Self-writing daily checks the ego.

There you go again, facing the same point of 'no topic to write tonight'. I know for sure its an excuse of the mind to keep stuck within my thinking mind, so I just have to run with the pen and get some writing done.


What happens when i dont' write? well, easy, i go into thinking and thinking, the cans of worms, we call thinking, emotions, and feeling start to come out, the ego loves it, as i think the ego gets its juice, the mind conscious system gets a boost. so really the price of not writing is allowing and accepting the mind , the ego to get stronger and stronger. whereas writing, daily writing that is, a check on ego at least for the duration of the writing. here as i write there is no real thinking going on, or feelings any bullshit, i am simply writing this out. checking my ego, via self writing.


At times i ask the question, does this self writing actually works? is it working for me, am i really making the expected progress via self writing ? one thing for sure, there is lot more 'flow' in my writing nowadays, i am more comfortable in expressing myself via writing. Not sure if common sense itself has 'grown', that i will know in time, it cannot be measured or proved. i will just know my self writing is 'working' or not, in time. but i must write everyday nevertheless.


Wanting to be a great 'writer' is another trap to be watch out for. i have that desire hidden somewhere, i like my self writing to be glorious and well sought after, all for what? fame. viola, the ego has return via a backdoor, here i am self writing myself to cut the ego, but in doing so desiring fame and fortune, allowing a return for the ego.


So i have to be clear within me, my starting point, as to what is the purpose of my self writing here? let me declare it for once and for all. i write here to share my process, to share my life, to share whats going on in my life, and in this world, pretty much that's about it. Surely, i don't provide any sort of advice or counselling via my self writing, as self writing is about self. however, should any readers need counselling or tips, there is the website: www.desteni.co.za where you will get all the assistance you will ever need in your life. Start your process, get involved, start your self writing, self-forgive, become self honest, and join the global movement of equal money system.


I am breathing, here physical, taking a real breath, fully, just to establish that i am here indeed. Another breath, likewise apparently life goes on breath by breath. At desteni we say, live your life breath by breath. here. be here. take each breath, feel it, breathe it, dont' miss it, we say each breath is a new start, as there is no past. all the so called past belongs to breaths of the past, not to this breath. hence to live in the moment here implies not carrying any memories of the past breaths into this breath. just breathe for this moment, surely i cannot breathe for future or past points.


Not that easy to live breath by breath, the mind quickly jumps to elsewhere. As if some urgent thing to attend. Some worry to think about, some person to call, an email to write or even eat some food, have some sex, or masturbate, so many quick little things to do when living breath by breaths. Mind or ego will find so many little things to distract me. Now this mind or ego is me too. i am that. the mind or the ego is not separate from me. i am the point that allows jumping around. there is no external force that tells me to masturbate while self writing, or breathing this very breath. Or there is no external entity that tells me some nasty shit about my wife while i self write, its me who has allowed and accepted such shit to exist within me.


But so desperately want to escape to the mind, to start thinking about tomorrow, god its TGIF, thank god its Friday, so can think about it now.  Now living breath by breath doesn't mean not thinking, it simply means to breathe each breath, not to miss any.


For sure, all kinds of shit comes up when stay here as breath by breath, that is precisely where self forgiveness comes handy, take each shit point that comes up and apply self forgiveness for it. things that comes tell me what i am hiding or suppressing some inside me. the more i stay in this breath, the more stronger the shit get thrown up. good, more to release, more self forgiveness to come. remember this is a process of few years, 7 or more.


So self writing is like breathing breath by breath. Dont' write to get famous or make a fortune, just write to cut the crap of ego down. And not writing daily, puts me back to ego land very quickly.