I am here, Feb 12, 2011, my blogging continues.
Growing up in sri lanka, one of the worse memories is visiting public toilets when nature's call is unbearable. gosh, sometimes the awful smell is so bad, visiting a public toilet is like trying to commit suicide by the rotten perfume while taking a piss, and if your need is #2, only Jesus can save you.
Thanks to capitalism in downtown Colombo, some cleaners will charge a small fee for a bucket of water and reasonably well kept toilet, its still a visit to hell btw. today in ottawa i went to subway restaurant just wanting to use their restroom, the guy said, "sorry restrooms are for customers only". gosh fucking capitalism wont' even let you take a piss without making a buck out of you. such is the nature of things.
back to sri lanka, yes, public toilet systems are utter disgrace, its so bad, one i had to take a shit on top of somebody else's left overs. The accumulation effect, one's left over becomes another's nightmare.
All this goes to show, how fucked up this world is, even small thing like a taking a shit at a public facility is so messed up. Because nobody cares, and everyone is waiting for the other guy to clean up, so responsibility is a waiting game, i wait for you, while you wait for me. Not to mention the tons of red tape one has to go thru to get anything done for the good of public users. because of the all rich fuckers goto the 5 star hotels to wipe their asses, yep they will give you the water in a golden bucket to clean your ass. goto a public place, you will face hell without dying.
With Equal Life Party, responsibility is not a waiting game, we don't' wait for anyone, and responsibility is not selective, we identify the problem, we solve the problem. all problems are our problems.
Sanitation is a massive problem in the third world, i am speaking from personal experience, no stats are available on these matters, i mean who the fuck will go and collect stats on public toilet usage, capitalist might do that to make some money out of it.
And india is hell when it comes to public toilets, let me not goto that subject. One wonders' with all their apparent education and high class intellectuals and what not, still can't keep their public facilities clean. simple answer, no one has taken the responsibility, politicians are too busy making money, and everyone in between is doing the same, all trying to survive. who has the time nor the will to worry about public shit holes, its for the poor anyways.
With Equal Life Party, cleaning up and providing safe and healthy public facilities for every community, every town, every village is a top responsibility. This is not a joke, not a single party has addressed issues relating to public sanitation and facilities, of course why would they. They have better and more important things to do.
I am one vote for clean public facilities everywhere in the world, can't have heaven on earth with stinking toilets. I am one vote for cleaning up this world, every public facility will be maintained to highest standards, This is our responsibility.
Equal Life Party is about caring about every aspect on this planet,
Showing posts with label equal life party.. Show all posts
Showing posts with label equal life party.. Show all posts
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Must Die to Live.
I am here, Feb 8th, 2011, my daily blogging continues.
Gosh. There is only one way to happiness, it is to completely abandon the mind, meaning, never to exist as thoughts, emotions and feelings. Yep its a tall order, near impossible you may say, how on earth to live without any thoughts, emotions, and feelings. Long time ago, I discussed this point of living without thoughts, emotions, and feelings, then the response i got was, "to live in that void is not life", something like that. meaning, emptiness, silence that caused by the absence of thoughts emotions and feelings are to be avoided, it will make you a zombie. we are so programmed to believe that thoughts emotions and feelings what makes us worthy of life, and make us living human beings. Nope. thoughts emotions and feelings what makes us demons.
this argument can go on and on, should i think or not think, should i feel or not feel, should i entertain emotions or not ? bit like to be or not to be.
Very simple answer:
what if i die right now? here in this very moment, my heart stops and i breathe my last. what then? when the last breath arrives, i don't' have much choice, i cannot ask to be or not to be, fuck i am dead, how can a dead man ask any questions?
yes, this very moment, i am dead here, just dead. its over, i have just taken the last breath, i have breathed my last: what thought is there? what emotions are there? what feelings are there? yet i am here. even death hasn't ended me, i am still here. yet no thoughts, emotions, and feelings. just silence, just me, i am breathing however.
so, oh wait a second, i am here in my physical body still, not apparently dead, i am here. so can i live like as if i am dead? yes i am dead for all practical purposes of the mind. all thoughts, emotions, feelings have died, but i remain.
i am dead, i am dead, i am dead, my mind is dead, i am dead, i am here as breath. i am yet here, but i am dead, and i am here actually breathing. gosh, no thoughts, no emotions, no feelings. i am here, though dead but still here.
death will end all thoughts emotions and feelings. i am here equal and one to all here, because i am dead, i have no thoughts emotions and feelings. yet i remain, so i am equal and one to all.
thanks, i am still in the physical body, breathing,
This is the end result for us all anyways, so might as well die now to LIVE. I am dead but alive. i am dead, all is over, i am dead, the physical remain here, my breath is here, i am breathing, but i am dead, yes i am dead, just the breath, the actual breath, here, equal and one to all of physicality, but i am dead here. i breathe. just the breath of life, i am dead, my mind is dead, i am here as breath.
I must die to live, there is no other way to abandon the mind for good. i die here, so that i live. i am breathing but i am dead, i die here, so i breathe and i live.
Gosh. There is only one way to happiness, it is to completely abandon the mind, meaning, never to exist as thoughts, emotions and feelings. Yep its a tall order, near impossible you may say, how on earth to live without any thoughts, emotions, and feelings. Long time ago, I discussed this point of living without thoughts, emotions, and feelings, then the response i got was, "to live in that void is not life", something like that. meaning, emptiness, silence that caused by the absence of thoughts emotions and feelings are to be avoided, it will make you a zombie. we are so programmed to believe that thoughts emotions and feelings what makes us worthy of life, and make us living human beings. Nope. thoughts emotions and feelings what makes us demons.
this argument can go on and on, should i think or not think, should i feel or not feel, should i entertain emotions or not ? bit like to be or not to be.
Very simple answer:
what if i die right now? here in this very moment, my heart stops and i breathe my last. what then? when the last breath arrives, i don't' have much choice, i cannot ask to be or not to be, fuck i am dead, how can a dead man ask any questions?
yes, this very moment, i am dead here, just dead. its over, i have just taken the last breath, i have breathed my last: what thought is there? what emotions are there? what feelings are there? yet i am here. even death hasn't ended me, i am still here. yet no thoughts, emotions, and feelings. just silence, just me, i am breathing however.
so, oh wait a second, i am here in my physical body still, not apparently dead, i am here. so can i live like as if i am dead? yes i am dead for all practical purposes of the mind. all thoughts, emotions, feelings have died, but i remain.
i am dead, i am dead, i am dead, my mind is dead, i am dead, i am here as breath. i am yet here, but i am dead, and i am here actually breathing. gosh, no thoughts, no emotions, no feelings. i am here, though dead but still here.
death will end all thoughts emotions and feelings. i am here equal and one to all here, because i am dead, i have no thoughts emotions and feelings. yet i remain, so i am equal and one to all.
thanks, i am still in the physical body, breathing,
This is the end result for us all anyways, so might as well die now to LIVE. I am dead but alive. i am dead, all is over, i am dead, the physical remain here, my breath is here, i am breathing, but i am dead, yes i am dead, just the breath, the actual breath, here, equal and one to all of physicality, but i am dead here. i breathe. just the breath of life, i am dead, my mind is dead, i am here as breath.
I must die to live, there is no other way to abandon the mind for good. i die here, so that i live. i am breathing but i am dead, i die here, so i breathe and i live.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Equal Life Party is the solution to Egypt.
I am here. Feb 3, 2011, my daily blogging continues.
Bullshit rioting is continuing with full drama in Egypt, the land of the slaves and slave masters. Watching these emotionally fully charged people yelling and screaming to throw out their mad man Mubarak is a laughing matter. Really, even if they get the fucker out of his office after 30 years of rule, who are they going replace the man with ? ok, perhaps they may find a more democratic, more likable, more educated, more people friendly, more peace loving, more open market friendly person to replace the dictator.
But the question is, will the new person bring any real change to Egypt? That is the question, all those rioters cannot perceive now, as all they want is an emotional outlet to dump their anger out at the current leadership. All that screaming and yelling, for what use, I wonder.
Replacing one dictator with another, or replacing one bad President with a good one, or replacing one bad Prime Minister with a good one, or even replacing an old Queen with a young Prince, or even replacing a white man with a black man, or a man with a woman, I wonder, what real change the world has ever seen ? None whatsoever.
So many examples of change, but no real substance in any of those changes. Simply cosmetic changes only. Even replacing the most evil of leaders with acceptable men/women has brought no real change, only surface level cosmetic bullshit for the TV viewers to feel good about themselves in voting for those new leaders. Its all drama, made for TV and the money makes in the meanwhile cash it in.
In the meantime, a real solution for the world is slowly taking form and shape. This is the Equal Life Party and its unwavering life support systems. Equal Money System, Equal Labor System, Equal Housing System, Equal Education System, Equal Health-care System, and many other life supporting systems have been studied and discussed extensively as solutions to this planet in peril.
So, people of Egypt stop your bullshit riots, instead study what Equal Life Party is all about, if you really care about your Egypt, study what we have to say, make a long term commitment to bring about real change for your country, not just fucking screaming and yelling for few days.
Certainly, I don't give a fuck about Mubarak or his replacement, or a generation of Presidents to come, for they will all do the same shit, only in different style.
So here, I unconditionally caste my vote for Equal Life Party, for real change for a real world.
Join us, if you dare to care.
Bullshit rioting is continuing with full drama in Egypt, the land of the slaves and slave masters. Watching these emotionally fully charged people yelling and screaming to throw out their mad man Mubarak is a laughing matter. Really, even if they get the fucker out of his office after 30 years of rule, who are they going replace the man with ? ok, perhaps they may find a more democratic, more likable, more educated, more people friendly, more peace loving, more open market friendly person to replace the dictator.
But the question is, will the new person bring any real change to Egypt? That is the question, all those rioters cannot perceive now, as all they want is an emotional outlet to dump their anger out at the current leadership. All that screaming and yelling, for what use, I wonder.
Replacing one dictator with another, or replacing one bad President with a good one, or replacing one bad Prime Minister with a good one, or even replacing an old Queen with a young Prince, or even replacing a white man with a black man, or a man with a woman, I wonder, what real change the world has ever seen ? None whatsoever.
So many examples of change, but no real substance in any of those changes. Simply cosmetic changes only. Even replacing the most evil of leaders with acceptable men/women has brought no real change, only surface level cosmetic bullshit for the TV viewers to feel good about themselves in voting for those new leaders. Its all drama, made for TV and the money makes in the meanwhile cash it in.
In the meantime, a real solution for the world is slowly taking form and shape. This is the Equal Life Party and its unwavering life support systems. Equal Money System, Equal Labor System, Equal Housing System, Equal Education System, Equal Health-care System, and many other life supporting systems have been studied and discussed extensively as solutions to this planet in peril.
So, people of Egypt stop your bullshit riots, instead study what Equal Life Party is all about, if you really care about your Egypt, study what we have to say, make a long term commitment to bring about real change for your country, not just fucking screaming and yelling for few days.
Certainly, I don't give a fuck about Mubarak or his replacement, or a generation of Presidents to come, for they will all do the same shit, only in different style.
So here, I unconditionally caste my vote for Equal Life Party, for real change for a real world.
Join us, if you dare to care.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
What can 1000 Destonians do ?
I am here, today is Jan 27th Thursday, my daily blogging continues.
Can I/we change this world ?
Yes indeed. There is no doubt about it, however, it requires a sustain efforts and dedication to educate many humans about what Equal Life is all about.
To start with, my self commitment to my process is the key to change this world. If i fail, i cannot expect this world to change, as i am the agent of change. I cannot fall, as my fall is not just about my fall anymore, with it the world change itself may be on hold. Hence, my commitment to my process is paramount.
As above so below, as inner so is outter, meaning as my process is ongoing, i cannot wait till i hit the holy grail to start changing the world, no that would be simply pay back to the world, not one and equal. The kind of change, desteni speaks of is, twin change, but at the same time, its one and the same. Equal and One.
I change, the world changes with me. my world changes with me.
Yes, there are practical and sustainable efforts are required both for self and for the world at large. For myself, daily blogging, daily vlogging, daily self forgiveness, and self honesty is the way.
As for the world change, spreading the blogs, vlogs, the message of equality with all is the key for next 10 years or so. The internet and online world is getting crowed everyday, millions and millions are online, so its a perfect place for message of equality to be shared with. So, things like sub4sub, blogs, vlogs, tags, in increasing numbers will make the difference.
Currently, about 100 or so destonians are going full speed at this, both changing themselves and the world concurrently. equal and one. This number must grow from 100 to 1000 very soon, i mean within the next 2-3, for this, a dedicated sharing of desteni message will be needed. The desteni-i-process is key in bringing many new faces.
With 1000 or more destonians, powerful winds of change will blow across our world systems, it will be a time like no other, The collective noise of the 1000 destonians will be heard everywhere, hence many will get a chance to join this process, and yes many will confront, but that is no issue.
In time, with the principle of one man for one vote, the Equal Life Party will enter the political process of the world. A dominant force of change will open the eyes of many, will open the ears of many, to hear the message of equality of all life. Votes will start to come in, one by one, Equal Life Party as a mainstream choice for real change, will establish itself in every country, and then in time, will rewrite the laws of every country to bring a practical heaven earth.
Children who will be born into the Equal Money System, and Equal Labor Systems, will be shocked to study about our struggles today. In the antics of digital archives, some of our blogs may survive to tell about times of fear, anxiety, anger, hate, worry, competition, economy, capitalism, money, and all other evils of our times today.
A heaven on earth is indeed possible, yes it is practical, pragmatic, and sustainable. So I am one vote for world equality.
One by one, we will soon become 1000 destonians, we will be very noisy.
Can I/we change this world ?
Yes indeed. There is no doubt about it, however, it requires a sustain efforts and dedication to educate many humans about what Equal Life is all about.
To start with, my self commitment to my process is the key to change this world. If i fail, i cannot expect this world to change, as i am the agent of change. I cannot fall, as my fall is not just about my fall anymore, with it the world change itself may be on hold. Hence, my commitment to my process is paramount.
As above so below, as inner so is outter, meaning as my process is ongoing, i cannot wait till i hit the holy grail to start changing the world, no that would be simply pay back to the world, not one and equal. The kind of change, desteni speaks of is, twin change, but at the same time, its one and the same. Equal and One.
I change, the world changes with me. my world changes with me.
Yes, there are practical and sustainable efforts are required both for self and for the world at large. For myself, daily blogging, daily vlogging, daily self forgiveness, and self honesty is the way.
As for the world change, spreading the blogs, vlogs, the message of equality with all is the key for next 10 years or so. The internet and online world is getting crowed everyday, millions and millions are online, so its a perfect place for message of equality to be shared with. So, things like sub4sub, blogs, vlogs, tags, in increasing numbers will make the difference.
Currently, about 100 or so destonians are going full speed at this, both changing themselves and the world concurrently. equal and one. This number must grow from 100 to 1000 very soon, i mean within the next 2-3, for this, a dedicated sharing of desteni message will be needed. The desteni-i-process is key in bringing many new faces.
With 1000 or more destonians, powerful winds of change will blow across our world systems, it will be a time like no other, The collective noise of the 1000 destonians will be heard everywhere, hence many will get a chance to join this process, and yes many will confront, but that is no issue.
In time, with the principle of one man for one vote, the Equal Life Party will enter the political process of the world. A dominant force of change will open the eyes of many, will open the ears of many, to hear the message of equality of all life. Votes will start to come in, one by one, Equal Life Party as a mainstream choice for real change, will establish itself in every country, and then in time, will rewrite the laws of every country to bring a practical heaven earth.
Children who will be born into the Equal Money System, and Equal Labor Systems, will be shocked to study about our struggles today. In the antics of digital archives, some of our blogs may survive to tell about times of fear, anxiety, anger, hate, worry, competition, economy, capitalism, money, and all other evils of our times today.
A heaven on earth is indeed possible, yes it is practical, pragmatic, and sustainable. So I am one vote for world equality.
One by one, we will soon become 1000 destonians, we will be very noisy.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Hell is One Breath Away
Since around 3pm today, i have been feeling kind of low and down. Meaning, a slight version of depression, and self pity has taken me over. This energy possession is nothing unusual to me, its a very familiar takeover that happens every now and then, I have no idea why. When I enter this state of mind, its only a matter of minutes before I pick on something with someone. In the past, it was mostly my parents or brothers, I will never hesitate to lash out at them, for any trivial thing, it doesn't matter, once I enter "that energetic mode", all bets are off, fasten your seat belts, hell is just one breath away. It could happen anytime.
Living with my wife, things are bit different, i cannot just lash out, she is a tough gal, will not put up with my mode swings. I never had any live-together love-relationships before, so this is the first time I am actually living with a woman, ever since I left my parent's home back in 1989 i always either lived alone or had male roommates. In terms of lovers, I never entered any living together agreements. It was just easy to have my own place and visit the girl friend every now and then. I mean why take all that trouble of living together. I am now married for 2 years, out that only about last 6 months period I am actually living together. So i am rather inexperienced when it comes to cohabitation. Most of our wars get trigged when I enter "that energetic mode", as I become so needy and demanding her attention, naturally it turns her off big time. The principle of what you resist persist, I experience first hand. The more I demand her attention, guess what, less I get, then i get even more nasty. When I am all in a normal mode, there is hardly any problems.
I struggled with "that energetic mode' for all my life, ever since i was child. I cannot describe what it is, it just takes over me, an energetic, emotional moody body, as if I am possessed, a compete take over. Only after inflicting a good doze of nasty words and pain to others, does "that" state cools itself down a bit. The more i pound better I feel. I become normal and gentle, i offer many words of apologies and sweet offers to make things up. I am out of words to describe "that" state, so let me borrow a new age term called "painbody", meaning, old emotional shit, which gets activated, a complete takeover happens. Resonant possession, a demonic possession.
So, today, i went through this all too familiar drama, thank god, nothing dramatic happened, i just obnoxiously raised my voice, sort of a mean nasty way, but held my words back, didn't voice them. I mean i have no idea how or what is this shitty emotional takeover that happens to me. Since desteni, i have become much "tolerable", meaning i am less mean and less nasty. I just wish someday this bloody moody takeover will stop. i mean WTF, its so tiring and lonely to crush people so often.
Strangely enough, this very 'problem' made me very isolated person hence I became a seeker, always looking for some solution to assist me, of course most of the time i landed with this spiritual group or that, but "that" core problem never end or decreased. Only with desteni, i have the tools, and significant progress i have made in taming this emotional painbody beast within me.
End of the day, I realize whatever i experience, i am self responsible for. Simply because, had i stayed continuously and constantly within my breath, i could over come the power of "that". But obviously, i give into my mind, which takes me for ride to 'fuckup' town. so the solution is amazingly simply, stay within the breath through any storm, and when i miss that simple principle, of course, hell is just one breath away.
Will I ever change? will i ever stop this emotional bullshit painbody within me? of course, i cannot just "stop" it, as it has its own momentum of 42 years of build up. But i have the most amazing power and responsibility to stay within the breath, for which there is no excuse.
I forgive myself I have I accepted and allowed myself to think that i am helpless when I am taken over by that state of mind.
I forgive myself I have I accepted and allowed myself to think that i must go thru "that" every now and then, simply because it is something i am so familiar with.
I forgive myself I have I accepted and allowed myself to give in to my mind.
I forgive myself I have I accepted and allowed myself to not realise that i am addicted to regenerating my mind's ego. i love my ego.
I forgive myself I have I accepted and allowed myself to love my ego. therefore i love to feed it with mind energy. in the forms of fight and debates and accusations.
I forgive myself I have I accepted and allowed myself to love blaming because in blaming i feed my ego.
I forgive myself I have I accepted and allowed myself to love to get an energetic feed session in the form of spiteful anger and hate.
I forgive myself I have I accepted and allowed myself to love to be angry.
I forgive myself I have I accepted and allowed myself to demand attention from others, otherwise i will be nasty. i love to be nasty.
I forgive myself I have I accepted and allowed myself to not realize that i love to be nasty.
I forgive myself I have I accepted and allowed myself to not realise that i love to be mean.
I forgive myself I have I accepted and allowed myself to not realise that i love to blame others.
I forgive myself I have I accepted and allowed myself to not realise that in blaming i avoid my self responsibility.
I forgive myself I have I accepted and allowed myself to avoid facing me so instead i am always looking to pound at others.
I forgive myself I have I accepted and allowed myself to define me as a moody person.
I forgive myself I have I accepted and allowed myself to believe that i am condemn to a life time of moodiness. not realising within one single breath i can be free myself from this madness.
I forgive myself I have I accepted and allowed myself to like to be ,mad and angry. its so easy to live such life. living as breath is tough.
I forgive myself I have I accepted and allowed myself to define living as breath as tough. therefore i have already given me the permission to live as the mind. so naturally i have already accepted and allowed myself to be my mind and ego.
I forgive myself I have I accepted and allowed myself to love my ego.
I forgive myself I have I accepted and allowed myself to love to have a fight because in that i feed my mind and its ego.
i am here. breath is my solution. in every breath i am here as the physical.
there is no other solution, i am here as breath. EVERY breath, i must be here, not just few breath now and some breaths later. no. that is not acceptable.
Because, for me, hell is just one breath away. So it matters absolutely that I live as my breath here in the physical in every breath. Otherwise my wife will show me what i have accepted and allowed, she will not put with my moodiness, Self responsibility for every breath is the point i am facing.
There are no excuses, every breath I must be here.
Living with my wife, things are bit different, i cannot just lash out, she is a tough gal, will not put up with my mode swings. I never had any live-together love-relationships before, so this is the first time I am actually living with a woman, ever since I left my parent's home back in 1989 i always either lived alone or had male roommates. In terms of lovers, I never entered any living together agreements. It was just easy to have my own place and visit the girl friend every now and then. I mean why take all that trouble of living together. I am now married for 2 years, out that only about last 6 months period I am actually living together. So i am rather inexperienced when it comes to cohabitation. Most of our wars get trigged when I enter "that energetic mode", as I become so needy and demanding her attention, naturally it turns her off big time. The principle of what you resist persist, I experience first hand. The more I demand her attention, guess what, less I get, then i get even more nasty. When I am all in a normal mode, there is hardly any problems.
I struggled with "that energetic mode' for all my life, ever since i was child. I cannot describe what it is, it just takes over me, an energetic, emotional moody body, as if I am possessed, a compete take over. Only after inflicting a good doze of nasty words and pain to others, does "that" state cools itself down a bit. The more i pound better I feel. I become normal and gentle, i offer many words of apologies and sweet offers to make things up. I am out of words to describe "that" state, so let me borrow a new age term called "painbody", meaning, old emotional shit, which gets activated, a complete takeover happens. Resonant possession, a demonic possession.
So, today, i went through this all too familiar drama, thank god, nothing dramatic happened, i just obnoxiously raised my voice, sort of a mean nasty way, but held my words back, didn't voice them. I mean i have no idea how or what is this shitty emotional takeover that happens to me. Since desteni, i have become much "tolerable", meaning i am less mean and less nasty. I just wish someday this bloody moody takeover will stop. i mean WTF, its so tiring and lonely to crush people so often.
Strangely enough, this very 'problem' made me very isolated person hence I became a seeker, always looking for some solution to assist me, of course most of the time i landed with this spiritual group or that, but "that" core problem never end or decreased. Only with desteni, i have the tools, and significant progress i have made in taming this emotional painbody beast within me.
End of the day, I realize whatever i experience, i am self responsible for. Simply because, had i stayed continuously and constantly within my breath, i could over come the power of "that". But obviously, i give into my mind, which takes me for ride to 'fuckup' town. so the solution is amazingly simply, stay within the breath through any storm, and when i miss that simple principle, of course, hell is just one breath away.
Will I ever change? will i ever stop this emotional bullshit painbody within me? of course, i cannot just "stop" it, as it has its own momentum of 42 years of build up. But i have the most amazing power and responsibility to stay within the breath, for which there is no excuse.
I forgive myself I have I accepted and allowed myself to think that i am helpless when I am taken over by that state of mind.
I forgive myself I have I accepted and allowed myself to think that i must go thru "that" every now and then, simply because it is something i am so familiar with.
I forgive myself I have I accepted and allowed myself to give in to my mind.
I forgive myself I have I accepted and allowed myself to not realise that i am addicted to regenerating my mind's ego. i love my ego.
I forgive myself I have I accepted and allowed myself to love my ego. therefore i love to feed it with mind energy. in the forms of fight and debates and accusations.
I forgive myself I have I accepted and allowed myself to love blaming because in blaming i feed my ego.
I forgive myself I have I accepted and allowed myself to love to get an energetic feed session in the form of spiteful anger and hate.
I forgive myself I have I accepted and allowed myself to love to be angry.
I forgive myself I have I accepted and allowed myself to demand attention from others, otherwise i will be nasty. i love to be nasty.
I forgive myself I have I accepted and allowed myself to not realize that i love to be nasty.
I forgive myself I have I accepted and allowed myself to not realise that i love to be mean.
I forgive myself I have I accepted and allowed myself to not realise that i love to blame others.
I forgive myself I have I accepted and allowed myself to not realise that in blaming i avoid my self responsibility.
I forgive myself I have I accepted and allowed myself to avoid facing me so instead i am always looking to pound at others.
I forgive myself I have I accepted and allowed myself to define me as a moody person.
I forgive myself I have I accepted and allowed myself to believe that i am condemn to a life time of moodiness. not realising within one single breath i can be free myself from this madness.
I forgive myself I have I accepted and allowed myself to like to be ,mad and angry. its so easy to live such life. living as breath is tough.
I forgive myself I have I accepted and allowed myself to define living as breath as tough. therefore i have already given me the permission to live as the mind. so naturally i have already accepted and allowed myself to be my mind and ego.
I forgive myself I have I accepted and allowed myself to love my ego.
I forgive myself I have I accepted and allowed myself to love to have a fight because in that i feed my mind and its ego.
i am here. breath is my solution. in every breath i am here as the physical.
there is no other solution, i am here as breath. EVERY breath, i must be here, not just few breath now and some breaths later. no. that is not acceptable.
Because, for me, hell is just one breath away. So it matters absolutely that I live as my breath here in the physical in every breath. Otherwise my wife will show me what i have accepted and allowed, she will not put with my moodiness, Self responsibility for every breath is the point i am facing.
There are no excuses, every breath I must be here.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Status Meetings
I am here. Today is Monday Jan 17th 2011, my daily blogging continues.
I attended a weekly status meeting today, with 20 other co workers. Very fascinating experience, what happens and what really goes on within in the board rooms of capitalistic building blocks. Yes boardrooms are the building blocks of capitalism, where decisions are made and executed. Profits are promised, people are hired and fired, within all that the element of care is never considered.
But who is really this capitalist? Anyone who participate in this money system is a capitalist. so naturally, i am a capitalist, in fact everyone in this world is actually a capitalist. nobody can escape capitalism. Within the meeting rooms, we simply get to see an inner point of view of capitalism.
As the status meeting got started, i can feel a strong sense of fear got into me. As i have not made much progress in the last past week, so i was apprehensive about facing the meeting. i was sitting about half way around the circle of workers. I couldn't accomplish much in the previous week, yes i had some logistic challengers, some technical difficulties etc. But more than that, i gave into fears of not been able finish the job. I entertain thoughts of not finishing the assignment, i perceived myself giving up on the job. And they do compound, each such thought of giving up compounds. My compounding moment was in the meeting, when my turn came up, i was overtaken by energy of self-doubt and self-fears. I can hear myself giving bullshit excuses one after another, as to why my progress is still lacking etc.
Granted, i could have simply focused on my job, made a list of things to achieve, and get it done one by one. I mean, had i remained here as the living breath, here, i could have accomplished much within the last week. I had lost the breath many times, found it difficult focusing on my breathing, so naturally couldn't pay much attention to work details, hence, i didn't have much progress to show. so an immediate consequence was, i was made the 'owner' meaning, i was given full responsibility for the feature i am working on. so any questions, concern from anyone within the organization will be directed towards me. wow, that is a big role. now i have to really take charge, and take ownership of the assignment, and deliver it. Be accountable and responsible for the work i am hired to do. I tend to just like writing the software but not so responsible for making it available for the eventual users of it. i leave it once the design and development is done. meaning, i leave it half baked. i just do the fun part, and leave the not so fun part to others, or i simply don't bother about it, until a consequence is forced upon me.
So as each one present his/her status, you get to see the real solders of capitalism at work. each is trying to survive, pay their rent, mortgages, car payments, so for all those bills, we simply totally give into the demands of capitalistic culture. But do we have a choice ? None whatsoever. Either die or surrender to work culture, to capitalistic culture. Status meetings are fun sites to see how humans are really a bunch of slaves to this economic model we have.
while my self-application is improving thanks to the demands of work. there is no other way, i have to learn to live breath by breath and apply myself to whatever i do. be at work or home, i live as breath by breath. so self application is important everywhere. so thanks to the lovely capitalistic culture, i get to self apply all the desteni tool even more vigorously. i have no choice.
Then, i imagine how it would be to work without ever having to worry about been fired, or lacking money etc. The driving current is money, as fear of poverty, fear of not having money, is what really driving us humans. At team meetings, this fear shows up really nicely. As capitalists keep pushing on us workers, we just do it all for the money.
Money is the god, who decide who will live and who will die. The energetic possession i felt at work today was really due to the hidden fears of losing my income. i mean, wtf, do i really care of employment? i love to write software, but i sure don't need the stress of deadlines and whatnot. But i have no choice, i need the money to live, so i have to find the most effective way to get the job done. Again, self application of breath as living here, in the physical is the key. Live here as the breath, focus here, not in the thoughts, just here as the breath, will get any job done. I need to survive within this money system.
At status meetings, i am getting closer and closer to Equal Money System, and Equal Labor System, as i am convinced without a single doubt, how mad and crazy is the capitalistic work cultures and their systems are. I mean, this mad race is only creating stress to the point of death and destruction. I am unconditionally a one vote for equal pay, equal money and equal labor, Yes, i need to learn to be more responsible at work, capitalism is no excuse not to finish an assignment on time. Capitalist or not, i must work/live within breath by breath to finish what is at hand. No excuses there.
But this fucking capitalism and its curse must end. the fear of not getting a job done must end, let work be a self expression, let plannings and deadlines be common sense and practical, not life sucking mindless lines where life and death is decided by money. Yes, deadlines are need to finished things on time, but how deadly should the deadline be? for the capitalistic system, deadline means, you die while the rich live sucking your blood. very funny.
So, my focus must improve, living within the breath must improve, my self application of breath must improve, more and more, i must just live here, as i improve in self discipline. so that i will be here, not inside my head. thanks to the demands of capitalism, i am forced to become self disciple, to be here in the physical/breath more and more.
There is no doubt, capitalism must end, the curse of capitalism must end. Status meetings should be where we simply discuss how to accomplish something, how to finish something, how to find creative solutions, etc etc, Status meetings are not session for the human body to experience intense tension and stress, due to fear of losing that income. the fucking pay check. of course, who will i be without an income in this reality? a dead man walking in fact. As there are no systems to care, to support anyone.
Equal Money will sort that out. Equal money, Equal Labor will make 'working' an awesome experience, as it would be self expression. I for one, will love writing code, without the fear of losing it all. I know I will benefit from Equal Money. My entire approach to work will change.
Within Equal Labor and Equal Money Systems, I will enjoy status meetings at work.
I attended a weekly status meeting today, with 20 other co workers. Very fascinating experience, what happens and what really goes on within in the board rooms of capitalistic building blocks. Yes boardrooms are the building blocks of capitalism, where decisions are made and executed. Profits are promised, people are hired and fired, within all that the element of care is never considered.
But who is really this capitalist? Anyone who participate in this money system is a capitalist. so naturally, i am a capitalist, in fact everyone in this world is actually a capitalist. nobody can escape capitalism. Within the meeting rooms, we simply get to see an inner point of view of capitalism.
As the status meeting got started, i can feel a strong sense of fear got into me. As i have not made much progress in the last past week, so i was apprehensive about facing the meeting. i was sitting about half way around the circle of workers. I couldn't accomplish much in the previous week, yes i had some logistic challengers, some technical difficulties etc. But more than that, i gave into fears of not been able finish the job. I entertain thoughts of not finishing the assignment, i perceived myself giving up on the job. And they do compound, each such thought of giving up compounds. My compounding moment was in the meeting, when my turn came up, i was overtaken by energy of self-doubt and self-fears. I can hear myself giving bullshit excuses one after another, as to why my progress is still lacking etc.
Granted, i could have simply focused on my job, made a list of things to achieve, and get it done one by one. I mean, had i remained here as the living breath, here, i could have accomplished much within the last week. I had lost the breath many times, found it difficult focusing on my breathing, so naturally couldn't pay much attention to work details, hence, i didn't have much progress to show. so an immediate consequence was, i was made the 'owner' meaning, i was given full responsibility for the feature i am working on. so any questions, concern from anyone within the organization will be directed towards me. wow, that is a big role. now i have to really take charge, and take ownership of the assignment, and deliver it. Be accountable and responsible for the work i am hired to do. I tend to just like writing the software but not so responsible for making it available for the eventual users of it. i leave it once the design and development is done. meaning, i leave it half baked. i just do the fun part, and leave the not so fun part to others, or i simply don't bother about it, until a consequence is forced upon me.
So as each one present his/her status, you get to see the real solders of capitalism at work. each is trying to survive, pay their rent, mortgages, car payments, so for all those bills, we simply totally give into the demands of capitalistic culture. But do we have a choice ? None whatsoever. Either die or surrender to work culture, to capitalistic culture. Status meetings are fun sites to see how humans are really a bunch of slaves to this economic model we have.
while my self-application is improving thanks to the demands of work. there is no other way, i have to learn to live breath by breath and apply myself to whatever i do. be at work or home, i live as breath by breath. so self application is important everywhere. so thanks to the lovely capitalistic culture, i get to self apply all the desteni tool even more vigorously. i have no choice.
Then, i imagine how it would be to work without ever having to worry about been fired, or lacking money etc. The driving current is money, as fear of poverty, fear of not having money, is what really driving us humans. At team meetings, this fear shows up really nicely. As capitalists keep pushing on us workers, we just do it all for the money.
Money is the god, who decide who will live and who will die. The energetic possession i felt at work today was really due to the hidden fears of losing my income. i mean, wtf, do i really care of employment? i love to write software, but i sure don't need the stress of deadlines and whatnot. But i have no choice, i need the money to live, so i have to find the most effective way to get the job done. Again, self application of breath as living here, in the physical is the key. Live here as the breath, focus here, not in the thoughts, just here as the breath, will get any job done. I need to survive within this money system.
At status meetings, i am getting closer and closer to Equal Money System, and Equal Labor System, as i am convinced without a single doubt, how mad and crazy is the capitalistic work cultures and their systems are. I mean, this mad race is only creating stress to the point of death and destruction. I am unconditionally a one vote for equal pay, equal money and equal labor, Yes, i need to learn to be more responsible at work, capitalism is no excuse not to finish an assignment on time. Capitalist or not, i must work/live within breath by breath to finish what is at hand. No excuses there.
But this fucking capitalism and its curse must end. the fear of not getting a job done must end, let work be a self expression, let plannings and deadlines be common sense and practical, not life sucking mindless lines where life and death is decided by money. Yes, deadlines are need to finished things on time, but how deadly should the deadline be? for the capitalistic system, deadline means, you die while the rich live sucking your blood. very funny.
So, my focus must improve, living within the breath must improve, my self application of breath must improve, more and more, i must just live here, as i improve in self discipline. so that i will be here, not inside my head. thanks to the demands of capitalism, i am forced to become self disciple, to be here in the physical/breath more and more.
There is no doubt, capitalism must end, the curse of capitalism must end. Status meetings should be where we simply discuss how to accomplish something, how to finish something, how to find creative solutions, etc etc, Status meetings are not session for the human body to experience intense tension and stress, due to fear of losing that income. the fucking pay check. of course, who will i be without an income in this reality? a dead man walking in fact. As there are no systems to care, to support anyone.
Equal Money will sort that out. Equal money, Equal Labor will make 'working' an awesome experience, as it would be self expression. I for one, will love writing code, without the fear of losing it all. I know I will benefit from Equal Money. My entire approach to work will change.
Within Equal Labor and Equal Money Systems, I will enjoy status meetings at work.
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