Self-writing daily checks the ego.

There you go again, facing the same point of 'no topic to write tonight'. I know for sure its an excuse of the mind to keep stuck within my thinking mind, so I just have to run with the pen and get some writing done.


What happens when i dont' write? well, easy, i go into thinking and thinking, the cans of worms, we call thinking, emotions, and feeling start to come out, the ego loves it, as i think the ego gets its juice, the mind conscious system gets a boost. so really the price of not writing is allowing and accepting the mind , the ego to get stronger and stronger. whereas writing, daily writing that is, a check on ego at least for the duration of the writing. here as i write there is no real thinking going on, or feelings any bullshit, i am simply writing this out. checking my ego, via self writing.


At times i ask the question, does this self writing actually works? is it working for me, am i really making the expected progress via self writing ? one thing for sure, there is lot more 'flow' in my writing nowadays, i am more comfortable in expressing myself via writing. Not sure if common sense itself has 'grown', that i will know in time, it cannot be measured or proved. i will just know my self writing is 'working' or not, in time. but i must write everyday nevertheless.


Wanting to be a great 'writer' is another trap to be watch out for. i have that desire hidden somewhere, i like my self writing to be glorious and well sought after, all for what? fame. viola, the ego has return via a backdoor, here i am self writing myself to cut the ego, but in doing so desiring fame and fortune, allowing a return for the ego.


So i have to be clear within me, my starting point, as to what is the purpose of my self writing here? let me declare it for once and for all. i write here to share my process, to share my life, to share whats going on in my life, and in this world, pretty much that's about it. Surely, i don't provide any sort of advice or counselling via my self writing, as self writing is about self. however, should any readers need counselling or tips, there is the website: www.desteni.co.za where you will get all the assistance you will ever need in your life. Start your process, get involved, start your self writing, self-forgive, become self honest, and join the global movement of equal money system.


I am breathing, here physical, taking a real breath, fully, just to establish that i am here indeed. Another breath, likewise apparently life goes on breath by breath. At desteni we say, live your life breath by breath. here. be here. take each breath, feel it, breathe it, dont' miss it, we say each breath is a new start, as there is no past. all the so called past belongs to breaths of the past, not to this breath. hence to live in the moment here implies not carrying any memories of the past breaths into this breath. just breathe for this moment, surely i cannot breathe for future or past points.


Not that easy to live breath by breath, the mind quickly jumps to elsewhere. As if some urgent thing to attend. Some worry to think about, some person to call, an email to write or even eat some food, have some sex, or masturbate, so many quick little things to do when living breath by breaths. Mind or ego will find so many little things to distract me. Now this mind or ego is me too. i am that. the mind or the ego is not separate from me. i am the point that allows jumping around. there is no external force that tells me to masturbate while self writing, or breathing this very breath. Or there is no external entity that tells me some nasty shit about my wife while i self write, its me who has allowed and accepted such shit to exist within me.


But so desperately want to escape to the mind, to start thinking about tomorrow, god its TGIF, thank god its Friday, so can think about it now.  Now living breath by breath doesn't mean not thinking, it simply means to breathe each breath, not to miss any.


For sure, all kinds of shit comes up when stay here as breath by breath, that is precisely where self forgiveness comes handy, take each shit point that comes up and apply self forgiveness for it. things that comes tell me what i am hiding or suppressing some inside me. the more i stay in this breath, the more stronger the shit get thrown up. good, more to release, more self forgiveness to come. remember this is a process of few years, 7 or more.


So self writing is like breathing breath by breath. Dont' write to get famous or make a fortune, just write to cut the crap of ego down. And not writing daily, puts me back to ego land very quickly.

Steve Jobs is iDead, now will he consider Equal Money System?

First, on the passing of Mr. Steve Jobs, I wish to express my deepest condolences to his family and friends. Death is never easy, specially losing a parent, a dad, a husband, a friend, a co-worker, death always touches those who are left behind. Being an exceptional person of innovation and leadership, Steve had captured the hearts of many millions, hence we see an out pouring of sadness in the internet today.


Having co founded Apple Inc, Steve went on to lead the company through amazing series of successes, estimated wealth of the company today is nearly 70B$ or more. One product after another, innovation was the name of their game, slick in design, smart in usability and application, Apple innovation has captured many of us technical and non technical users. Have to admire the leadership and innovative spirit of Steve Jobs.


Its never a good idea to criticise the dead, its time to mourn and send him off. But I would like to bring a few points in relation to his billions and Capitalism, while avoiding any critic of Steve himself.


All his billions, all gone, he will never take a penny with him. He will go in empty hands. Isn't that amazing, even with billions, one has to go with empty hands. Yet while he was alive, all he was concerned about was making more money and profits, even knowing very well he will have to leave all that behind. He reached to the top, there is nothing above he could have reached, founder, innovator, CEO of a top selling company, genius leader of technology, what else would you want to be in that area of innovation and technology ? He has reached to top and then it all ended, he is died, rather iDead.


Steve will leave a planet with nearly 3 billion humans living under 2$ a day, and nearly 1 billion humans starving each night, and nearly 22,000 humans die a day due to hunger and hunger related diseases. And nearly 1.1. billion humans don't have access to fresh clean water.


With all his billions, did he ever consider the plight of those humans, did he wonder how is to walk in the shoes of those humans? did he ever care to seek a solution that will bring an end to starvation and hunger? Did Steve Jobs ever consider Equal Money System as a solution to all of humanity? Or was he blinded by billions and never bothered about the plight of rest of humanity? Only Steve  himself can answer those question, but one thing for sure, Steve Jobs is Dead, he is gone, no more, even with all his billions he is dead.


Money cannot buy out death. Even billions cannot buy out your death, when the time is up, you got to go. But with money, there is one thing we can do, that is to bring about a practical heaven on earth for beings to live a life of dignity and self-respect.


Steve Jobs with all his innovative spirit could not perceive a solution as Equal Money System. Its too late now for Steve, but for the rest of humanity, here is the message: You will Die sooner or later, your billions cannot prevent your death, therefore do something before you die, investigate and study about Equal Money System, it is a practical solution to bring a dignified life to all beings on earth.


I wish Steve had joined the global Equal Money System movement, but sadly he was not part of it. But I am sure from wherever he is now, he will be able to understand the plight of every being on earth, I am sure he will be wishing for a practical heaven on earth. Investigate desteni.co.za to study about beings who have crossed over and hear them speak, read their writings, it will give you a perspective about the activities that are going on here and "over there".


I am sure Steve Jobs will be up-to something even after death, as there is lot to get done. Or perhaps he is gone forever more, deleted. I don't know.


For the living, it is paramount, before you DIE, join us, investigate us, learn study Equal Money System. You are going to die anyways, so might as well, assist in creating a practical heaven on earth. Your life will be worth living.


iPad, iPod, iPhone now iDead, I have learned all those cool stuff from Steve Jobs, for that I appreciate the man for his innovation and leadership. But yes, as a human being Steve Jobs failed to leave a planet without a single human being starving or dying from hunger.


With that, we say farewell to the founder of most amazing tech toys.


As they say, Steve, rest in peace.


www.desteni.co.za
www.equalmoney.org

I don't have a topic to write tonight.

Write every day, that's what daily writing means.


Some days I look for escapes, excuses to avoid writing just for a day, i will return tomorrow for daily writing, how ironic. So here I am, writing about resistance to write tonight.


Am I out of a topic tonight? No topic flows within me right now, nothing very specific, but that is OK, i can still write about 'not having a topic', see, there is always something to write about that which makes senses. There is always room for bullshit writing, which serves my ego, but that is utterly useless for myself and for anyone. I suppose there is a bit of physical tiredness at the moment, I just returned from the gym about 30 minutes ago, feeling a bit tired. Then again, that is a self imposed limitation, basically what i am suggesting is, because i came from the gym, i am unable to write tonight, or unable to find a reasonably good topic. So giving excuses again and again.


Death is a great topic, when nothing interesting comes up, i can always write about death. I mean death is common to all of us, each of us will face the music of death, god, what a relief, to end this bullshit capitalistic dog eat dog earthly living. Alas, i just said something i shouldn't have, i implied i am sick of living, which is not the case, i love living, i want to live, as i want to see the day when EMS is here, until then i want to live and NOT die.


There was a time in my life during which i very eagerly awaited death, i counted on death to come, as if i am waiting for the days of joy to come via death, perhaps i must have been very hopeless and fed up with life, so i sought solace in hoping and seeking an early death, though never intended it as a suicide, rather, just want death to come. Nowadays, since desteni.co.za i am loving my life, i want to live, i dont' want to die.


I want to see a fully functional EMS before I die. Yes many  people have that thing within wanting an early death to finish them off, either to get rid of their stresses or to get rid of their personal frustrations, yet not strong enough to commit suicide.


It just a background desire for an early death. Thank god i am done with such bullshit desires, now i want to live baby. I want to live my life to the fullest to see the day when Equal Money System will be here.


That's cool, so if anyone reading this and have subtle feelings to desiring for an early death, like a hidden wishful thought, i suggest you goto desteni.co.za and start applying self forgiveness. You will get rid off all those nasty emotions. You will start to LIVE.


Cool, that's it for tonight, see, there is always something to write about, "i dont' have topic tonight is a bullshit excuse".


Investigate us at www.desteni.co.za  and www.equalmoney.org

Self-Forgiving and Releasing Childhood Issues - sadness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experiencing sadness within me as a child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i was exceptionally a sad kid as a child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek special attention towards myself being a sad child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to like being a sad kid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that me and sadness are one and the same.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to merge in sadness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pour my heart out in sadness believing it will make me win friends and relationships.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself present like someone with great empathy who can listen and understand another's sadness and therefore really be intimate with another. not
realizing in that drama i was simply trying to trap another into friendships.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to present myself as a great listener who listens with all the attention in the world. not realizing i do that to get friends.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as a lonely child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as a loner as an isolated kid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself as a lonely kid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as a lonely kid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to like to be seen as a lonely kid so that i can get some attention.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want attention from others believing that will make me happy and strong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that  i am a natural born loner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i am lonely by birth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe all kinds of strange things just to get attention.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realizing all of my believe systems are born out of neediness to seek attention from others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly seek attention as a child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i didnt' get enough attention as a child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my parents for not giving enough attention to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in form as a parent who refuse to give attention to a child believing that i was too busy, in that i as this parent i forgive myself that i have accepted
and allowed myself to deny my attention to a child. also i as the child i forgive myself that i have become a constant blamer for things of the past, not realizing it is now my responsibility to end the past by living here as the breath of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in form as  a parent who accepted and allowed abuse as a form of discipline. as a parent i forgive myself that i have accepted myself and allowed myself to deny attention to a child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in form as a families where i have allowed
abuse and hurt to exist. i as these families i forgive myself for allowing myself to participate in abuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realizing that blame is never acceptable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that in the name of self-forgiving i am seeking to blame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realizing that i am very subtly seeking to blame in the name of self forgiveness. in that case, i am entirely invalidating myself SF process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame everyone and everything in my existence because i feel this way or that way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into my feelings and emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my parents as a child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame about my parents to other relatives as a child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to gossip about my parents as a child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to gossip and complain about my parents so that others will like me or give me more attention. to win their heart i have allowed myself to gossip about my parents.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use gossip and complaining as a means to win friends.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that complaining and gossiping will make me like-able because i am apparently placing great trust in them at the moment of gossip. Not realizing i am utterly at a lost of self-trust as i gossip.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose myself in self mistrust each time i gossip.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a gossiper as a child.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to like been seen as a gossip child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to like to participate in gossip because that will apparently bring friends towards me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be seen cool so i allowed myself to go gossiping.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that gossiping is a form of blame, it just done behind their backs. so essentially i like to blame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame everyone and everything for what goes on within my own emotional mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize my mind, my head is a box of emotions far worse than all of bollywood put together, as i constantly come up with new stories and imaginations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize until i stand here as breath of life each moment, each breath, i am allowing myself to be dead not ever be ALIVE here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the unknown so i goto my mind to think, to project, to imagine, to forecast, all that to control the outcome of my reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a control freak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to control all and everything.

when and as i see myself not breathing, i simply stop, in realizing that no story in the head can make me alive, only the breath of life here can give me life. no matter how utterly urgent or important a thought is, i simply don't go there, as i know, the mental rush to start a story is just that, a rush, an addiction to make stories in the head. because in such moments a rush to emotions is experience. so that is the addiction, to feel things.

so i breathe, i remain here. do what is best for all, always ask the question, how would i like to be treated if i were in their shoes. no story making is needed, simply be here as the breath of life.

Breathing, and Shoes.

Breathing helps.


As such another cannot breath for you. suppose if another can breathe for you, imagine, how dependent you would be on that person? yet that is precisely what we do in relationships we become dependent on the other to breath for us.


At least in my case, i have become sort of dependent on my partner to breathe for me. I realize that such dependency is obviously very unhealthy and i am giving up my self power and giving up my self responsibility to stand as myself, here as the breath of life. Wanting another to breathe for me, or wanting another to make me happy, is rather parasitic, it doesn't allow self-maturing rather creates emotional dependency, that's all.


I quote, "in life and death, you're alone". That is very true, unwilling die is the problem, unwilling to die every moment is the problem, unwilling to live as the breath of this moment here is the problem, simply breathing here, standing here and doing what is best for all, is all that is needed. Yet the mind as myself doesn't want to be here, it lives in the head, and creates all sorts of dramas, and nowadays they actually end up manifesting them.


So live as breath here, this moment, this breath, breathe, breathing, be physical here, feel the body, cut down the thinking idiot box, don't have to think to exist in this reality, don't have to imagine to exist in this reality, don't have to project to exist as physical, simply breathing here is sufficient. When action is needed to do what is best for all, ask the simple question, "how do i like to be treated if i were in their shoes?


Every life form out there is a life for me awaiting in future, so I must always ask the question, how exactly would I like to be treated suppose if i am walking in that or this person's shoes? Indeed not very easy to ask such questions and open self to others, because the fucking ego has gotten us/me/you, so not easy. I suppose its matter of pushing myself to ask the question, and apply myself accordingly.


How would i like to be treated if I were in their shoes?


Death is coming, that is for sure, all these ego games i play, at the time of death, i just have to declare loss anyways, as all my ego games will END with death. had i at least ask that magic question and lived my life in a decent way, at least i can die a bit peacefully knowing that i did check my ego. Again the magic question is, how would i like to be treated if i were in their shoes?


Many times i have been in the ditch, needing a helping hand, or generosity or some words of solace, and for sure, i am thankful when others came to aid me. So i can see how it felt to be supported when i was in need. I can see how it feels to be supported. You can never go wrong with the question: how would i like to be treated if i were in their shoes?  Ok, I realize this is how i like to be treated if i am in that shoes, so therefore let me do that exactly. without any feelings or emotions of charity, let me do exactly how i would like to be treated.


And today, 22,000 humans will die in hunger or hunger related diseases, i wonder, what they will be going through right now? How would i like to be treated if i am in their shoes right now ? of course, there is absolutely nothing i can do right here now to prevent those 22,000 deaths today, but there is something i can do to prevent millions such deaths in future. that is to stand up for Equal Money System until it is a fact of reality here.


This process is first about self-standing, standing in self stability, only then, i can be effective in supporting and assisting another as myself without having them breathe for me. As i stand in self stability, i can be more effective in standing for Equal Money System.


I am here breathing.


Hence, breathing is the primary key to this process along with self forgiveness and self honesty.


I breathe.

What is Human Nature ?

As far as I can remember the term 'Human Nature' is used in the context of providing an excuse for some wrong doings for which the individual involved is not taking self-responsibility for. Its like the will of god, or some sort of DNA based innate genetic design, kind of a thing we ought to pardon the fellow, simply because it is apparently his 'Human Nature' that made him do the despicable deed.


For example, 'human nature' would be blamed for man's decision to accept and allow himself to cheat his spouse. Similarly, for all sorts of self-dishonest actions would be blamed on 'human nature'. That is the last line of defense when all else fail.


So in summary: accepting and allowing myself to cheat is my human nature, accepting and allowing myself to lie is human nature, accepting and allowing myself to steal is human nature, accepting and allowing myself to gossip is human nature, accepting and allowing myself to talk behind another's back is human nature, accepting and allowing myself to be lazy is human nature, accepting and allowing myself to burst out in anger is human nature, accepting and allowing social classes is human nature, accepting and allowing competition against each other is human nature, accepting and allowing 'survival of the fittest' principle is human nature, accepting and allowing illicit dealings is human nature, accepting and allowing corruption and abuse in system of politics is human nature, accepting and allowing capitalistic money system is human nature, accepting and allowing animal abuse is human nature, accepting and allowing medical industry and its money making machine is human nature, accepting and allowing abuse in the name of profit making is human nature, accepting and allowing profit making by any hook or crook is human nature, accepting and allowing the starvation of 1 billion humans each day is human nature, accepting and allowing the deaths of nearly 22,000 humans each day is human nature, accepting and allowing the military and war machines is human nature, accepting and allowing nationalism is human nature, accepting and allowing religions and gods is human nature, accepting and allowing child abuse is human nature, accepting and allowing family abuse is human nature, accepting and allowing male dominance is human nature, accepting and allowing racial superiority hence racial dominance is human nature, accepting and allowing gurus is human nature, accepting and allowing poverty and slavery is human nature, accepting and allowing an unequal money system is human nature, accepting and allowing current education system is human nature, accepting and allowing the world as it is "as the way it ought be," is my human nature.


So-called human nature is nothing but an excuse to allow and accept the abuses to continue. So the question is what is that I accept and allow, and how to stop what I have been accepting and allowing? At desteni.co.za we have the tools namely self-forgiveness and self-honesty to deprogram the mind so that I can stop what I accept and allow within myself and within this world as myself.


Allowing Human Nature to guide me is like allowing the blind to lead the blind, and I know where that leads me to. So I stop the so called human nature, I stop allowing, accepting and justifying my human nature, as that is what each human is pre-programmed to be, to be a slave, it is not what is BEST FOR ALL.


Allowing and accepting human nature is self-deceptive.


Have you noticed, what is best for all, something like an Equal Money System, is not accepted as human nature, rather it is mocked as communism or socialism. Human nature is my very pre-programmed self to live a life of a slave, and trying break-out of that base design will require an extensive self-process, hence at desteni.co.za we have the process of self-forgiveness.


Join us today, wipe yourself clean, get rid of your pre-programmed self-deceptive human nature, and stop using it as an excuse for all that you have accepted and allowed within yourself and within your world as yourself.


Be a real human being.  I am walking this process of becoming a real human being, yes at the moment, I am evil, because I am still allowing and accepting my human nature to direct me.


Thanks.

Show me the Money darling.

Money is god, money defines everything, money controls everything, money gives life, money takes away life, money makes families, make makes you a god, money makes you worthy, money makes you even rotten, money defines intimacy, money defines love, money defines even hate, money brings you happiness, money brings you hell, money rules this world, money is the current of this existence, money is love, money is sex, money is the honey that pours out of your organs of orgasm, money is the god of this universe.  

And if you have no money, you are a worthless scum of this earth, worse than a rotten dead worm.

Lets bring Equal Money System where everyone and everything will be honored equally as LIFE.