i am here. i am general known as a needy person within my relationships before and now, meaning always wanting attention and touchy stuff. but here is the strange thing, right after ejaculation, i am just the opposite meaning, i seek no attention or touchy stuff, in fact i become 'leave me alone' type. so it goes to show, just a release, an orgasm, is all i am seeking in that apparent 'give me attention' mode. looking to boost my MCS either thru other's energy or thru an ejaculation point. i am very much here within me as self physically, soon after 'cuming' not seeking anyone's attention nor touch. wow. that's is a real Mind fuck.
so all that drama i do get attention is related to boosting my MCS. i mean how would i otherwise explain the state of calmness i feel right after 'cuming', as if i am in heaven no need for anybody's attention or affection. gosh i wish i was this clam all thru day. its a relief to be cool with self, with self presence physically. all that craving and wanting for attention from others is just fucking draining to say the least. god. i am here breathing as me, myself physically.
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