i am here.
as usual backchatting today, looking to find faults, complaining, though the good news while i was complaining i was able checked it, stop it, it must be stopped at the very start, not near the end of the monologue. all comes to awareness of self every breath, every moment, not just special moments, not just special times, no all the time, every breath, i must observe my breath, and observe my tendencies to go onto verbal bad mouthing, or backchatting for that matter. i mean thinking is speaking silently, isn't it, just b'c nobody hears it doesn't mean, it is not expressed. all thoughts are expressed out into the existence, yes, every one knows what i think. and how i do i know this? i read in desteni site, all and everything exist in me as me, so all my thoughts about others are known to me, therefore known to others. there is no hiding place for thoughts, only just stopping them stops, nothing else will.
so coming back to breath, living by breath, each moment, i am able to cut the back chatting, cut the crap of bad mouthing, gossiping, and whole bunch other vices simply by observing my thoughts and breath. of course, self forgiveness and self honesty is always there as self help tools.
as for me, all through my day, i have to vigilant about my breath, thoughts, and words. easy hide, easy goto war, easy to complaint, easy to blame, easy to kill, easy to destroy, easy to kick, easy to make hell for self and others. the hardest yet the simplest is to be here as breath, every moment just be here.
Showing posts with label self writing to freedom.. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self writing to freedom.. Show all posts
Friday, February 25, 2011
Monday, January 31, 2011
Self-Writing in the Service of My Ego
I am here. its 15 minutes to mid night. A very quick piece of self writing here.
Am I rushing, or am I sticking to the commitment to self writing? No point in rushing, rather, yes, its very late, but i am here, so i can write myself to freedom by sticking to the commitment. It is important I write at least this few minutes than not do it at all, because even zero action has an accumulative effort which may lead to entirely stopping self writing. I know, with self vlogging, there was a period when I just stop totally for like 3-4 weeks, then returning to self vloging was harder.
The continuity of self application is vital. Its not about 'just do it' principle, rather, writing with self introspection, writing with realisation. This is not a verbal diarrhea on written format. Rather this is me writing myself here, And this is not an announcement for fellow bloggers to read my blog either. I mean am i writing this so that others may read it? is that my starting point ? that would of course be self dishonest. That is not called self writing to freedom, rather, it should be called self writing for attention (to feed the mind through a backdoor).
So here I am, writing myself to freedom, just me writing about me for me. By the self, for the self. Yes others could read it for themselves, and identify the issues written here and relate it to them, hence, assist them to open up their own bullshit too. So this blog is assist-ive to others if it helps them to see their own bullshit. This blog is not a pass time nor an attempt at self entertainment (nor to entertain the readers).
This is me writing for me, about me, my process, how and what I go thru in my life and my process. Since we have the same minds, many can relate to this and find it assist-ive in their lives. Thats about it, i am not writing from the perspective of getting more readers, nor getting more attention from others etc.
Will I ever write for audience, meaning as a supportive piece for others ? Well, first, all writing is actually self writing. Its simply sharing self here. I am sharing myself here. Any common sense shared in this is open to all, its "common sense" is visible to all, so all may read it and learn something from it. So yes, all my self writing is first for myself, and yes, it is open for all to share, though not direct at an audience.
So my starting point is not the audience, but myself. I have to be very clear on this point for myself, because I could really fuck myself up. I say I am doing self writing here, when in fact, all I am doing is, seeking attention through writing. So, self writing for freedom is in the service of ego.
Not acceptable. I am here.
Am I rushing, or am I sticking to the commitment to self writing? No point in rushing, rather, yes, its very late, but i am here, so i can write myself to freedom by sticking to the commitment. It is important I write at least this few minutes than not do it at all, because even zero action has an accumulative effort which may lead to entirely stopping self writing. I know, with self vlogging, there was a period when I just stop totally for like 3-4 weeks, then returning to self vloging was harder.
The continuity of self application is vital. Its not about 'just do it' principle, rather, writing with self introspection, writing with realisation. This is not a verbal diarrhea on written format. Rather this is me writing myself here, And this is not an announcement for fellow bloggers to read my blog either. I mean am i writing this so that others may read it? is that my starting point ? that would of course be self dishonest. That is not called self writing to freedom, rather, it should be called self writing for attention (to feed the mind through a backdoor).
So here I am, writing myself to freedom, just me writing about me for me. By the self, for the self. Yes others could read it for themselves, and identify the issues written here and relate it to them, hence, assist them to open up their own bullshit too. So this blog is assist-ive to others if it helps them to see their own bullshit. This blog is not a pass time nor an attempt at self entertainment (nor to entertain the readers).
This is me writing for me, about me, my process, how and what I go thru in my life and my process. Since we have the same minds, many can relate to this and find it assist-ive in their lives. Thats about it, i am not writing from the perspective of getting more readers, nor getting more attention from others etc.
Will I ever write for audience, meaning as a supportive piece for others ? Well, first, all writing is actually self writing. Its simply sharing self here. I am sharing myself here. Any common sense shared in this is open to all, its "common sense" is visible to all, so all may read it and learn something from it. So yes, all my self writing is first for myself, and yes, it is open for all to share, though not direct at an audience.
So my starting point is not the audience, but myself. I have to be very clear on this point for myself, because I could really fuck myself up. I say I am doing self writing here, when in fact, all I am doing is, seeking attention through writing. So, self writing for freedom is in the service of ego.
Not acceptable. I am here.
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