it just unbelievable how emotionally possessed i become. i mean it really sucks. sometimes for a whole day i can stay stuck in a doze of emotions without any relief from it for hours and hours. i need to get physical meaning i lack physical movements, workouts, some kind of a sport, or even house cleaning, lack of physical movement coupled with 'sit down and think' has made me a bag of emotions. it sucks,
i see so many happy people but somehow i seem often taken over by some emotions. today monday by the time i got ready to goto work, i was overloaded by certain line of thinking and emotions, i felt so way too much. i called a day off. i spend the day alone, self time. coffee time, walking time, even then what do i do, i just think and think. all day i did nothing useful, went to see a car at dealer, that's about it, mostly spend sitting for tea and just thinking. here get physical means get the hell out of the mind, get out of that chair and move the butt to do some physical activity. even walking for god sake would take me out of my mind. nope i just sat with tea and did a day full of thinking. i guess i have a lot of think these days.
i am sure at the hour of my death, i will regret wasting this day. why did i waste so much of my life just thinking and doing nothing. get physical , get physical, do some cleaning, go for a walk, clean the tables, clean the toilets, do something, even fucking masturbate if you have to, just to get out of that thinking chair and stop god damn thinking.
so i am going to buy myself a little voice recorder, so when i hit that thinking chair with my tea next time, i am going to hit record button, at least i will have a few vids done, a view into my demonic secret mind. a view into my nasty fucking backchat. i am going to just talk the shit out of my mind and record the shit. its ok, it is my process, my shit i will gladly share with all. perhaps some may see their shit in my shit too
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