I am a fucking game addict.

gosh, i still can't get over cricket. tomorrow is the world cup final between sri lanka and india, and i am already getting ready to enjoy the excitement. i found a restaurant in downtown ottawa where they will be showing the game on TV starting at 4:30am. i can't believe i will actually wake up at 5am to rush to catch the game. fucking god sake its just a game.

i remember during super bowl or during the soccer world cup i would criticize those fans for watching their big game. i would look down upon them as if they are some kind of brainwashed hooligans who are so engrossed in their fucking game. and look at me? i am doing the same fucking thing. i am into cricket and people here in the west are into soccer and super bowl etc. so i get hooked to watch 'my team' play cricket and people here watch their boys play their game. whats the fucking difference? aren't we all just addicts ?

i am a game addict. every 4 years or so if sri lanka is in the finals, you bet i will be watching the game. of course i will react with ups and downs of the game. the emotional highs and lows, feeling of victory and defeat. my team made it. one guy told me today that he will pray for sri lanka. wtf.

what a madness. i am actually going to spend about 6 hours sitting in front of a tv to watch a game, paying a fee of 10$. god.

its all got to do with self-identification. i mean if sri lanka were not in the final i would probably not watch the final tomorrow. because its my team is playing so there i am.

well i suppose i can watch and enjoy the game, almost like enjoying a long movie or a star trek series of episodes. during all that 6 hours i have to be self-vigilant not to allow my thoughts, emotions and feeling run wild along with the game. not seek any highs or lows along with the game. just watch it, enjoy the art of playing cricket, the batting and the bowling.

its fun to watch. the problem is when the game begins to control my mind. it would be a challenge for me tomorrow to watch the game with a restaurant full of people, i must remain as the breath, in fact, as every breath, and be here as physical breath, then, i can simply watch the game and actually enjoy it too.

i am here as breath. as physical.