Why hanging onto old photos?

With FB, i am connecting with old friends and memories. seen photos from school days some 30 years back is very cool indeed. but the question is, why hang onto those memories, or such nostalgic feelings ? looking for familiarity? looking to reactive old memories? when i first made contact with my old school friends, i was very excited to reconnect and rechat with them, but soon after that, there was really nothing to talk about. you can only talk so much about old school days. with time, we have all grown up, 25-30 years is a long time.

if anything, old photos should remind us how quickly life passes away. i mean, 25-30 years are gone, some innocent looking kids back then are now pretty much grown up and looking rather old too. seen the passing of time via old photos is a moment for self-reflection.

what have i done with my life? in all that 25-30 years, what have i achieved? what have i contributed to this world ? nothing really, more of the same worries and anxieties. and then one fine day, passing of time will stop, no more breaths left. photography will end with one last photo of resting in the coffin.

many of my former school teachers and masters in the old photos are now dead, they were once the pillars of my world. the math teacher, the science teacher, the principal, you name it, they are all gone now. dead. just an old photo or two remains. thanks to FB, we get to walk that memory lane again, just for a moment.

looking at my life thru photos sucks. looking at life thru pictures and memories is rather sad actually. i would rather look at my life via what is here now. what have i contributed, what i have brought about for this world?

hence, i want equal money system to be here implemented, then i can see it here and feel good about it. equality for all is the real achievement to be happy about. ending the poverty for good is the real deal. at the end of my time, i like to see this world as is, and i want to be proud of that world i will be leaving behind.

i dont' need old photos to hang onto, to give me a sense of belonging or a feeling. the world here as-it-is, is the real evidence of what i will leave behind. and for that, i will be relentlessly speaking for world equality, for nothing else really matters.

My backchats must be written down.

backchatting continues. quick to blame, quick to find faults, quick to label, quick to judge, all that shit is backchatting. quick to attach value to an experience, quick to recall the fire from the memories are nothing but backchatts. another word for backchatting is monologues, dialouge inside the mind. you know the shit that goes inside the mind. it says it knows everything, it knows what even others think. 'i know' i know everything that is a backchat.

i want to really get down to business with my backchat, i want to catch the fucker on paper. well i am that fucker who is always thinking about some wicked plan about others. yes it is their fault, they did that to me, they said that to me, they are planning against me, of course, they are ganging up against me. gosh, wtf, the moment i think i am risking landing on a backchat. not acceptable. so i breathe, i am here. lets get the full details on backchat on paper.

gosh before i put my backchats into physical actions, i better stop this asap.

thats it for tonight.

www.equalmoney.org

Past is Tailgating

I am here, Today is Jan 28th, 2011. My daily blogging continues.

Past is always tailgating. I am looking at my past, I am looking at her past. I am looking at our past. In all this, I am trying to resurrect the past 'as a tool of revenge'. Indeed past is preciously for that reason, a tool to seek revenge and be spiteful.

Tonight, I reminded again, just live here in the breath of this moment, i mean where else to be ? To escape into the future is madness, to dwell in the past is insane. So, where can I safely be ? Here, now, within the body, within the breath. I see my mind is racing to the 'tomorrow'. I see tomorrow is going to be a tough day, and I already projecting it, I am already feeling the heat of tomorrow. Gosh, but my body is here, my breath is here. Its not fair, I am not giving my body nor my breath my attention. I am basically ignoring my breath and my body. This is self negligence and self abuse.

I am here. I do what must be done practically within the principle of equality and oneness, meaning, 'do unto others, what i like to be done unto me'. Very simple. Don't allow fucking emotions and feeling to rollover me. I am here as breath. I am here as the attention, the power of me.

When i give my attention to my thoughts, emotions and feeling, i am giving up my self power. My attention is my self power. So, i have to be very careful where i place my self attention. To follow my thoughts, emotions and feelings is stretching my attention, hence i am stressed, because my attention is stretched. I am here.

Here is where existence is. Yes I say that with knowledge, but I realise its simplicity.

So, tonight, I am sharing self-forgiveness to live here. No more tailgating of the past.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist and live within the past of my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as my past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live within my past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to recall the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to escape this breath and go to the
past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be in the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall back into past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to recall the past as a tool of revenge.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about the past as a tool of
revenge.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pull shit from the past as a tool of revenge.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as revenge of the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as revenge.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to love to bring the old shit out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to love to bring the old pain out and hammer them out. it is revenge.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to love to blame the beings here for their apparent bad past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for their past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for my past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel shame when i see my past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel abused when i recall my past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as an abused child thru the eyes of the past. in this give power to the so called abuse that was in the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give reality to the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give life to the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bring the past back into life here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want the past to be here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want the past to exist here so that i can feel the same shit of the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my attention to the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my attention to the memories
of the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to avoid the past because i am so ashamed of some past stuff.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be selective about my past memories. because some hidden past bring shame in me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel shameful about my abusive past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty for my abusive past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel shame and guilt for my 'difficult' past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel dirty and shame for my so called tough past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that some of past is horrible while other parts are beautiful.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry when i recall my past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be happy when i recall some parts of my past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have mix feeling about my past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have anger and happiness when i recall my past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be happy when i recall my past. because i want to believe that my past should be a beautiful thing. this is a believe
system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have believes about how and what i should be. and how my past should be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as shame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be shameful because i don't' have a great past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be revengeful because wrongs were done unto me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be self judgemental because i believe them to be right.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as bullshit belief systems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to conform myself to bullshit believe systems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to comply with bullshit believe systems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that correction of the past means, i must correct my present here. as i live here as my breath i self correct me and my past. all is corrected within me, as i live here as the breath of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that self correction here in this very breath, is the way to correct the past.

I remain here as the breath. I remain here as my human physical body.

No more past. Till here no further, I no longer need my past, I no longer need to exist within the past and future. i am here as breath of life.

I breathe.