing, intolerance and impatience on the road between drivers is what is known road bullying. well for me i become a road bully when i am in reactive state of mind. i dump my shit at the expense of some road driver's impatience. really has nothing to do with the other driver. i was already in a pissed off state of mind, and sure enough having the other driver honking triggered my already overheated anger. its all about me, how i react, what i react to, why i react, what state i am in etc etc. and about me, its all about leaving the breath.

i mean really wtf is going on. how much am i going into war with other humans in my life? fuck i am going to die anyways. here my friend is dying from advanced prostate cancer. have i learned anything from it? have i learned that death is around the corner ? have i learned that all my little bickering are ally zero in the bigger picture.

god, i have been a such bickering fucker all my life, every little thing bothers me and i am ready for war. because i always want others to do this or that to me. i want otehrs bring happiness to me, i want others bring comfort to me. i want others to give me peace that i so miss within me. i want others to talk to me. i want others to include me in their groups so that my loneliness will disappear. so all in all, i want others to give me everything that i have always denied myself. i mean that is the core fucking problem. i deny me, then demand others give me that which i deny myself. of course nobody will. others are simply mirroring myself. they are telling me what is that i am doing to myself. what a fucked up reality is this.

so one way to proceed is, never ever ever entertain the so-called others inside my mind. "oh she said that, he said that, they did this to me, they didn't do that to me, etc etc". all the he said she said bullshit must end. i mean really even if the others said all the pretty words, but if i deny me myself, what good is anything?

me denying me, is bit like suicide without actually dying. fuck.

be it my wife, my brother, my step son, my dad, my mom, my youngest brother, my co workers, my friends, or my distant relatives, etc etc, i am always building up a story about them so that i can place me as a victim. "they have denied me", "the have hurt-ed me", "they have fucked my life", "they have messed me up". "they are ignoring me". "they are ignoring me'. shit like that.

in this i have accepted and allowed endless suffering for myself. i believe in my bullshit and allowed me to suffer. nobody is going to make me happy. nobody is going to provide me comforts of life. i have to setup the comforts for me. whatever i deny to me others will deny to me in many folds.

i blame others in that i compound everything 10 folds. whereas the real solution is to dismiss the notion of others, the other does not exist. i am here. the other is a mental reality, a construction of my ego created for me to blame.

so what is my way forward?

i stop blaming others for ANYTHING. really.
i stop asking others to give me comfort of life.
i stop wanting others to provide me security.
i stop wanting others to show care for me.
i stop wanting others to show emotions for me. that is a big trap. i am here as breath. wanting to feel loved is a one big fuck up. this inevitably goes with the feeling that others are not loving me.

there is only ONE way to live life, exist within as this breath, here physically in this breath. breathe, breath, here. no ideas, no thoughts, no believes, no expectations, no loneliness. no desires, no wants, no needs, just breath. just here physically breathing.

i imagine resting inside the coffin, i mean i will be just resting. no bullshit will ever exit. all that bullshit that i live as now will cease. that fucking mind will cease. its so peaceful inside the coffin. then why the fuck can't i live walk exit as a dead man?

its the coolest way to live is to live like a dead man. no mind. no bullshit. no road bullying.

'Irritable Bowl Syndrome' is no Excuse.

Over the years i have developed a bit of an 'upset stomach', meaning there is a strong tendency show signs of an upset stomach. usually moderate attention to 'healthy' food intake can assist me. Anything in excessive intakes is asking for trouble. even if i eat too much green stuff, yes the next day i will be going out all greenish, and irregularity will show up. so really what i mean by an upset stomach is an 'irregular stomach', i don't mean one with pain etc. the technical term is IBS, irritable bowl syndrome. i refuse to use such terms to characterize my stomach. taking too much tea or coffee does some bad magic too. or eating too much meat, or greasy intakes are not suggested. too much spicy is not good, though i love spicy food. so there is always a price awaiting to be paid next day.

so on a day with upset stomach i really have to be careful. i am very irritable, easily can spark anger, very intolerant etc etc, all those nasty stuff come to surface with full force. all because of an upset stomach. very difficult to socialize, not very present, i am kind of in rush as if i want to avoid dealing with people etc i guess bit of depression sets in as well.

on such days, my worse pattern is easily getting angry. i mean any little thing can trigger an angry outburst. of course being rude and nasty for every little thing is not cool.

all this years i have blame it on my stomach as the culprit for my behavior. this has to stop. i have to take self-responsibility on such days especially to check my mind in place. too often, an upset stomach has lead to my angry outburst and rudeness.

here of course, the little brick, life is made out of, the breath, this breath, comes to aid. i must enter the physical as breath, and stay here. i cannot sort all my problems by thinking, specially not with a bad stomach. i will be better off, just simply stay within the breath and remain as the breath. in this way, even the so-called upset stomach i have can 'heal' itself. i mean who knows, may be my so-called upset stomach is refectling an upset mind to begin with. i would be wrong to stay that an upset stomach is causing my upset mind. which sounds very much like an excuse.

though for ages i believed it is my upset stomach that is upsetting my mind. have i ever considered the reverse possibility ? perhaps it is my upset mind that is causing my upset stomach. as all things are in reverse.

regardless, its time to live as the breath in every breath. time to enter the physical and remain as the physical as breath. i mean no point in battling out things in the mind. its an endless battle anyways. whereas staying as the breath, there is a chance to heal.

at least, i will not destroy relationships by hurting them with my unruly words and comments. all in the name of an upset stomach. no more. stomach may continue to show signs of IBS, still, i am the directive principle behind my mind. it is up-to me to speak what i want. so i am self responsible for what i say, how i say, when i say. i am my words. i cannot blame it on my stomach anymore.

i am here as the breath of life.

Give and you shall Receive - Equal Money System.

breathing here. always nice to breath as a point of anchor before doing some self writing. as i am feeling a bit of blank stare not knowing what to write tonight. yeah i was explaining the equal money system to a coworker today over lunch, saying such system would assist humans and especially in situations like Japan now, unconditional support system is so cool to have. just imagine having such unconditional support system all throughout our lives. it will get rid off so much stress and tensions from our daily lives. all he could say was, "i like the idea, but don't think it would be practical, going against human nature etc".

wow, he spoke just like me when first heard about equal money system. i mean i had no clue what the fuck is this EMS and how it would work etc. more i investigated it, the more learned about it, everything just makes sense. at least my coworker understood that money is the god of the world. there is no other. money is the current , the currency of this world. know money, know life, no money, no life. pretty sad situation.

even in the midst of natural disasters people in japan will have to first worry about having enough money to survive in the days to come. charity will not be there for everyday. charity will end. whereas equal money system is unconditional and everlasting. equal money has no end, it will be here forever. every fucking thing in this reality based on money, there is nothing really you can do without money. we are like bunch of fucking slaves just trying to survive this life barely. that is not living, its surviving. bit like trying to finish a prison term . this is not living.

lets create a new world, with equal money system. join us. lets give us a new chance. give all of us a new chance. simple principle even mentioned in the fucking bible, 'give and you shall receive.'

so investigate.

Capitalism is far more murderous than Japanese Tsunami.

The japanese may have survived their worse natural disasters, first it was an earthquake, then a tsunami, then the fear of nuclear meltdown. even if the average japanese survived all three nightmares, in the days to come, they will have to face the wrath of capitalism. as the profit hungry businesses waiting to make a quick profit using the principle of 'supply and demand'.

that is the evil principle which sets the prices of things. so imagine having survived the 3 things in row, there is hardly any food or water around, you walk into some store to buy food as you still have to eat. and guess what, the storekeeper, the capitalist, decided to dramatically increase the food prices, (supply and demand), and you cannot blame the storekeeper as he is in business to make money, and what a great chance when demand for food skyrockets and supply is at all time low, all that means is more profit, make a massive killing in profit.

so even having survived all 3 disasters, average japanese in coming days may find it very difficult to buy his/her basic needs, as the prices will shoot up. such is the beauty of capitalism. at times of disaster using their divine principle 'supply and demand' prices can just shoot up. see same with gas and oil prices. some unrest or any unrest in the middle east gas prices goes up for sure, and they just stay there too, its a different blog altogether. but the point is capitalists will make money out of anything, especially out of disasters.

so you may have survived all natural disasters, but the wrath of capitalism is inescapable. no money means no food/water, which means death.

Japanese, wake up to Equal Money System, where you will be support from birth to death unconditionally. realise that capitalism is far more murderous than all your disasters put together.

SELF in reverse sounds like Flesh

yeah after that little prayer to the physical, today i must say, i notice a slight difference in me. gosh how can i explain it? well i don't want to get carried away by saying that prayer was answered or anything, no, all i am saying is, there was a certain assertiveness about me today. well its cool. but the real results of the prayer is breaking down of my life as i know it now. which is not a pretty picture. so i suggest everyone to speak that prayer out to the physical. its time to get physical, who is the real self (flesh).

i saw in the private forum, where Bernard Poolman saying, 'physical is the real identify of the self'. yeah i doubled checked it, "physical awareness as the identify of the self".  its all cool.

more breathing, here, get into the physical.

A Prayer

I hereby request 'the physical' to assist me to see what is really real here. I am ready to receive any help whatsoever from 'the physical' so that I will see what is real here.

This is my prayer to the physical.

Embracing the physical with a viral flu

This is the time to embrace the physical. though i am not 100% sure what is that mean. with tsunamis going around, mother nature , the physical is showing us humans something. for myself, my human physical body is showing me something these days as i am down with a viral flu.

the doctor's office is packed, its a walk in clinic, as i don't have a family physician. first thing i do as enter the clinic is show the magic health card, such is the power of the current medical system. no card no service, unless you're willing to pay an arm and a leg. anyway that besides the point.

my physical body is down with a viral flu according to the doctor. 2 days i called in sick at work. already feeling guilty for been off from work. such is mind programming, have to goto work no matter what, otherwise the police officer inside my head will take over.

yeah embrace the physical, as bernard said other on chat. embrace the physical. for me it means, the breath, which is the nearest physical thing to me, my breath, the one i am breathing here now. certainly 'embrace the physical' cannot mean thinking or going into the mind. be here in the body as breath, attend to physical things, with hands, touch, cut veggies, wash dishes, clean the snow, be here, anything but thinking.

yeah not feeling well at all, with the flu, taking lots of water, juices etc, water is cool support to the human body. do you know water is the only in-take that is not digest by the human body ? cool isn't it. if anything, water is life.

yeah embrace the physical, still not sure what it means 100%. for now, i will breathe, drink a lot of water, get out of my mind. i sure don't' need a Japanese style tsunami in my backyard to remind me to embrace the physical. over 10,000 killed i wonder what humanity will learn from it.

The physical is here and embrace it, and whatever that means.

2004 Tsunami collections by Redcross.

well collecting money during natural disasters is now a routine thing. during 2004 boxing day tsunami in south east asia, the red cross organization around world was able collect a hung sums, million of dollars.

one wonders how much exactly did the redcross collect? how was it spend ? what was the administrative cost ? what percentage of that actually went to luxury travels and hotels stays of redcross staff ? the real victims, how much did they receive in actual dollar figures ? donations and so called distributions to the victims is a huge scam. has the redcross ever published the figures in utter details including the big perks and salaries their bosses are making ?

i will never buy that UN christmas dolls that the UN volunteers sell during xmas. you have no idea how big those UN relief agencies bosses make, huge in fact. somehow the UN volunteers are doped to believe that they are doing a noble thing.

there is nothing noble about charity darling.

Japan's Tsunami: a market to make quick money.

it is disgusting to realize that japan's disaster is chance for quick money making. i mean wtf. so this is the nature of capitalism and profit making, i mean profit making will never rest, it is always hungry to make a quick buck. here is a great chance for all those NGOs and relief agencies to make some money. all in the name of supporting the victims. Redcross collected millions during the 2004 tsunami so what happened to all that money, any accountability? none. so this bullshit will continue as long as survival and profit making is what our system promotes. hence a new system is needed, an equal money system. where all are supported equally, equal quality of life.

if you really dare to care, you must study equal money system. visit equalmoney.org.

that's it for tonight.

Don't waste a single breath.

missed few a days of self-writing i can already feel the urge postpone writing. its fascinating, you missed one day, then it compounds. today the excuse i am coming up is that i don't have anything to say, what non sense. there is always something to write about.

life is build one breath at a time. so every breath what i do really matters, it compounds and builds momentum for the next moment, for the next breath. running away or escaping doesn't do anything, i still have to come back to me, all must to return to self. here in this very breath where magic happens. have to be really careful about momentum of mind things, as mind will keep the continuity of itself going. that is why i get possessed about some thought all day. a single thought could run in my mind all day. wow. that is a lot life-energy to waste by just thinking all day.

always return to this breath, and in this breath just do one this, not 2 things. doing just one thing in one breath accumulates. and in one fine breath death arrives. all the bullshit stops. but whatever i accumulated may continue if it is life supporting. if in every breath i worried about how to make money etc, i don't' see how that can accumulate into afterlife. frankly i don't know what will accumulate into afterlife, but i do know what i do in this breath accumulates. so better be of some value, better be of life supporting. standing for equality is real when i stand in each breath. i cannot slack some breaths and stand up for life in some other breaths. its a full time dedication and occupation.

i am going to die anyways, it is so sure!!! yet i waste my breaths in mundane shits. i mean i am really not ready to face my death in the next breath, b'c i am too occupied by other useless things. oh well, i suppose its a balance. we still need to live in this world, need to work, need to do things, attend to all the practical day to day things. i suppose standing for equality really means not accepting and allowing any mind bullshit in every breath. stand clear here as physical.

daily self writing, daily commitment to spread the message of equality through youtube etc. i mean daily contribution is vital. i have to write a plan how my day will go, not just wander about things. make a plan, so that every breath is accounted for and LIVED.

i one day i will die, what will i leave behind? what of significance and value will i leave behind ? fuck all the bullshit will end for sure. wasting a life is real cause for regret. i mean even wasting one breath is pretty serious stuff. those in the dimensions will tell you how vital is to live each breath. then fuck i dont do it. i waste so much. this cannot continue. each breath must matter. each breath i must be effective and stand up for life, for equality. lets bring world equality by living each for equality. no waste whatsoever. then death is no issue.

When a breath is wasted, a whole life can be wasted.

this is my last chance.

Calm after 'Cuming'

i am here. i am general known as a needy person within my relationships before and now, meaning always wanting attention and touchy stuff. but here is the strange thing, right after ejaculation, i am just the opposite meaning, i seek no attention or touchy stuff, in fact i become 'leave me alone' type. so it goes to show, just a release, an orgasm, is all i am seeking in that apparent 'give me attention' mode. looking to boost my MCS either thru other's energy or thru an ejaculation point. i am very much here within me as self physically, soon after 'cuming' not seeking anyone's attention nor touch. wow. that's is a real Mind fuck.

so all that drama i do get attention is related to boosting my MCS. i mean how would i otherwise explain the state of calmness i feel right after 'cuming', as if i am in heaven no need for anybody's attention or affection. gosh i wish i was this clam all thru day. its a relief to be cool with self, with self presence physically. all that craving and wanting for attention from others is just fucking draining to say the least. god. i am here breathing as me, myself physically.

Cold snake

now millions of dead fishes found on some marina in USA. whats going on? first it was the bats were disappearing in NY, then millions of birds fell of the blue skies, and now the fishes are dying in mass numbers. Dooms day ? nay.

it is surely a time to wake up from the slumber of bullshit.

now what is that mean to me? i have to bring everything to self, to me, i have been a bit of a preacher in self writing. i like to preach like to tell other people how to live their lives. so in that i can avoid looking at me. preaching is a sure sign of self avoidance. so no more. let me look at me.

well a lot going on in my life these days. i am becoming very mean and nasty in anger these days. other day in an argument with my wife i called as 'cold snake'. not coo at all. just because she refuses to pay attention to me i have no right to call her such things out of anger. i cannot justify in any means to call any human such nasty words. 'cold snake'. no i am very sorry i said such, but henceforth, i will contain myself, i will never allow myself to be nasty and mean towards others. i will simply push myself to breath and remain here. yes, i can leave if things are not going as we would like to , but it gives me no right nor pleasure to call anyone such terrible names. would i like her to call me as a cold snake ?

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be nasty and mean justifying that it was my anger made me speak such.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be nasty and mean in my words towards others.
i stop the madness. i am here.

Avoiding self-forgiveness is nasty to self.

i haven't done any self forgiveness for a week or so now. Much resistance. this is not cool. no matter what self forgiveness must be written or spoken. i mean the core of this process is self forgiveness, the rest follows. for a week or more now, i am not directing myself to do any self forgiveness, i have listened to a lot of videos by Bernard, but not much self forgiveness. this is compounding i can see. its allowing me go into the mind, be nasty etc, to construct mind hell etc. however i continue with daily blogging which is cool, but neglecting SF is not cool. so here i direct myself to self forgive me. i have been a nasty fucker lately.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to ignore myself by avoiding self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to neglecting me and go into the mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live within the mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to listen to my mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to avoid self forgiving me b'c then i can go and exist in the mind

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live as my mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want listen to my mind and make
hell for everyone.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist as the mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to think and think and think.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to trust my thoughts.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to trust my mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to trust my feelings.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist as my mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not stop my mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not listen to myself rather exist
within and as the mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist as the mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live as the mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to trust the mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist as the mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to allow thoughts emotions and
feelings to drive me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live as desires.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist as desires and fears.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be addicted to desires.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live as desires.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live as neediness.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist as neediness.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live as want and needs.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to crave for sex.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire and crave for sex.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to always put sex first.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give in to the mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give in to the desires of the mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give in to the emotional patterns within the mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give into thinking its emotions.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to trust my mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to avoiding forgiving me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear doing SF b'c then i have to live it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel comfortable being just the
mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to like been  just the mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy been the mind then i have no
responsibility. just think and feel all day.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live as robotic zombie in the few day even physically appearing like a emotional mophy kind of a sad dude.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live as sadness.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist as sadness.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live and exist as sadness.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist as sadness.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live as sadness and depression.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give into the mind of sadness.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to punish.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be spiteful.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to hurt and harm otehrs.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to abuse others not realising all shit i give to others is what i am doing to me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to abuse others.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to self abuse me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear doing self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to postpone self forgiveness and
fallback into the mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that today i gave into
the mind. listening to the mind is just shitty thing to do. b'c the mind will never give up, it will try to destroy. but i must stand up. i must walk . i must stop the patterns.

i am here.

Krishna is not the answer - Prabupadha (via the portal)

i was a cult follower of hare krishna, chanting singing and dancing to their music and believe systems. yet for 2-3 years no one could have ever convinced me that i was blinded by a cult. i submitted to religious music, chanting, food and cultural vibes to feel belonged. now i see, it was all about wanting to be belonged and accepted by some group. to feel some kind of a belonging. yet within the group there was so much animosity and spitefulness towards each other, so much group-isms within the groups. Gurus were like little gang leaders, with each got their own followings. its sad there people really looking for something yet end up in believing bullshit religious thoughts and followings. i went for the romance of indian spiritualism yet ended up finding nothing.

i am glad to see Prabupada coming thru the inter-dimensional portal and speak to us about some real shit. Krishna is not the answer, equality and oneness here is the answer. the physical here is the answer. the mind controlling maha mantra 'hare krishna hare krishna' is not the answer. chanting does nothing. instead, self forgive, become self honest, breath, be here, really, become self introspect, self write to freedom, do vlogging, get the shit out of the chest, and above all make a decision to stand as life make decision to never give into the thoughts/emotions and feelings. god is here as the physical, no need for bullshit religions and gods.

hereby i denounce hare krishna movement and the so-called the god Krishna himself. i denounce every fucking god there is in fact.

here is a link to the portal interview by Prabupadha.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J8y30zYuHIE

enjoy...

I fear men.

here is another ego crashing self-discovery of mine. i have fear of men. i fear men. i see this pattern while i am in relationships, when single it hibernates. yep it must be fear of men, i fear as if they are trying to 'take away' my woman, so i have learned to fear men.

this is so evident in my life currently. i mean i have gone out of my way to avoid maintaining my friendships with males so that i don't' have to be in a difficult situation with my wife around. generally speaking in the presence of other males, i go into a bit of fear, i guess i fear these other guys may get all the attention and not me. feeling of left out comes to me. i guess if women give more attention to other men and not to me, there will be a problem. i mean i just want to be the hero.

this is obviously a sick mind pattern to live as. this pattern also implies many other patterns. ownership of women, having a gf/wife means i own her. so she becomes 'my woman'. here clearly what i am looking at is other people and who/what they pay attention to.

but what is really my problem? my problem is i live in the mind world of concepts and ideas and definitions. suppose i am here just as the breath of life, no such concepts exist. i speak as needed, i breathe as needed, that's it, so no need to make groups, us vs. them. we are all here, equal and one as life. all i need is to breath here.

fear of men is really fear of myself, my own accepted and allowed bullshit within me, it is what i fear. why should i fear any man, any mighty man ? there must be something in him, that must exist within me. the world always show what is in me. and that is what i fear. may be i fear macho men, because i know i like to be/act as a macho man, so i can catch more women. so there you go, bring everything to self.  everything that i react to shows something about me. being a man i figure i have a divine right to seek sex from any potential woman i meet, it doesn't matter her status, i figure i have the right to try at least. so such hidden self definitions exist within me, so when i see other men, i fear they might have the same bullshit as me, or visa-visa,

so always the question what is that i am accepting and allowing within me? in relation to fear of men, surely, there are tons of self definitions i have allowed that is why i fear men, b'c such bullshit exist within me. time to self forgive and let go of them.

When I die, all my shit will die with me.

obsessed by a series of thoughts, the more i think the more they compound. so have to breath get into the physical, in all this self honesty is vital. otherwise i could be breathing just avoid the real issues here. i cannot avoid anything, breathing is not about avoiding anything, rather, been here, and facing all points here as me. everything is here as myself. i cannot run, i cannot avoid, i cannot escape, i cannot hide, i can't even die, because in the afterlife i will have to face myself.

so what is my point? i have tons of shit i am not facing within me. i am avoiding, clearly i am not willing to discuss them here either. so that is a point of self dishonesty. if this writing is self writing then why am i not discussing my hidden issues here? i feel bit of shame that i still carry shit within me. well that is the whole point, to undo inner shit piece by piece until nothing remains. either that or simply die with full of shit, then vanish anyways.

when i die of course, all my shit dies with me, nothing will be left here. as long as i live i can carry my shit within me, talk about them, hide them, react from them, make a big mountain out of them, all that drama, till i die. then, all is over.

Or in one breath, i can simply remain here, not allowing to be directed by my mind at all, simply be here. the mind will tell all kinds of stories and dramas, whereas the physical has no stories, only the mind got dramas, physical is simply here. the breath is simply here. mind is the breaker of things, the frag-mentor, while the physical is the defragmentor, like the old DOS defrag program, which reassembles fragmented physical memory into nice wholesome piece.

so what does it mean then? simply never allow to go into the mind. at every breath, just be here as the breath, within the principle that all things here are equal and one as life. every being here is equal and one as life. every plant animal here is equal one as life. understanding those principles just be here as the breath of life. i mean, if all here is life, then, why bother 'think' through a plan of defense? if all is life here, then why bother to be self protective ? if all is life here, then why bother to be selfish ?

clearly for the mind, not all things here are life, for the mind only the thoughts and feelings are life. As mind is regenerated with thoughts/emotions/feelings.

god, i want to try this, can i just for a day, live as breath, just for a day, or at least few hours, just as breath, not allowing single thought to be taken over. just for few hours, can i just be the breath of life? can i live as breath of life for just few hours? no thoughts, no thinking, for few hours. i want to prove to myself that i will not die by stopping my mind for few hours.

i am going to try this, just live as breath for few hours, will see how it goes. wonder what will happen to all my shit when i stop the mind/thinking for few hours. for sure, when i die my shit will die with me, so when i stop the mind, my shit will stop with it, until i start thinking again.

lets try that.