Stopping my mind with Self-Forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself with others to make me feel less.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to like feeling less than others. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to feel less than others so it can feed into my so called inferiority.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to like feeling less than others.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to like been self pity full. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to like been in the pit of self pity. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel comfortable in feeling less than others. rather than standing as equals, as LIFE here expressing, i have allowed myself to be a less than another. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that in been less others i am been the first. i am been the great one b'c i have so humbly placed myself below others. not realizing that is a religious fucked up morality based idea. i dont' have to feel less than anyone, i can simply be here as equal. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to realize that been equal to others is the greatest. no less no more. just equal.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that in been less than, i am actually desiring to be more than.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be more than others. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that i desire to be a super ego.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be a super ego.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to like and want to be a great ego.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want others to like me and worship me.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want others to talk greatly about me. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want others to admire and appreciate me.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire been liked by others.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire been worshiped by others.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire been loved by others.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire been admired and appreciated by others. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that i have not appreciated me, i have not embraced me, i have not been kind to me, i have not been accepting myself, rather wanting others to do those for me.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect and ignore myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have self-intimacy. there is no self awareness. i am like a blind man, blind about myself. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that i am always here, its wanting to run away from here causes all conflicts within me. so i remain here.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to run away from me into my mind of stories and dreams. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to escape into my mind's world.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that thoughts are not real.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the stories of my mind are not real. though i have accepted them as real stuff.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that if i am to make use of this life, this one life i have, i must first stop my mind, i must first stop my bullshit stories in the head. that is the first step.


So when and as I see myself getting lost in the drama of story making inside my head, i breathe, i stop, i become here, i remain as breath. b'c i realize that once i start to make stories, it has no end, i will end in fucked up town. so better i remain as breath, i breathe.  thoughts, and mind stories are not real. breath is real. so i breathe.  

Meeting of Destonians in Ottawa/Canada.

Tonight i met fellow destonians in ottawa/canada, it was very cool. we spoke with one voice. we shared views and our desteni experiences with one voice. this one voice was made possible thanks to the self forgiveness process each one has been walking for sometime. it is amazing to see how determined each person is in their commitment to self change and to change this world. i mean so much refreshing than speaking to so-called 'normal bunch of people'.

tonight each destonian is a witness that the desteni process is the solution to self change and world change. i am my own proof and each is their own proof, yet in coming together each becomes a point of support to others. while the desteni process is a solo process, the group support is ample and amazing. talking to any destonian is a refreshing experience. i mean there is no bullshit. even if there is some bullshit it is quickly made visible. yeah looking back i made few comments that are full of bullshit. and that is ok because self-introspection, self-reflection, self-forgiveness, self-correction is what i am walking until i undo my bullshit completely.

1000s may reject the mission of equality, but to meet just 1 person who stands for equality is a joy.  when you hear the voice of that one who is speaking for equality, you know, you're hearing the truth, the real stuff. so it was really cool a meeting. we are not same, but we are equal we are one.

tonight it become very clear to me: the mother of all problems in our world is lack of equality. every problem boils down to that. so when equality for all is here, there will be a new earth, a new heaven for all, us humans, animals, and nature.

I am glad i am walking this desteni process. and I am not alone.

How to Chase a Demon

I am here, today is Feb 2, 1011, my daily blogging continues.

Just listened to Bernard Poolman's recent vlog about his first encounter with a demon. And its fascinating, how Bernard asked the possessed person simply to repeat this self-forgiveness line:

"I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so angry with LIFE".

And the demon possessed person, very reluctantly tried to repeat after Bernard, but could not, eventually after much drama, the person was able to speak the self-forgiveness words out. In that every moment, Bernard says, whatever that thing was possessing left the person.

How fascinating and powerful this self-forgiveness tool is? It is just amazing, so tonight, I am repeating Bernard's suggested self-forgiveness line, as I am too a possessed entity as angry-demon has been visiting me a lot lately.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so angry with life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so hateful towards life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to be angry with others and in this i am been angry with life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to direct my anger towards life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to direct my anger towards this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to direct my anger towards my family.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with everyone and everything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with nature.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with animals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with things around the House.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with co workers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with friends.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with strangers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with parents.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with priests.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with the church.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with gods that does not exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with demons.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with angels and demons.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with nature and its climatic changes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with all that i can see and perceive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with the creators of this existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with desteni.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as anger

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as self anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live as anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to direct my anger towards anyone and anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my anger as valid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the anger of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify the anger of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with the political systems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with the money systems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with the banks.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with the capitalists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with world systems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with everything in fact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live and breathe in anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wake up in anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go to sleep in anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think angry thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak angry words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act in anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame in anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to shout in anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to scream in anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to demise others because i am angry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify the hate within me because i am angry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in self hate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate everything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate life in all forms and shapes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate god that does not exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate every one that i ever knew.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate strangers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate myself.

i am here. i stop the anger within me as me. i stop the hate within me as me.

i am here. i breathe.

Dealing with Jealousy

I am here. This one life, how am I living it is the question. Just existing as a robot programmed by society, fears, and media are bullshit. I cannot live as a robot. Obviously I am living as a robot, continuously giving into fears.

At the moment, one of the major patterns I give into is reacting when my wife speaks to other males. In other words, I go into jealousy as I see her communicate with other males. Obviously this reaction of mine is not fukcing cool, I mean WTF. Am I trying to control her life, how she live, how she talks, who she talks to etc. Goes without saying, I am living with a 200 years ago male’s mentality. I am basically telling her, listen: don’t talk to any other males, because I am the only one you should ever communicate, because obviously you are my property, i.e. my wife. So either obey my rule or leave. Either don’t’ make me jealous or just leave.

Strange. It is a shame with all the self-corrective tools and self-understandings, I am still living like a man from the 18th century, when it comes to possession of love. WTF. In this I am really sort of choking her ways of living, I am imprisoning her by denying her to have any male friends as she would like to. It is entirely up to her, whom she wants to communicate, and how she wants communicate etc. Of course, in her friendships with other males, if she indeed develop something more than a friendship then, obviously things will move on, a new direction for all of us. I mean, she is not going to live in a triangle, she will simply move on. So why the fuck do I unnecessarily entertain thoughts of suspicions and doubts about her as she communicates with other males? I am becoming a control freak, rather I have always been this control freak in relationships, always want to own the woman I am ‘in love’ with, not realizing in that I actually will end up killing the very love and the relationship. Because who wants to be with a male dominating control freak, packed with jealousy and possessiveness?

So this is a major drama going on in my life lately, I mean on/off this pattern shows up. I am never relaxed while I see her in communication with other males. This pattern of mine must be deleted, or else condemn myself to life long isolation and loneliness.
So how can I over this bullshit for once and for all? Certainly I must correct this bullhist otherwise it will haunt my whole life. Obviously first step is breath. Be the living breath here. Live as breath, because jealousy cannot exist within the breath, the pattern of jealousy cannot exist while I am here as breath. Mind is needed for jealousy to exist. Thoughts are needed for jealousy to exist. MCS is needed for jealousy to exist. Me here as the physical as the breath cannot possibly exist in and as jealousy. In fact breath is the only way to counter any mind pattern.

Breath is the boat to sail over any storm.

So clearly my commitment is first to live as breath, no matter what. As Bernard said many times, stay within the breath no matter what. I cannot control the self trust of another, I cannot control the self honesty of another. I cannot control the life principles of another. She talks, she talks, she goes, she goes. I am here as breath. It is her direction to decide ‘who she is’ within her reality. My question is, who am I and what will I accept and allow? Always, self first. I am the first point of correction, I am the first point of self-trust and self-honesty to focus on. Am I am trustworthy ? am I self honest ? can I be trusted with life, are the question I must answer ?
I forgive myself that I have I accepted and allowed myself to exist as thoughts feelings and emotions of jealousy.

I forgive myself that I have I accepted and allowed myself to trust my thoughts and feelings and then believe my jealousy to be real.

I forgive myself that I have I accepted and allowed myself to believe in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have I accepted and allowed myself to trust my mind when it says that I have all the reasons to be jealous.

I forgive myself that I have I accepted and allowed myself to mistrust others and use that as a cover up to cover my own self mistrust.

I forgive myself that I have I accepted and allowed myself to hide myself behinds another’s perceived manners of speak.

I forgive myself that I have I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I own my wife and that she cannot talk to any other males.

I forgive myself that I have I accepted and allowed myself to possess my wife as if she is my property.

I forgive myself that I have I accepted and allowed myself to be so possessive.

I forgive myself that I have I accepted and allowed myself to find all the right justifications to prove that my restrictions are valid. That I have the right to place restrictions for her.

I forgive myself that I have I accepted and allowed myself to think that I can tell her not have male friends in her reality.

I forgive myself that I have I accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I have and like females as my friends.

I forgive myself that I have I accepted and allowed myself to enjoy the females friends I have and yet deny my wife any male friends.

Clearly I am fearing my own bullshit. I am fearing my own self-deceit. I am living as a belief system for the sake of self interest and desire. WTF.
So the corrective solution is live as breath and not as any concepts. Never giving to the mind, no matter what. Never give up the breath, no matter what. I am here.
Till here no further, I will no longer accept and allow myself to follow thoughts of jealousy within me.

Till here no further, I will no longer accept and allow myself  to doubt others, Instead I focus on me.

Till here no further, I will no longer accept and allow myself to worry what another is doing behind my back, rather, I focus on my own self-honesty.

Till here no further, I will no longer accept and allow myself to worry about another trustworthiness, rather, I develop my own self-trust. I become trustworthy.

Till here no further, I will no longer accept and allow myself to be concerned about another mannerisms, rather, I focus on my own life principles. It is what I do, that matters.

It is what I stand for that matters.

It is my own self trust that matters.

I am here as breath. Every breath in fact.