Anton Fernando - AntonFernando.com

After much procrastination, I have moved to http://www.antonfernando.com and enjoying it much. So this is to inform all those who have been following my blog at this site to update your links to www.antonfernando.com where I will be posting regularly. 


Thanks. Lets blog the hell out of this world, until a new earth is born.


Thank you.


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Death will Take All Your Money. You go Empty Hands.

This is a very well known principle that death will remove all things for good. All your money, all your properties, all your belongings will be taken away, and vultures will be waiting to enjoy your things while you're on your deathbed. Its true all that you got will be gone, no more, none is left.


Yet in living this life, protecting one's money and belongings is something we all do, rich and the poor alike. we grab and holding onto all things as if we will carry our belongings to eternity. This existence has been around for a while, and I dont' think anyone carried their personal belongings from birth to birth. Even that thing called soul is no more, its been SOLD out. 


Then what is there to carry over? well that's another blog. The point here is, why hold on to belongings and money, why protect them with all cost? What if death knocks the door today? Am I ready to give it up all and go? 


In my life, I found, I am very protective when it comes to sharing and supporting my partner with resources and money. I count, like a good capitalist, I see what is the return for my spending, I dont' unconditionally ( with common sense of course) support my partner, you can say I am cheap and stingy when it comes to supporting her. Fear of been used for money, fear that may be all she want is money. May be that is why she is with me, because she just wants my money. Those are the thoughts I entertain whenever the point of spending money comes. 


But what if death comes tonight? I have to leave it all. Fuck, knowing all that, I still protect and hold tight to my resources and money. 


I need a new script for myself:


When and as I see myself protecting and holding in cheapness when it comes to supporting my partner, I breathe, I take a moment, I realize that death will remove all belongings, death will remove all moneys, so there is no point in giving into fears and not supporting my partner here at this very physical practical moment. In realizing that death removes all, I open up myself, I allow myself to support her unconditionally. This is the new script I write onto myself, I give myself and share myself unconditionally. Really, only in giving one receives; there is no other way, to say I must get before I give, is capitalism, and I do not subscribe to  capitalism. So I give first in that I receive.


In death, all is given out anyways until nothing is left, so might as well, give now. So this is my new script, I take a breath, a moment, I breathe, I imagine myself dead and in the box, awaiting burial, I see that all my stuff has been given out, just a hole in the ground is awaiting for me. I am going to go empty hands for sure, so why not, share now here, and give myself to my partner fully here. After all, she is myself in another life, I am only giving to myself, it is utter foolishness to believe that I am sharing with or giving to 'another'. 


This is point I have been working on it for a while. 


So till here no further, I will no longer accept and allow myself to give into fears and hold anything back.
till here no further, I will no longer accept and allow myself to hold myself back from supporting and sharing. 
till here no further, I will no longer accept and allow myself to hoard and hide my belongings in fear of sharing. Realizing all my belongings are not mine at all, they are simply here must be giving up at death. So might as well, share and manifest what is best for all within my agreement. 


I breathe.    


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Thoughts build up fears.

Fear sucks. fear of loss sucks. fear of death sucks. fear of any kind sucks. Yet this is what I have been living, holding onto fears of various types. Fear has become like oxygen without which we cannot live. Some sort of fear is needed apparently for the mind to grab onto. Such a dumb stupid thing this thing called fear. The funny thing about fear is the more you fear the more likely you will draw such eventual reality unto yourself. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in fear. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in fear of losing things in my life. 


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing all I have got.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to losing my relationship. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear living alone.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear living without any relationship in my life.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing the relationship I have.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that all fears that I have are only possible if I allow them within me by participating in them. The more I think about fears, the more they compound, really fear is self created.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in fear b'c I think about fearful shit. As I think, I experience. As I see the moment, I experience the moment. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself live in fear bc' I think fearful thoughts, I think what-if thoughts, I think what-he--said-she-said thoughts. I mean I think fear therefore I create fear.


By thinking I allow emotion of fears to compound within me, and I allow them to build up more and more, then viola, a big bang must be needed to release them. So that is how I experience by building up shit within me.


So what is corrective statement for this fear based living, is following:


When and as I see myself participating in ANY form of FEAR, I mean ANY form of fear, I tell myself, oh oh, the thoughts of fears are back. meaning, if I chose to follow them, even very slightly, I will end up in fucked up fearland. Once I touch the fucked up fearland, it would a matter of time before some kind of a hell manifest.


So really,  to contain fear is that simple, just not participate in thoughts of fear. After all during my deep sleeps at night, I dont' feel any fears, I mean even a cobra could crawl over my body, I wouldnt' know a thing, b'c I will be not thinking about the cobra b'c I am at deep sleep. While day time, I see a rope, and I start to panic, b'c I think it might be a snake, or I will recall a memory of a snake and associate that rope to a snake, all that happens as thoughts so fast. quantum fears.


if I could only just breath and not entertain any ANY ANY form of thoughts about fears, oh well, fear could not grip me. Yes, the accumulated momentum of fear is still there, so that is why breathing is still vital, it anchors you HERE as breath. 


Next time, I go into fucked up fearland, I stop it immediately, right here right now, allowing myself only breathing no thinking whatsoever. 


Join us: End your living in fearland.


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Declare War against Emotions and Feelings?

Feelings and Emotions are the Hollywood production house of the MIND to make the illusion exhilarating and intoxicating.

Another great Common Sense quote by Bernard Poolman. Feelings and Emotions are the Hollywood production house of the mind to make the illusion exhilarating and intoxicating. Worth repeating those words until they sink in, how amazingly true.


Feelings and Emotions, how fucked are you with those Feelings and Emotions. They fuck us up every day, every hour, every minute, in fact every breath is consumed by the Feelings and Emotions. 


I don't know about you, but I am for sure sick and tired of Feelings and Emotions. As they have pretty much messed up my life for the most part. I have been a total victim of my Feelings and Emotions, always giving into them, always falling victim to my own Feelings and Emotions. This has brought much suffering and calamity to my life in so many occasions. Not mention the physical and financial distress as a consequence. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as Feelings and Emotions.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be the Feelings and Emotions that I am.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust my Feelings and Emotions. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to beLIEve in my Feelings and Emotions. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have faith and trust in my Feelings and Emotions. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have confidence in my Feelings and Emotions.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider my Feelings and Emotions to be my God whom I must trust and worship at all cost. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider my Feelings and Emotions to arise from a source of wisdom hence it must be listened to and followed up. Not realizing my Feelings and Emotions are pre-programmed entities whose sole purpose is to fuck up my life and enforce me as a slave. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let Feelings and Emotions control me and direct me. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself let Feelings and Emotions guide me and direct me and control me. Which I have accepted and allowed to happen over and over again.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a robot whose system is programmed via Feelings and Emotions. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself let mind-controllers preprogramm myself with Feelings and Emotions. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as Feelings and Emotions. All I am is a bundle of Emotions and Feelings. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my behavior based upon how I feel and what emotions are running within me.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my behavior entirely based on my Feelings and Emotions. 


All I am is Emotions and Feelings. 


As Emotions and Feelings, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist just to manipulate and control human minds.


As Emotions and Feelings, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist just to fuck up humans.


As Emotions and Feelings, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to control humans as little robots who are under my direct control and influence. 


As Emotions and Feelings, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to destroy human life because that is what I enjoy doing. To bring destruction to humans. 


As Emotions and Feelings, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make humans kill each other and destroy each other. 


As Emotions and Feelings, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as God of humanity, whose fate rest in me. I decide what they do, or how they live, or how they behave. 


As Emotions and Feelings, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist just for the sake of destroying humans. 


As Emotions and Feelings, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist for the sole purpose of wanting to destroy all things by simply resting within human minds. 


As Emotions and Feelings, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to occupy humans 24/7 in fact every breath of their lives. I control them, I occupy them. 


As Emotions and Feelings, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to occupy and control humans by resting within their minds. I am the God of humans as I control them, I am their master. 


I breathe, I remain here.


When and as I see myself getting consumed by Feelings and Emotions, I know, a systematic possession has taken place, so in realizing that, I stop it by simply breathing here. Breath is only key to overcome the mind control imposed by Emotions and Feelings. I am not at war with my Emotions and Feelings, however, I do realize, its all what I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as. I am not separate from my Emotions and Feelings, its all me. So as my Emotions and Feelings, I stop myself from controlling and directing myself. I am here. Breathing. 


I breathe, and I stop myself as Emotions and Feelings. I am not at war with parts of myself, no, I just stop parts of myself that is not supporting the End of My Mind. 


So as Emotions and Feelings, I stop myself, I stop the Hollywood production house of the MIND to make illusion exhilarating and intoxicating. I am here breathing.


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Attention Seeking Parasites: Stop it with breathing Here.

Yeh this is a point over and over again showing up. In so many subtle ways I seek attention from others. It could be a small thing like giving someone a ride, or chatting with someone, and I notice I do so to get their attention. To have a chit-chat is to have them pay full attention to me. Of course, when offering a ride, I am driving so the passenger will give all the attention to me. So three is crowd, two is a company is so true for energy seeking parasites like myself. 


Who or what is that within me seeking so much attention and approval? Is it me or some parasite in me that is seeking endless attention? Of course, its me, me as my mind, me as my ego seeking energy boast via attention to sustain myself as mind, as ego, etc. 


So what will happen if I don't get the desired attention? Sad, lonely, isolated, pity, angry, depressed, and bunch of related diseases. Feeling of being left out is a big one for me, I quickly go into that pity feelings of being isolated by others. 


I have to really watch out for how I seek attention in small subtle ways. Offering rides, chatting, emailing, all such doing without any practical purpose but only to get an energy boast. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek attention in subtle ways, in small ways, in unnoticeable ways.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek energy and attention from others so I initiate conversations just to have chit chats. Just to get attention from others. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize when I start chatting with someone, I do so just to get attention from them. As I have no practical need for a chat. Even when I enjoy chatting with someone, I start the chat just to get noticed by them. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to get noticed by people and do subtle things to get their attention. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire and want attention from others, and in that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do things just to get their attention.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need friends to feed my energetic mind/ego.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the core problem is not been here as breath, therefore going into my mind, which directs me to get energy through others. so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be here as breath. 


As a self corrective step, I state: when and as I see myself doing or saying things to get attention from a person or group, I realize the old pattern, which demands and plays dramas to get attention, so realizing that I will simply stop it. I will breath it out and not give into the mind's rush to make some drama to get attention specially when I am in a group setting. 


So next time I am in a group setting, I will simply focus on here, been here, doing what is needed to be done here and not go in the group mode and start cracking jokes etc. If a conversation is started, and if I have something common sense to share then yes I will speak, but not just imposing my knowledge and information unto others so that they will notice me as a wise guy, or cool guy hence give me attention. 


Just be here, either alone, one to one, threesome, or a group, I am here just me, speak when needed. Constantly doing or talking shit to get attention from others sucks, and I realize it makes them run away from me. 


Who wants to be with an energy parasite. On the other hand, its cool to be with someone who is HERE totally and who speaks common sense not just cracking jokes and making noise to get attention. It stinks to be with a verbal diarrhea. 


So I stop such patterns as I notice them within me by breathing, I know that I can live in a whole new way, just been here as breath. I don't need to be a parasite seeking attention all the time, it is in fact very tiring on me and others, which makes any relationship nearly impossible to grow. No wonder I don't have any real connections with anyone, because I am never Here to connect with anyone, I am too busy seeking attention from others. So I breathe. 


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