I am Faithful 99.99999% of the time.

A 23 year old girl from Bangladesh started a chat with me today on FB. At least based on her photos, she appears very beautiful. Soon into the chat, she says, "you are so hot", at that very moment I could sense a rush of energy within me, an excitement, short of breath etc. Clearly that statement got me all excited and wanting more. In the olden days before desteni, i would let it unroll, and ended up in a heated online sex chat and who knows where that will lead. But today, I had the good fortune of self-honesty which immediately kicked in to save my ass. Within that moment, as i feel the rush of excitement, I calm myself down, i breathed, i slow down a bit, in all self-honesty i look at the situation then i realize i am touching the group of utter self-dishonesty, cheating, and betrayal  etc, if i were to continue the chat in that direction. I told her, "lets not talk such", and she immediately apologies and the exciting energy vanished, moments later all was normal, no more energy, no more excitement. the energy of her beautiful sensual picture vanished too. i was to able to continue chatting without the 'excitement'.

All in all, it was a moment to flirt, a moment to get a sexual high, a moment for online masturbation and flirtation. the fact that i am married is a secondary point, so am i saying if were single today would i have continued with the 23 year old ? I suppose i must have been open to such sexual chats.

Been in a relationship implies commitment, that goes without saying. Online chats, flirts of any sensual or sexual nature is clearly violation of trust. Obviously we cannot avoid such moments arriving at our doorsteps, they will come, then there is self-honesty within the breath to avoid any consequential acts of self-betrayal.

First of all, i allowed the chat to start, why did i even allowed that chat to start? Is it because i knew her photos to be sweet and sensual ? In accepting the first step, i allowed a later moment of flirting to occur. I am not totally free from cheating here, though i stopped it at a later point, but i did allowed the possibility at all by agreeing to chat in the very first place.

This point requires further self investigation.

In relationships, its either ALL or NOTHING, when it comes to trust and integrity. Can't be faithful just 99.9999% of the time.  

Amma, the "Hugging Saint", is her group a CULT?

Amritanandamayi Devi, also known as Amma, or the hugging saint, leads a vast spiritual organization in India and around the world. On the surface of it, her teachings are simple and likable for the religious minded folks, and who wouldn't like a hug from a saint after all, apparently that is the nearest you can come to getting a hug from God. Since God him/herself  cannot down to hug you, might as well settle with this hugging saint, AMMA.  

Is her organization a CULT ? 

Does she have a CULT-ish like following ? Do the devotees of Amma simply following their master? Are they taught to take Self-Responsibility and therefore stand as Self-Standing Self-Responsible human beings without ever needing a master or saint? Do the devotees of Amma, taught how to eradicate emotions and feelings that are arising like storms within humans these days without ever needing to worship their saint? Do the devotees learn about Self-Writing to Self Freedom? Do they know or have applied Self-Forgiveness to rebirth themselves as LIFE through the physical? Are the devotees of Amma, aware of themselves as LIFE without ever needing a master or guru? Do they realize guru worship as mind control and it enslaves them? Do they realize that all the so-called charity work done by Amma's organization is just that charity, which only widens the gap between the haves and have-nots. As charity is a feel good thing, it never really solves the problem.

Has Amma ever mentioned the principle of "What is Best for All" ? Has she ever discussed what is an Equal Money System, or Equal Labor System, or Equal Housing System, or Equal Education System or Equal Healthcare Systems are all about ? Does Amma understand what is 'Equality for All' mean? 

Amma, the hugging saint, will she stand as One Vote for Equal Money System and therefore to bring a practical heaven on earth for all ? 

Does she know guru worship and adoration is self-dishonest and self-deceitful ?

Does she know what a CULT is ? Look no further, simple devotee attachment and adoration to the guru implies a CULT like spiritual nonsense. 

Investigate www.desteni.co.za to find how to set yourself free from your accepted and allowed guru nonsense. Its never too late, be yourself, be the LIFE that you're.

Is one drop of Beer too much?

Since coming to desteni, i have entirely gave up my taste to drink anything alcohol. even within desteni materials drinking alcohol is not suggested, the harm it can do to the body and mind has been well documented. I was never a heavy drinker, but I will never refuse to have a drink at parties etc. At home i hardly purchased beer or anything for personal consumption. if i recall correct, it was the boxing day 2004 i last got drunk. i remember that day very well because of the South Asian Tsunami which took nearly 275,000 lives within seconds. Though never got drunk since, but i continue have occational beer every now and then. a social drinker is the term.

Reading desteni materials, it became very clear to me that drinking serves no purpose at all, it only builds up the Mind Conscious System (MCS). The problem was not just about drinking, its about how the MCS builds up, and how enslavement becomes stronger and stronger. Water purifies the body, self-forgiveness stills the water in the body, whereas alcohol does something harmful to the body and it is not in alignment with what self-forgiveness does to the body. Alcohol is detrimental to the outcome of self-forgiveness.

Taking alcohol is self-dishonest. At some point i argue about the quantity of alcohol one takes, is small glass too much? is one drop of beer too much? well on the surface of it, taking a small glass seems rather harmless. I mean few sips are not going to kill you. But going deeper into desteni materials one realizes even taking a sip of beer is just too much, because the issue is not in the amount, its about what a drop can do to build up the Mind Conscious System. The system build up that goes on within the body thanks to alcohol is very detrimental.

Tonight I was at a social party, visiting an extended family after few years of distance. I have been rather disconnected to them for last 3-4 years now, other day i got invited by them to attend some special event party at their place. So, tonight i went, i was very nervous, old memories and thoughts running in mind, old emotions of our long gone association came to my mind. Thought it was very nice of them to invite me to this occation, i would have preferrred if they had chosen to close the door totally. Anyways, it turned out i had a nice time.

The sad part is i had to take few sips of beer. As i entered the host invited me to have a drink, out of nervousness and self-embarassment, perhaps bit of shyness to meet all that people after years of distance, i said yes to a drink. i was served a cold beer in a tall glass. i took a sip, then another, then another, about 4-5 in total, i was starting to feel a bit drunk already, my head was kind of spinning, i was feeling uncomfortable. Now, no man of in his 40s will show signs of drunkenness after 4 sips of beer, unless you're totally allegeric to beer, which i am not. so my conclusion is having avoided alcohol for few years now, even taking a few sips of beer show its effort in the body very fast. I have done a self-detrimental act by taking those few sips of beer. Amount doesn't matter, i have put alcohol into my body, so its building up my MCS even more. A serious time loop will ensure.

The point of doing self-forgiveness is to get rid of the MCS, whereas taking beer will do just the opposite, that's exactly how i felt today at the party.

It was no party for me, as i have abused myself my body by taking few sips of beer. moreover i gave into nervousness and shyness, and fear, so i justified having the drinks to calm me down. yes it did clam me down, i became relax at the party, but i missed the whole point of transecendence. The only good news is by the 4th of 5th sip, i put the glass away, took a glass of soda instead. oh well, too late now, could have done that with the very first sip. But i didn't because i allowed and accepted myself to enjoy the beer, i allowed it to clam me down, and of course i allowed it to build up my MCS, only time will tell its consequences.

What a fool. ok let this be the final lesson. never again, not even a drop. this regret to is just too much to bear.

'Till here no further, i will never take any more sips of alcohol ever again. I realize the point is not about how many sips i take, its about saying absolute and unconditional NO to alcohol, forever more.

Life or Ego, what is that you see in another?

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see the LIFE in the humans.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to just see only the mind and ego in the humans.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to only look at what i want to see in humans and thereby deny the very LIFE that exist within humans.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself only to look at the ego and mind in the humans, that is because my ego loves to see only the ego in others.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to limit humans to egos and minds.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to like seen humans as egos and minds and nothing else.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to see humans as embodiments of LIFE, therefore worthy of respect and honor just like how i liked to be respected and honored.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to ignore the LIFE portion within the humans so that i can make all kids of judgement about them.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see only what i want to see in humans, which is their egos and minds.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to only see the egos in humans so that i can judge them as fucking bastards which implies that i am perfect.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to never ask the question why is that i only look at the ego in the humans, why is that i look their limited minds and their MCS ? knowing very well each  human is a MCS, i still judge them and limit them and deny them the honor and respect they deserve as LIFE.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately ignore the LIFE thingy within the humans and just see only their egos and minds.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to only see what i like to see which allows me to make war with them and against them. had i taken a moment to see the LIFE in the vilan, i would have understood him/her to be equal and one as myself, but no, i only want to see their egos and minds which is nothing but their MCS. 


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not realize humans are MCS, and embodiment of LIFE, therefore if i only see their MCS i will only see their MCS, and hence all my judgements about them will be justified. after all we all know about MCS, and its very nature. 


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself blame humans and judge humans for been MCS. 


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame humans for been egoistic. in this i don't realize that everyone is an ego, everyone is a MCS, everyone is controlled and preprogrammed, therefore there is nothing to blame about, simply see and understand it and not judge them for been MCS. it is what it is. 


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge humans for not applying self forgiveness. 


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge humans for been self dishonest. then i can hide my own self dishonesty.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself blame others for been dishonest, in that i can hide my own bullshit.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for been MCS/Egos, so in  that i can hide my own MCS and ego which i cannot stand anymore.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to declare war against other egos and in that destroy the LIFE that is embodied within them. basically whenever i declare war against any EGO, i am declaring war against LIFE too.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge egos and MCS.


when and as i see myself judging another for been an ego or MCS, i simply stop myself realising that it is what it is. if they had the chance to apply self forgiveness like me, they might have a chance at least to over come their egos. but no, they haven't got hold of SF yet, so i cannot blame them or hurt them for been EGOs, as that is the nature of all humans. so am i going to war with each because they are EGOs?


when and as i see myself going to war with another ego, i simply stop it, knowing that it is my own ego seeking a war, to fuel and feed itself. 
when and as i see myself ignoring the LIFE in another and see only their EGO, i stop myself realising that i am now been spiteful because i deliberately look only at their EGOs, because i want war. so i stop myself from looking at their EGOic patterns, because i know the more i look at their egos the more wars will turn out. therefore i simply breath, and remain here physical. i know the other is ego is just me as well, it is another as me.


really, who the fuck am i? i am here as breath, as breath of life. and i know everyone else is LIFE too for sure, it just their are MCS and egos as well. so i will not focus on their egos to declare war. 

I am a master at self-sabotage.

my urge to self destroy is getting stronger these days. I suppose these are the days of self-sabotage, its a phase within the process each is walking now. For me, i have always been a master at self-sabotage. I am driven by emotions to self-destroy, more than anything. When I feel certain painful feelings I will justify to myself that, yes I must quit, I must end. I have resigned a few jobs in the past within the first 2-3 years into the job, when the going  get tough I will simply call it a day. Or when a relationship becomes a bit painful, I will walk myself out of it. Not realizing the emotions that i feel is something i must transcend without running away from the issue. Ok how many times am i going to resigned a job, how many times am i going to quit a relationship, how many times am i going to move out this town?

when and as i see myself justifying myself to 'quit' something, i will hold myself there, not allow myself to follow through on it. because i know, once i give into the process of quitting, its a matter of time, the quitting will manifest, i have been there many times, i have quieted many times, i left relationships many times. so when and as i see myself preparing to leave, i will simply breathe here, as i know one day i will be a deadman, will be buried 6 foot under, so no point really quitting this job or relationship, better to work it out, better to speak/talk and reach an agreement. yes, without ever giving into the emotions of wanting to end, i can leave a situation if it is the last resort, but it is certainly not the first resort. so when and as i see myself wanting to end  something, like a job or relationship, i simply return to breath, i am breathing, i am alone here, as in life and death everyone is alone, so why bother to runaway just because i feel a bit of emotions called 'pain'. it just emotions, energy. tomorrow, i will not even know what is this pain i feel today is like, for sure, i cannot remember any emotions/pain/hurts i felt yesterday or yesteryear, yet i have often ran away from many situations because i just could not bear the pain of the moment. so i have been there, i see how in futile to running away is. i am breathing. so when and as i see myself wanting to end, i simply breath, as i know, i should be here now, not within the process of thinking about how to end, at which, i am a master. so remain here.

oh god, how many times have i ran away? how many times will i threaten people that i will ran away? i am breath i am here.

Join the desteni-i-process to learn the tools of self forgiveness , self honesty and self correction to change to what is best for all, and what is best for self.

To die like a fly on the windscreen

Just one life to live, my death is a sure certainty.

So the question to ask is, what the HELL am I going to do before I die ? Dying as a hero is out of the question, I am no hero. Dying as a famous singer is out of the question. Dying as a famous personality is out of the question, or dying as a sought-after scientist is beyond me, dying as a rich man is useless. Or dying as a political head is beyond me too. Or even dying as an artist or writer is rather late now. Very likely I will die as a normal person who lived a normal life. At the end of the day, my life is rather an uneventful journey, nothing significant to talk about, nor to remember about.

Basically like a fly on the windscreen I will die someday. Perhaps a decent funeral, because I know my brother is a kind of a guy who will do such bullshit, so I may get a decent family funeral. So that is all about my life in a summary. So I better find a really damn good mission to do before I die, to make my life a useful one. Otherwise, my life would be forgotten like a dead fly on the windscreen.

Within the desteni process, self-forgiveness, self honesty, and equal money system, I found all meaning to my life and therefore to my death. Till I die and beyond I will stand for Equal Money System, this is to bring about a practical heaven on earth, so that every human being can live in dignity and die in dignity. I didn’t live in dignity , and surely I will not die in dignity, as I lived my whole life in fear of survival and self-deceit. Because to survive I had to lie, to cheat, to be dishonest etc, while 25,000 humans die tonight in hunger or related causes, I am here enjoying blogging and vlogging. I have the privilege to sit in the comfort of home in luxury. Yet many die in hunger tonight, which I accept and allow as normal.

Therefore as long as I live, I want to scream and shout about the world conditions, about the hunger of many, as they don’t have a voice to scream and shout. So I will shout on their behalf. I will scream on their behalf. Those 25,000 may die tonight, as I am still here, I will shout and scream on their behalf so a new world will be born, and starvation/hunger will be seen ever again. Obviously I too will die one day, so still have time to shout and scream to end the starvation and madness of this world. But I am not going to waste my time in useless shouting and screaming, I will do it smartly, as a group, with the principle of one man one vote, seeking votes to bring about a new set of laws to end all abuses everywhere. Therefore to implement equal money system is the first immediate goal, worldwide.

Even then, I may still die like a fly on the windscreen, but at least I will leave a world with Equal Money System for all to live in dignity. Who knows, if I were to return, at least this planet will be a place of support and assistance. I will not have to worry and fear about paychecks, rent, housing, healthcare bills, water, food, education, layoffs, etc.

Can you imagine how this earth will be in the next 10,000 years ? At desteni, we propose a practical heaven on earth though Equality for All.  

Join us: www.equalmoney.org

The Global Democratic Political Movement: Equal Life Party.

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