Over the years i have developed a bit of an 'upset stomach', meaning there is a strong tendency show signs of an upset stomach. usually moderate attention to 'healthy' food intake can assist me. Anything in excessive intakes is asking for trouble. even if i eat too much green stuff, yes the next day i will be going out all greenish, and irregularity will show up. so really what i mean by an upset stomach is an 'irregular stomach', i don't mean one with pain etc. the technical term is IBS, irritable bowl syndrome. i refuse to use such terms to characterize my stomach. taking too much tea or coffee does some bad magic too. or eating too much meat, or greasy intakes are not suggested. too much spicy is not good, though i love spicy food. so there is always a price awaiting to be paid next day.
so on a day with upset stomach i really have to be careful. i am very irritable, easily can spark anger, very intolerant etc etc, all those nasty stuff come to surface with full force. all because of an upset stomach. very difficult to socialize, not very present, i am kind of in rush as if i want to avoid dealing with people etc i guess bit of depression sets in as well.
on such days, my worse pattern is easily getting angry. i mean any little thing can trigger an angry outburst. of course being rude and nasty for every little thing is not cool.
all this years i have blame it on my stomach as the culprit for my behavior. this has to stop. i have to take self-responsibility on such days especially to check my mind in place. too often, an upset stomach has lead to my angry outburst and rudeness.
here of course, the little brick, life is made out of, the breath, this breath, comes to aid. i must enter the physical as breath, and stay here. i cannot sort all my problems by thinking, specially not with a bad stomach. i will be better off, just simply stay within the breath and remain as the breath. in this way, even the so-called upset stomach i have can 'heal' itself. i mean who knows, may be my so-called upset stomach is refectling an upset mind to begin with. i would be wrong to stay that an upset stomach is causing my upset mind. which sounds very much like an excuse.
though for ages i believed it is my upset stomach that is upsetting my mind. have i ever considered the reverse possibility ? perhaps it is my upset mind that is causing my upset stomach. as all things are in reverse.
regardless, its time to live as the breath in every breath. time to enter the physical and remain as the physical as breath. i mean no point in battling out things in the mind. its an endless battle anyways. whereas staying as the breath, there is a chance to heal.
at least, i will not destroy relationships by hurting them with my unruly words and comments. all in the name of an upset stomach. no more. stomach may continue to show signs of IBS, still, i am the directive principle behind my mind. it is up-to me to speak what i want. so i am self responsible for what i say, how i say, when i say. i am my words. i cannot blame it on my stomach anymore.
i am here as the breath of life.
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