i am investigating to write a diary about my back-chats, meaning i want to jot down all my mental dialogues that i have. i want to start writing those mind-chats daily. all those conversations inside the head, all those blames, fears, yelling and other bullshit that goes inside my grey matter must be written down.
As i want to see what i entertain within my mind on a regular basis. after all, i have spent forty plus years inside my mind yet i don't recall what i was thinking just 2 hours ago. well forget about 2 hours ago, i don't' recall what i was thinking just 20 minutes ago. surely i won't be able to recall my backchats say 10 years ago. i mean, yet in 10 years ago, or 20 years ago i lived a hellish life thanks to my mind dialogues though i have no record of it.
so its time to record my daily mental conversations in detail. so that i can see for myself what i have been doing inside my mind. i mean all my physical actions were result of my mind discussions. i want to see my own creator on written form.
yep time to write mind-chats, backchat down on paper.
Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
Monday, April 4, 2011
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Be present here in the moment.
I am here. breathing, Feb 9, 2011, my daily blogging continues.
Yeh, not being present in the moment is uncool. today, a coworker came to my cube wanting to inquire about some issue, but i was too involved in my own work stuff, and i couldn't step out of it and be present to this being who is here, wanting to find some information. even though i came around to it, was listening to what he got to say etc, but i was not really there. i was thinking about what i was doing, not really listening to him. a single breath would have eased up the issue,
so naturally i really didn't' pick what he was asking me, so i gave a half baked solution, he was bit pissed off with that, as he was going away, he didn't hesitate to show off his anger at me, very subtly of course. my justification was i was too tired from last night, having not slept much, meaning got interrupt few times in the middle of deep sleep by a snoring human, so all day, i told myself that i am tired. not cool. this breath i am here, just breath, i am here, i mean i am not falling down from sleepiness, its just a bit of yawning. alertness of mind comes from breath, from breathing here, not from long hours of sleeping.
so when the guy came for information, i was either in the mind thinking that i am tired or, was tired because i have been thinking as such. the comment he made while leaving was bit rude, i got embarrassed, but hey, only if i accept and allow such bullshit within me. i mean he can say anything, even if he is half right, the embarrassment comes only if allow it. so no, i am here as breath.
But the whole thing came about because i was not here as breath, when the person came for some information. i couldn't' stop my stuff for a moment, and attend to his concerns. i can't do 2 things at the same time, so might as well do one thing properly within the breath, each breath. its neglecting the breath here what caused the drama this morning, no need for it actually, a simple breath here, could have done a lot of good for us.
so a lesson learned, just this breath, i can only do whatever i do in this breath, so have to talk to someone, just talk, whatever is that you, just do it within the breath, within just this breath, equal and one to this breath and whatever is here within this breath. equal and one to all as life.
is it really he less important than what was i thinking at that moment? is he less than the thoughts i was having at that moment? if anything, it is my thoughts that needs least of my attention, all else is equal and one as life as me.
so everything that happens here in this moment/breath, is here as life, deal with it, fully equally. no thing is less than any 'other' thing.
its here, so it is equal and one as life. i am here with all equally. i don't' discriminate 'that' to be more important than 'this'. all is here as life. i am here as breath.
so i am here in the moment, present fully and equally.
Yeh, not being present in the moment is uncool. today, a coworker came to my cube wanting to inquire about some issue, but i was too involved in my own work stuff, and i couldn't step out of it and be present to this being who is here, wanting to find some information. even though i came around to it, was listening to what he got to say etc, but i was not really there. i was thinking about what i was doing, not really listening to him. a single breath would have eased up the issue,
so naturally i really didn't' pick what he was asking me, so i gave a half baked solution, he was bit pissed off with that, as he was going away, he didn't hesitate to show off his anger at me, very subtly of course. my justification was i was too tired from last night, having not slept much, meaning got interrupt few times in the middle of deep sleep by a snoring human, so all day, i told myself that i am tired. not cool. this breath i am here, just breath, i am here, i mean i am not falling down from sleepiness, its just a bit of yawning. alertness of mind comes from breath, from breathing here, not from long hours of sleeping.
so when the guy came for information, i was either in the mind thinking that i am tired or, was tired because i have been thinking as such. the comment he made while leaving was bit rude, i got embarrassed, but hey, only if i accept and allow such bullshit within me. i mean he can say anything, even if he is half right, the embarrassment comes only if allow it. so no, i am here as breath.
But the whole thing came about because i was not here as breath, when the person came for some information. i couldn't' stop my stuff for a moment, and attend to his concerns. i can't do 2 things at the same time, so might as well do one thing properly within the breath, each breath. its neglecting the breath here what caused the drama this morning, no need for it actually, a simple breath here, could have done a lot of good for us.
so a lesson learned, just this breath, i can only do whatever i do in this breath, so have to talk to someone, just talk, whatever is that you, just do it within the breath, within just this breath, equal and one to this breath and whatever is here within this breath. equal and one to all as life.
is it really he less important than what was i thinking at that moment? is he less than the thoughts i was having at that moment? if anything, it is my thoughts that needs least of my attention, all else is equal and one as life as me.
so everything that happens here in this moment/breath, is here as life, deal with it, fully equally. no thing is less than any 'other' thing.
its here, so it is equal and one as life. i am here with all equally. i don't' discriminate 'that' to be more important than 'this'. all is here as life. i am here as breath.
so i am here in the moment, present fully and equally.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Must Die to Live.
I am here, Feb 8th, 2011, my daily blogging continues.
Gosh. There is only one way to happiness, it is to completely abandon the mind, meaning, never to exist as thoughts, emotions and feelings. Yep its a tall order, near impossible you may say, how on earth to live without any thoughts, emotions, and feelings. Long time ago, I discussed this point of living without thoughts, emotions, and feelings, then the response i got was, "to live in that void is not life", something like that. meaning, emptiness, silence that caused by the absence of thoughts emotions and feelings are to be avoided, it will make you a zombie. we are so programmed to believe that thoughts emotions and feelings what makes us worthy of life, and make us living human beings. Nope. thoughts emotions and feelings what makes us demons.
this argument can go on and on, should i think or not think, should i feel or not feel, should i entertain emotions or not ? bit like to be or not to be.
Very simple answer:
what if i die right now? here in this very moment, my heart stops and i breathe my last. what then? when the last breath arrives, i don't' have much choice, i cannot ask to be or not to be, fuck i am dead, how can a dead man ask any questions?
yes, this very moment, i am dead here, just dead. its over, i have just taken the last breath, i have breathed my last: what thought is there? what emotions are there? what feelings are there? yet i am here. even death hasn't ended me, i am still here. yet no thoughts, emotions, and feelings. just silence, just me, i am breathing however.
so, oh wait a second, i am here in my physical body still, not apparently dead, i am here. so can i live like as if i am dead? yes i am dead for all practical purposes of the mind. all thoughts, emotions, feelings have died, but i remain.
i am dead, i am dead, i am dead, my mind is dead, i am dead, i am here as breath. i am yet here, but i am dead, and i am here actually breathing. gosh, no thoughts, no emotions, no feelings. i am here, though dead but still here.
death will end all thoughts emotions and feelings. i am here equal and one to all here, because i am dead, i have no thoughts emotions and feelings. yet i remain, so i am equal and one to all.
thanks, i am still in the physical body, breathing,
This is the end result for us all anyways, so might as well die now to LIVE. I am dead but alive. i am dead, all is over, i am dead, the physical remain here, my breath is here, i am breathing, but i am dead, yes i am dead, just the breath, the actual breath, here, equal and one to all of physicality, but i am dead here. i breathe. just the breath of life, i am dead, my mind is dead, i am here as breath.
I must die to live, there is no other way to abandon the mind for good. i die here, so that i live. i am breathing but i am dead, i die here, so i breathe and i live.
Gosh. There is only one way to happiness, it is to completely abandon the mind, meaning, never to exist as thoughts, emotions and feelings. Yep its a tall order, near impossible you may say, how on earth to live without any thoughts, emotions, and feelings. Long time ago, I discussed this point of living without thoughts, emotions, and feelings, then the response i got was, "to live in that void is not life", something like that. meaning, emptiness, silence that caused by the absence of thoughts emotions and feelings are to be avoided, it will make you a zombie. we are so programmed to believe that thoughts emotions and feelings what makes us worthy of life, and make us living human beings. Nope. thoughts emotions and feelings what makes us demons.
this argument can go on and on, should i think or not think, should i feel or not feel, should i entertain emotions or not ? bit like to be or not to be.
Very simple answer:
what if i die right now? here in this very moment, my heart stops and i breathe my last. what then? when the last breath arrives, i don't' have much choice, i cannot ask to be or not to be, fuck i am dead, how can a dead man ask any questions?
yes, this very moment, i am dead here, just dead. its over, i have just taken the last breath, i have breathed my last: what thought is there? what emotions are there? what feelings are there? yet i am here. even death hasn't ended me, i am still here. yet no thoughts, emotions, and feelings. just silence, just me, i am breathing however.
so, oh wait a second, i am here in my physical body still, not apparently dead, i am here. so can i live like as if i am dead? yes i am dead for all practical purposes of the mind. all thoughts, emotions, feelings have died, but i remain.
i am dead, i am dead, i am dead, my mind is dead, i am dead, i am here as breath. i am yet here, but i am dead, and i am here actually breathing. gosh, no thoughts, no emotions, no feelings. i am here, though dead but still here.
death will end all thoughts emotions and feelings. i am here equal and one to all here, because i am dead, i have no thoughts emotions and feelings. yet i remain, so i am equal and one to all.
thanks, i am still in the physical body, breathing,
This is the end result for us all anyways, so might as well die now to LIVE. I am dead but alive. i am dead, all is over, i am dead, the physical remain here, my breath is here, i am breathing, but i am dead, yes i am dead, just the breath, the actual breath, here, equal and one to all of physicality, but i am dead here. i breathe. just the breath of life, i am dead, my mind is dead, i am here as breath.
I must die to live, there is no other way to abandon the mind for good. i die here, so that i live. i am breathing but i am dead, i die here, so i breathe and i live.
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