Happiness is a decision.

cannot live like this. a decision must be made on how i am going to live the rest of my life. right now, i am basically a robot, totally controlled by anything and anyone. i rely on others to make me feel good, i want others to give me total attention, everything about me atm requires the other. when the other is not so forthcoming, i resort to blame, with a nasty sharp tongue i go on blaming. in other words, i am not living a self responsible life that is good for me and good for others. so i can see until i take total self responsibility things aren't going to look pretty. in fact, things are really going to get bad, worse in fact.

apparently May-21-2011 the so called preprogrammed life of mine is over, now either i must stand up as a responsible human or just perish. well just dying away is a useless option, so might as well really consider what it means to be a living human being.

i have to decide what am i going to allow and not allow. all kinds of emotional bullshits are running my life now, i let any little thing become a big hill. i let any little challenge turn into a big fear, well a long list of bullshits i have accepted and allowed within me as me, and i live that shit.

so this is the decision i must make: at every breath, am i willing to breathe with awareness, become here, be here, then consider what is best for all, in that not giving into the momentum of the ego. this decision doesn't mean i am a saint over night, nor transcended all points over night, no not at all. the decision simple means that i am willing myself to live one breath at a time. yes focusing on the small picture, the breath by breath picture, and then make it effective. while at the same time, relentlessly participating in Equal Money.

a decision to give up the old ways must be made. a decision to give up the fears must be made, a decision to give up the old patterns must be made. the core of this decision is to live as breath, NO MATTER WHAT.

so tonight, it is my decision, i embark myself on this great journey of life, to rebirth myself as life, by simply making a decision to live as breath. here. i cannot let anything to enter my inner space, no motion, no motion, no lose motion, no judgement, no fear no thoughts, no egos, no history, no past, no anxiety, no abuse, no hate, no anger, no rage, no hate, no personality, no 'I', all there is simply the breath here, and then directing self to do what is best for all.

Rebirthing self as life through the physical is a decision. Like they say in spiritual new age bullshit circles, 'Happiness is a decision'. And that decision is to live as breath no matter what.

World cup is over. Has anything changed in India ?

week after winning the world cup, after all that partying, india is back to reality this week. i wonder how the poor  is surviving this week, has their reality changed? do they have an unconditional living allowance from birth to death? do they have unconditional access to medical service ? do they have access to education and self-correction ? has the poor in india, have their homeless situation changed since the world cup? do they have housing unconditionally ?

I guess not. with nearly 50% or more Indians below the poverty line, i mean really poor, the world cup or any other cup is not going to make any difference to them. yes the rich will get richer. the poor after partying a bit has to returned to their destitute living conditions. such is the life of a poor indian, yet so Proud to be an Indian, even in the dirty poverty.

ok the party is over, now return to reality, investigate, all that corruption and bullshit going on in india, you have to really investigate a new solution, a new system for india. so check us out, www.equalmoney.org or www.desteni.co.za

i stand for a new india, where every indian has access to housing, education, healthcare, food, water, etc. Equal Money System in india is the real gift to india.

if you're a real fucking Indian, investigate what is this all about.

My backchats must be written down.

backchatting continues. quick to blame, quick to find faults, quick to label, quick to judge, all that shit is backchatting. quick to attach value to an experience, quick to recall the fire from the memories are nothing but backchatts. another word for backchatting is monologues, dialouge inside the mind. you know the shit that goes inside the mind. it says it knows everything, it knows what even others think. 'i know' i know everything that is a backchat.

i want to really get down to business with my backchat, i want to catch the fucker on paper. well i am that fucker who is always thinking about some wicked plan about others. yes it is their fault, they did that to me, they said that to me, they are planning against me, of course, they are ganging up against me. gosh, wtf, the moment i think i am risking landing on a backchat. not acceptable. so i breathe, i am here. lets get the full details on backchat on paper.

gosh before i put my backchats into physical actions, i better stop this asap.

thats it for tonight.

www.equalmoney.org

India won the world cup.

yeah fuck india won the cricket world cup. there goes my $10 fee to watch the game on tv. i just can't believe how fucking addicted hooked and crazy about cricket. i had to watch it. and by the end when i realized that sri lanka is not going to win, i slowly left the restaurant as if i could care less about cricket final.

so it goes to show i wasn't there to enjoy a game of cricket, rather i went to enjoy the feeling of wining. yes winning. that is why once realized that victory was not insight i lost all interest in the game. last one hour or so, i was gone. later on thru the website i found the actual result then didn't even bother to read the details.

its not the love of the game, nor the physical mastery of cricket, no not at all, its all about enjoying the thrill of winning. bit like war, this is why nationalism and love for one's army exist. its all about winning. we win thru sports, thru fights, thru wars, its all about winning.

the mind loves to win. its exciting to win. thrilling to win. energy rushing to score that victory.

and we can clearly see what winning has done to this world. capitalism is all about winning, in that game of survival some win most lose. we cannot afford to let capitalism continue in any form whatsoever. its time for a new money system.

so i stand for equal money system.